Talking to people and making friends
I like to meet new people and make friends. I have trouble meeting meeting new people because if I make a social mistake, the person might think I'm socially awkward or lack social skills. I am a college student involved in different Christian organizations and a member on the track and field team. That helped me to meet new people. I have trouble asking people I met if they want to hang out because of fear of rejection. My social anxiety makes me feel like a socially awkward person that no one wants to hang out with, I also feel invisible because nobody asks me to hang out or be invited to social events.
@adventurousPear220 I feel this all the time. I'm either too quiet and awkward when I first meet someone or I'm waaaaaay too outgoing and then I worry about seeing them again because I can't keep that up. I think part of the problem is overthinking that I won't have anything relatable to discuss and they'll find me boring and walk away, so I either don't try to be someone I'm not or I overcompensate and psych myself out.
The fear of rejection is very real - at its core, it is way more than just one person not wanting to hang with you. It can subtly make you feel invalidated as a person. The one thing that I remind myself of - which makes it easier - is that I became who I am for many reasons and it all happened before I met them, so I don't really need them to tell me if I've done a good job or not. They don't know my journey. It's kind of a defensive mindset, but instead of saying it out loud I think of it whenever I start to feel unsure because it helps to ground me and remind me that I am my own person.
@adventurousPear220
Hi. Have you considered that maybe the reason why others are not asking you to hang out is because they too are scared of rejection?
Yes, its possible that we do get rejected. Not everyone is going to like us, nor should anyone feel obligated to. We, ourselves, don't like everyone. Keep in mind that the reasons why someone does not like us has more to do with them, than it has to do with us. And that's perfectly fine. However, we'll never move forward if we never take a chance. As a result, we miss out on meeting amazing people because we're scared. Not only that, but we might end up giving less and put little effort into relationships so we don't get hurt. Sadly, that only results in unsatisfactory/unfulfilling relationships.
I'm quite an awkward person and can feel inferior to those who know how and when and what to contribute to a conversation. It has helped me to do a small self-check every time I panick about what someone thinks of me: Do I really care about THIS person's opinion of me? Surprisingly, most of the time, I find the answer to be: NO. I barely think about them myself. I also think its really important and necessary that we take ourselves a little less seriously. The next time you panick about something you've done or said and how its perceived, try to laugh at yourself with yourself with kindness. Something along the lines of: "oh adventurousPear220, I can't believe you said that. Haha, aren't you a gem".
Keep in mind that it is more likely than not, that the person you meet is too occupied thinking about what they have said/done and how they are being perceived by YOU.
Hey guys sorry to disturb you or something. Whenever i try to make new friends, i feel like i am a burden and a third wheel even though they are nice and then i distance myself from them and lose friends. Idk how to solve this. Any advice?
@intelligentEast4189 Im going through the same thing. All my best friends have moved away, so currently my friend count is zip. And when I try to make friends, that happens to me too. If I were in your exact shoes, I would try to avoid cliques. Search for people who are also looking for friends, perhaps an open group. Again, these are all suggestions, please just go with what works for you.
@intelligentEast4189
Hi. No bother at all. I've found myself in similar situations especially if I meet people who already have established friendships. I can become nervous and wonder why they would want to meet me if they already have friends. Or if I'm in a group, I can feel left-out because they already share a bond that I don't have. And like you that has caused me to shy away from joining in outings and sort of hide back into the shadows. However, what has really helped me is to consider myself and my needs more. I would ask myself what the ultimate goal of meeting people was to me? It is to enjoy my time, have fun, and possibly make solid and strong friendships along the way. Friendships take time to develop and not everyone you meet will have your best ineterest at heart. nor will you get along with everyone. But you are more likely to meet someone who you can call a true friend when you put yourself out there.
So the next time you panick or worry about going out, ask yourself: why do I want to go out and meet people? Does holding back help me achieve my goal? If you find yourself truly not enjoying their company then you can most definitely opt out.
And if during an outing you feel left out (not in a rude way), calm yourself with positive thoughts. Remember that they might share a bond that you still didn't develop with them. No friendship is like the other and you have a lot to offer too as a good friend.
Happy friending :)
I think it also could depend on conversation style and whether youre all introverted or extroverted. One thing Ive noticed is that many of the replies on this thread are well thought-out, and not one-line replies 👍
Im an introvert and prefer deeper and meaningful conversation, and therefore have a difficult time with so-called small talk and with initiating conversations. So, many of my friendships with extroverts have not lasted long because Im not into the latest trends of todays world.
I have social anxiety too so I know how you feel.