Please help I
Hi Im new here and so glad I found this website in my dire need of help!
This may sound stupid and ridiculous but how do I stop my horrible through from telling me my friend hates me or will never talk to me again?
Shes messaged me once early this morning ( I have an 18 month old she has a 9 week old )
saying she didnt message me yesterday Cos she was unwell but the reply was shorter than normal and then I replied back early this morning yet still no reply. I know shes busy and she struggles daily too I just feel like she hates me and will never talk to me again. Part of me knows this sounds ridiculous and shes probably having a bad day she will message me when she can especially with having a a baby but the other half over rules it and is like ‘ well youve annoyed her by doing something so thats it youve lost her ‘
we havent fallen out but its the most we havent ever spoken
am I going insane??
@AnxiousEm9
Hi and Welcome! From your posting I wouldn't say you were insane. I can relate to what you are saying. I have had these very same feelings whenever I can't get hold of someone. I go through all of the scenarios like "what did I do", "did I say something wrong", etc. I try to self-analyze the situation before I have all the facts which mean I don't have the facts and instead use how I perceive the situation. I hope this makes sense! I see you mentioned you have an 18 month old and your friend just had a baby? I remember when I had my baby and of course my friends were having their babies I felt overwhelmed and babies require a lot of attention. There were times when several days would go by without talking to my friends. Have you thought about any other ways you could use to communicate with her at this time?
Thank you for replying! Honestly when shes struggling she deals with it herself and dosent let anyone in shes messaging on snapchat because thats what she talks on and havent opened it Ive messaged yesterday and today so dont want to bombard her anymore, shes loved a comment on fb that I posted but just worry that shes never gonna speak to me again even though there really isnt an issue and never has been. Sounds silly Cos I know we are okay but its like my thoughts are fighting me xx
@sunnyZebra2336
@AnxiousEm9
Hey, I'm new here too and I've had a similar situation with my best friend.
Since I moved away almost 10 years ago, I felt that our friendship was fading because we would talk less and her messages would seem more vague and unenthusiastic. It felt as if my moving caused our friendship to kind of circle the drain and it in a sense it did because she felt like I abandoned her in a way. Although my anxiety constantly whispered in my ear that she hates me and I did everything wrong, I still gathered the courage to send her a heart-to-heart to figure out what's really going on; I never would've foudn out how she was feeling had I let it just linger. In your situation, your friend having a baby and you yourself having baby has caused a change in both of your lives and in your friendship. It's not a bad thing, it's just an adjustment and new adjustments can be diffcult to accept, expecially when you're used to things being a certain way within your friendship. If you're as close as I think you two are, express to her your anxieties and what's going on in your head. I'm sure she'll understand and ease those thoughts by telling you whats going on with her. I feel like your lack of knowledge on what's going on in her life is triggering your anxiety and a good talk could more than likely fix that.
Thank you for replying! Ive known her since April and we have gotten so much closer, I know when shes feeling like this she shuts everyone out so the fact shes not even opened my Snapchat I know shes not up for talking to anyone its happened before, its rubbish her way of coping triggers my anxiety and it shouldnt I just dont want to loose her as a friend, I know she wont mean it and do it on purpose but i think if shes not said anything by this time tomorrow Ill fire her a message and ask her, till then I just hope I can stop worrying, Its like I know I havent annoyee her but my head says otherwise? X
@SmilingForThePublic1234
@AnxiousEm9 Yea I know what you mean. I'm actually a lot like your friend. When my depression and/or anxiety is too much to bare and I feel like there's too much for me to deal with emotionally/mentally, I completely shut down. I don't answer messages or phone calls. I just sit with myself or I write or I do whatever I need to do to heal so I can be a more functionable person. It's a crap way of dealing with things when friends/family are involved but it's just how I'm built and I think my long-term friends have come to understand that about me and it isn't really a thing anymore. They just say oh that's just how she is and it's cool. They know I'll get with them when I'm feeling more up to socializing ^_^
I get that. I wish she would maybe say to me so I can stop thinking too Much but its not fair on her to tell me, Ive noticed on her Snapchat her score is going up and that could mean shes either opening up the snaps or shes sending them out, makes me worry even more Ive done something wrong to upset or annoy her and I hope I havent, just want like some closure on if shes okay, I havent said anything to upset her I know that but I dont get why shes not opening up the messages etc, I know shes shutting down I just worry so much xx
@SmilingForThePublic1234
@AnxiousEm9 I get where youre coming from. It is a bit inconsiderate when we do things like that and in my personal experience I know I tend to hurt feelings sometimes or worry friends when I go silent. So Ive tried to make an effort to be a bit more communicative so they dont get those feelings. Maybe shes not in a space to be that vulnerable. The most you can do (and I know this is easier said than done) is just have patience. Absolutely send the text letting her know how youre feeling but after that, let it be. Shell come to you or answer when shes ready. And if she doesnt, as heartbreaking as itll be, it just wasnt a friendship meant to be. Its okay to feel hurt and to process how you need to but dont think you did anything wrong because you didnt.
s/n I feel like youre from the UK?
Thats true thank you, she always says I dont annoy her ever and to stop thinking that so its probably an occasion like that and shes not realising how Im feeling its selfish on my behalf always needing constant reassurance. Ive sent the message and I know she hasnt opened it but I know shes not the type of person to just never not talk to me again for no reason she would try Fix it since we are both there For each other and shes always thanking me of how Im always there for her. Its my own thoughts getting the better of me and creating a scenario thats not even happened all because someone didnt message me back its ridiculous how stressed I get over it when in reality everythings fine shes just taking time to herself, yeah I am how did you know? X
@SmilingForThePublic1234
@AnxiousEm9 Well Im glad you can get some relief from this conversation and feel a little more at ease. Anxiety is the worst. Im always thinking I did something when I know I didnt. Having a community really helps to calm those thoughts 
And I figured because I was briefly talking to a guy from the UK and whenever we would tell me goodnight he used the xx at the end haha. I figured it was a UK thing because Ive never met anyone else (in America or elsewhere) who does that and I think its so cute and endearing 😌
Turns out she was struggling and isnt wanting to talk so I replied back but do I just give her her space now? We were meant to meet up Saturday but she may have forgotten should I just ask Friday or something since she dosent want to talk now?
Haha I do it to everyone Im not sure. My boyfriends always done it but theres a few people that do, Im just a nice girl and to me its like we are okay not arguing etc lol xx
@SmilingForThePublic1234
@AnxiousEm9 I think you should probably just give her a bit of space since she expressed that shes going through somethings and she didnt want to talk. Just let her sort through it. I know she knows youre there if she needs you but sometimes a person just needs to go it alone and thats okay.
Thank you so much, I struggle Cos Im so caring but need to understand people want to be alone x
@SmilingForThePublic1234
I thought it was normal to be anxious until I get 33years old. @AnxiousEm9