Let's be honest most people have some friends. So what can I do when I'm in the minority (I have no friends at all)?
So I left school not wanting to stay in contact with people I appeared to be friendly with. I never felt they were really my friends and was severly depressed about my lack of friends. Time has healed me somewhat and I'm not as severly depressed, just numb and a little messed up because of the lack of socialising.
With the way my life has turned out and also knowing I'm very sensitive about not having friends, how should I move forward? I still feel people really really judge me and feel bad for me. If people are going to pity me and think I'm a loser I won't want to keep getting out there and socialising. Anyone in a similar situation have some wise words? Are there any ways to stop myself from feeling bad when people look down on me?
Hi @Nairhair95
I can't say that I'm in the completely same situation, since I only know what you have posted in the forum, but I'll tell you that I'm going through something similar. I'm sorry but I don't have a set answer, in these kinds of situation I want to suggest trial and error. I know putting yourself out there is scary, but your sensitivity wont go away by not. I've had depression and anxiety since 8th grade where I started isolating myself form my classmates. I've always been very shy and I'm not a person who makes friends easily. I don't think it's a bad thing as it makes the (very) few (read: one) that I have that much more special. I didn't realise that I was lonely because of my anxiety (social) so it wasn't something that I worried about. When I started seeing a professional, it became clear to me that I was living a very lonely life. At that point I was almost 18 years old and everyone around me had established friends and I was the outsider. Still having anxiety I didn't want to put myself out there, but I ended up slowing grabbing onto a group at school that let me. It happened through trial and error and that's why I cannot give you a set answer though I wish I could.
I think it's lovely that you want to improve your social skills (I myself have a LOT to learn) and that you want to engage in socialising. That's a huges step for you and I hope that you're proud of it. If you want to speak with me, you know where to find me (just press my name and it will take you to my profile) and you're more than welcome to send a message my way if you're interested. It's definitely a journey and taking small and consistent steps are a safe way to progress without getting discouraged.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you the best of luck x
@PetiteSara The difference there with me and you is that you reached out and tried to talk to a group in your school. I know now why I just couldn't do it. I had such a fear of rejection and being abandoned so I couldn't just take it casual and try to be myself so people would like me. I panicked and resorted to staying with a group of girls who like me also didn't really fit in.
But yeah I eventually knew we just weren't friends at all, we were so incompatible as friends. They're still good friends now but I literally left school never speaking a word to them again.
I'm moving on now though at least, Thanks for the support. It's nice to know that people don't think I reacted abnormally. I used to feel like I was almost unhuman because of my lack of friends. So many people here are so nice though.
@Nairhair95
I'm happy for you for moving on and looking forward -smiles- It wasn't my intention to make comparisons or anything of the sort, I only wanted to share my experience with you to say that you weren't alone in feeling out of place in regards to friends and I'm glad that you have found out why you where feeling discurahed.
Yes I very much agree. There are so many lovely people here on 7 Cups. May I ask if you have checked out the chat rooms? You can meet great people there and get some lovely acquaintances. My offer still stands -smiles-
Take care! x
@PetiteSara Yeah the forums are good actually and I might possibly give you a message one day as well. Thanks for the help :)
@Nairhair95 I don't know if you're reffering to high school or college or beyond, but I can relate in ways.
I find that a lot of people I've encountered go through or have gone through phases where they don't have friends but it's not talked about much because it can feel stigmatizing. I think lonliness is a big problem but it's kind of not talked about. Do you find this to be true?
Have you seen that movie Her? It's sort of the crux of the movie that many people are lonely, even if they are in a relationship or around the wrong friends, like you spoke of.
For what it's worth, I admire your integrity of not choosing to be around people you don't feel are your friends.
@Exist56 Thanks so much. I loved your answer. No one ever speaks highly of someone that chooses to be alone, I'm glad at least someone doesn't think I'm a total weirdo.
It's honestly so true about no one ever speaking about a huge problem like loneliness. It's only since it's happened to me that I've noticed how much I really have to hide it. Whenever people get the hint that I'm not social or don't have any friends they look at me with such pity and like I'm a total lost cause. No one helps you at all or wants to hear your story. They just cringe at the mention of being alone. I honestly always felt that maybe I'm the only one in my 20s that's really lonely.
It would be so nice if other people were as understanding as you.
@Nairhair95
Hello there, I wanted to give you what will hopefully be good ideas. I work and go to school full time, however, I don't have many friends. I've been like this my entire life. I've never been great at socializing and have always been skeptical of the few "friends" I have had over the years.
What has helped me the most, oddly enough, is the internet. It allows me to connect with people and remain anonymous if I wish to do so. I'm not sure of your age, or other specifics, but this might be something to take into consideration. It has helped me to learn to socialize and not be so skeptical of people. I still don't socialize with my co-workers much and I go to school online, but I am able to have conversations with people I meet while I am running errands, or helping in the community gardens.
I think for most of us with social anxiety, the key is to take baby steps, regardless of how small, any act of socialization is a step in the right direction. I hope this helps you! Good luck!
@TovenLiefde I think for me I'm different, I've always really liked having friends, so when I got to secondary school and I never made any I was really upset for all of school about this.
Now my only problem is I feel so bad about myself and feel like I have so much shame around not having friends. I find it unbelievably difficult to open up to people when I feel worlds apart from them. It's exhausting though to keep putting on a facade as though I have friends, I feel like I'm living a lie, so I feel like I can never be my real self with anyone.