disappointed

so I was at my friends house with like 5 other people for a couple hours and I think the whole entire time I just about only said 5 sentences and just laughed nervously at everything someone said. I never stopped fidgeting and my leg was shaking under the table so much and I felt like everyone could notice it. I just kept thinking to myself “could I be any more pathetic?” and I just got so annoyed at myself bc everyone was off having conversations and I was struggling so much to even be able to mumble one word. then they were all playing games outside and I was just sitting there watching them, trying to laugh to show that I’m not freaking out on the inside of what I need to say or do. they were all having fun and I was just standing off to the side. they aren’t bad friends, they tried to include me but I just no I’m fine and just jokingly said “I don’t wanna get hurt” and laughed because they were playing something like dodgeball. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know why it’s so hard.