Struggling to have a core group of friends
Hello,
My social anxiety tends to make it hard to fit into groups due to a lot of exclusion and mild bullying I experienced when I was younger. Right now, I only have 1-3 close friends that I hang out with one-on-one sporadically, but it feels like not enough, and I feel very lonely. I am going to try hosting a movie night or something so the people could come together, especially people I know and trust a little more, because I feel like I'm sort of straddling different groups and not really fitting in any of them. An alternative might be to pick one "core" group that I click with the most, which for me is social justice/activist type people and maybe try to talk to them about how I can be "in" the group more... It seems like having like-minded people is very important, so that these are people I genuinely want to hang out with and feel I can trust.
I could try going to a meetup by myself, but this feels like starting from scratch and I'm worried if I don't really click, I will get stuck with people I don't like/trust.
Anyone else struggle with something similar?
-Day
Hey @Daydreamer47!
I have kind of the opposite experience going on where for a long time I had a core group of about 7 friends after high school. Over the years though people have moved or just dropped out of the friend group narrowing it down to about 3 of us. Once I got older though I had more anxiety which actually caused some trouble between me and my friends because they didn't really understand my anxiety. I ended up having to cut a bunch of people off because they were too toxic for me to be around because they made my anxiety/depression worse. For me I was able to make some really good friends at church who have really helped and supported me through different stages of anxiety and depression. So I think in your situation finding a core group would be good and over time you can find a few more people who you can trust and enjoy your time with. A movie night would also be a great idea I think! Being able to have people over at your place might help with the anxiety too cause your in a familiar place. I hope this helped somewhat! Let me know how it goes if you want! Peace and love :)
@Daydreamer47 I do - I've never had a "core group of friends" and have not cracked the code of how to achieve that (though I seem to be liked well-enough online and get along with just about anyone in person). So I have no wisdom to impart, I just want you to know you're not alone!
Also... my hunch is that more people are in this situation than you might imagine. People (especially in social media) tend to paint a more active picture of their social life than is frequently the case.
@Daydreamer47 My story sounds very similar to the lives of you and @ManandaPanda. I would have a core group of friends, but then somehow we would end up growing apart. The core group I am friends with now that have been the staples of my group have all moved out of town. They've gone and gotten new groups of friends, and I sure am not comfortable trying to start over with a new group. I'm definitely in the same boat as all of you, but I have found that a lot of people ARE in the same boat. I think it was explained perfectly in one of the other posts, a lot of people paint a different picture for people on social media.
