Obsessively Overthinking Social Interactions After the Fact
Hello,
Since middle school, I have always overthought social interactions. I really wish I could think of a specific time or event that caused this to happen, but I cannot put my finger on why I am like this. I am now a Junior in college and it has not gotten any better. I feel like it has gotten worse because since I started college, I have been obsessing over finding the right people, the right friends and the right community.
The thing is, is that I am pretty good at interacting with people. When I am in a social situation like a party or a club meeting or class discussions, I have no problem talking to people I have just met. For example, I am currently studying abroad and there have been a lot of new people this whole entire time. The other day I met some people and was flowing really well during this interaction, so much so that I like stepped outside of myself and noticed how well I was talking and making conversation and suprised myself a ton. It did not feel like it was me doing all of that. Another instance of this happening was at a party. I met more people I did not know and the same thing happened. I am perfectly fine meeting new people and having conversation. I do it and I shock myself everytime.
I think what trips me up is when the people become regular and are not strangers anymore. I overthink a lot about what they think of me, whether I'm annoying, whether I'm being rude, whether I'm being stand-offish... For another example, I think I have a group of people I'm studying abroad with that I consistently hang out with. But there will be times where I am not included in on things that a bunch, not all, will be doing and I feel really bad about being left out. I overthink about what it could've been that I did to not be included and what it is about me that has made this happen more than once. I have an extremely hard time initating plans because I feel like I will always get a no. I have noticed myself initating plans mainly when I know the response will be a no so I can say at least I tried even though I asked when I knew outside circumstances made the possibility of a yes very low. (Waiting until the last minute to invite someone to an event I am going to, asking someone who is busy or I know is tired to do something... Things like that.)
I'm so tired of when I fall into an obsessive spiral wondering why people don't like me. I'm at the point where I am pretty aware that what I am thinking most likely isn't the most logical, but it is the possibilty that keeps me spiraling. If anybody has any tips or thoughts they try to remind themselves when this happens, I would love to hear them. I try telling myself that the effort to stay away from me would be more apparent and that there is no reason to put people on this pedestal like this because at the end of the day we all have little things that annoy each other, but neither of those things stop my thoughts completely.
@greenteahelps I understand your overthinking struggle on so many levels. Something that I find helps is learning to challenge your thoughts or at the very least reflecting on them in journal entries. Try using one side of the page to write down your negative thoughts. Don't worry about how it sounds. Just write it as you feel it. Sometimes even just the practice of writing it down helps us feel like a weight has been lifted or helps us find the flaws in our own thinking. If you wanted to take it a step further, on the other side of the page, try to refute your thought. Examine it from an outside perspective and write all this out. What is the evidence behind your thought? Are you over-generalizing the situation based on past experiences? Is your thought looking at the situation as black and white? Are you assuming that you can read minds? Hopefully this helps a bit. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more :)
