"You're so quiet"
Hey,
I met someone online with the intention of meeting in person and becoming friends. We haven't even met yet; only talked on the phone once and messaged. Today she said in messenger "You're so quiet. Do you not enjoy conversations?" I'm so angry. I feel like I want to punch her in the face. I didn't really respond to that yet, so I'm trying to think of a way to respond that expresses how much that pisses me off without literally saying "Fuck you. What's your problem shitbag?" lol
Maybe something like "Hey I don't know how you meant it, but when people comment about me being quiet, I feel angry, because I feel judged." On the other hand, she lives pretty far away, so it might be empowering for me to create some boundaries around people who are judgmental and maybe decide she's not worth my time, depending on how she responds.
@Daydreamer47
Don't be to hard on them they are still getting to know you they probably didn't mean anything by it they probably mean your quite cause your not texting back or talking to much they may not have meant to judge you in any way I say this a few times myself but I mean it as hey your a bit quite what's up not talking much just ask them what they meant by that cause all you have to do is explain it not be nasty or rude just be nice about it tell them why at times you might become a bit quiet and how you feel when people say that to you make them well aware of it all the best
@BrightRedFlower2322 Thanks for your comment, but I really wasn't looking for advice or opinions on how to respond. I'll respond in a way that is best for me. I still think her comment was pretty rude, and I stand by that opinion, and my feelings are valid.
@Daydreamer47
That's okay your welcome
@Daydreamer47
Maybe sending them this might help them understand.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert
@Curtis Okay. Thanks for your comment, but I have social anxiety/phobia (hence commenting in this forum), so I'm not necessarily an introvert. Also, tbh I put most of the effort into initiating and contacting her, so I actually don't feel like I was being that quiet at all.
@Daydreamer47
I should have read other comments before composing my reply to your post. I'm both an introvert and have occasional social anxiety when my depression or stress increases. Sometimes it feels like I have a hard time keeping the friends I do have not assuming that I'm disinterested in them while I'm having bouts of being more withdrawn.
Also brainstorming works with everyone as long as there's room for "soft spoken" to speak up between people that may be louder or just not leaving many pauses in speach to grasp at.
@Curtis
Somewhat informative but presents a somewhat narrow view of how to spot an introvert. Not all of them always think before speaking and some of them ask more open ended questions so they can let other people talk and some extroverts cut people off with their next sentence instead of asking that many questions and waiting for the answers.
@CoinFountain Just an article. Didn't present it as the defacto, all you need to know. Just something to read and ponder.
@Daydreamer47
I know exactly how you feel and would feel like punching in anger too each time someone says something like that. Creating boundries is a wise idea if they aren't good at listening and don't honestly try to understand others. I'd link her to some education on how introverts differ from extroverts and that most of us hate it when people say anything that implies being quiet equates to being anti-social. Most if not all introverts prefer deeper conversations and see little point in "small talk" so will be less likely to spend energy on it. Also being quiet is how introverts recharge rather than recharging through social activities.
I personally find extreme extroverts to be too tiring and often will say things that annoy me far too often for friendships to be all that worth it but if you have enough in common otherwise and they do have the ability to overlook the difference with respect it may be worth some patience to educate them.
@CoinFountain yeah thanks for validating how i feel. I have been feeling like I want more quieter friends, because I relate to them better and feel less alone. I agree with you about extreme extroverts. Sometimes being around extreme extroverts makes me feel very inadequate, because unfortunately they benefit from being more "popular" or "successful" in some ways. I think I would need to feel really solid in myself and my personal power to be around them. Part of my goal socially is to be able to change and lead deeper conversations in a group, which is very vulnerable when everyone in the group is talking about skiiing, to suddenly change the topic something that matters more to me.
@Daydreamer47
Yeah that can be hard for me too still especially amoung people that don't generally like the same things. I felt a lot more confident I had conversation to contribute when I went to college with more like minded people and felt more like I fit in there. Before that I lived in a rural area where it was rare to run into other artists who were into so called geek culture. Also now that there's the internet I'm finding people all over the world who I can relate to.
