Is there something wrong with me?
I look around at everyone's daily interactions at work, online, in public. They all seem to converse with each otherso effortlessly, and there I am, wishing I had someone to even hang out with. Why wasn't I given even the slightest bit of charisma? Why do I have a mini panic attack anytime someone even says hi to me or acknowledges my existence?
i watch my coworkers get into conversations with complete strangers. (We work at a diner type establishment.) How do these people always have something to say, and everyone else able to continue on so easily with them? I don't feel normal. Like I never grew out of my teenage years of being shy and young. I am consistently, and almost daily, hearing comments about how quiet I am.
Making friends, let alone keeping them, seems like an impossibility to me. The last actual female friend I had was back in high school. The last actual male friend I had that wasn't just friends with me to try and get in my pants was also in high school and he was gay. And I feel like it's so difficult for me to make friends because of my aforementioned quietness.
It's getting harder for me as the years go by to find anyone I can even stand being around for an extended period of time. I feel alienated. I feel like the loneliness is only going to get worse. The acquaintances I do have that are available to talk to would not understand the slightest bit what I am talking about and it makes me feel like I am insane.
Maybe I am?
It sounds like you're an introvert. But maybe not too. Typically people think introverts are shy or anti social which isnt the case. Introverts can be friendly its just that they prefer interactions in small doses or only with people they know really well. That being said, you're just very shy.
Anyway its hard to find a person who clicks with us, us meaning people like you and I, the quiet, shy and hang-back types. Extroverts or non-shy introverts can easily get along with people. Its in their nature. Their aura or energy.
You just have to find someone who clicks with you. No need to rush into conversations. Just make small talk with someone who looks like they are hanging-back as well. Or just build upon your existing relationships. Its all simple things to do, just requiring massive courage in the 1st act of trying to reach out to someone.
For me, back when I was in a similar situation to yours, I just basically had "suicidal" or "do or die" mindset. I just randomly walked up to people I thought were worth getting to know and talked to them. I might lose, but I was definitely not winning if I did nothing.
