in two minds
It's recently hit me that it's likely that I have social anxiety because my nervousness about other people is badly affecting my decision making and grades. I panic at answering questions or participating in class. Whenever this happens it's like my mind is two people. One is logical. It says I'm not in danger, that no one will remember what I'm saying two days later. It's also kind of mean and tells me I'm being self-centred for thinking people care so much about every little thing I say and I'm being really stupid for having shaky hands and a racing heart over something so small. The other part just panics and loses it, running away with how badly this interaction could go wrong and how stupid I'd look. It gets upset at the mean things the logical part says and panic even more. Sometimes I agree with the logical part and other times I want to beg it to stop being so mean.
@rambutan69
Let me tell you smth from my school days...people care...when I was in high school I cared about people and especially a girl...when she was brought up to the blavkbiard for oral questioning I felt bad for her and the way she was treated...I wished I could put answers in her mouth but she hold her ground proudly even if she did not kbow things..I hurt and felt bad when she was humiliated like that like all my colleagues abd me included...pervert teachers for tormenting poor souls. Once you know they don't know what you want why keep on tormentong and humiliating teachers? Is that what pedagogy teaches you, to humiliate and put down children and teens? Is that empowering you? Now I know more than 10 teachers bundled together but I choose to keep my distance like pests...yuck...I just feel sorry for other youngsters that they torment...disgusting...parents don't care because they are to egotistic in their own personal bubbles to really care about their children...
@feelitinyourbones I'm so sorry that you're dealing with people like that. I did have a teacher like that. He used to think it was funny to show everyone how bad I was at math by calling me up to the board to solve questions he knew I couldn't do. There are people like him who are mean and judgemental. But not everyone is like that. It's difficult for part of me to realise that but I have good teachers who genuinely care about me and are willing to help if I ask. My negative thoughts hold me back from asking a lot of the time but there are always some good people out there who will help. <3
@rambutan69
I am happy for you if you met genuine caring teachers who care about knowledge and respect and have fun with their students...that is nice...
@rambutan69
I remember my latin teacher who always told us stories from history and my music teacher, she was so passionate she cryied when I wrote a paragraph about music...
@feelitinyourbones those people can be so rare. The ones who touch you and make you feel valued. Maybe that's why we think that we're not worthy of that kind of attention and compassion a lot of the time. But I always hope we can one day be those people for someone else who needs it.
@rambutan69
So true and I remember my French teacher with her long long gray hair and her jeans even as she approached retirement she was passionate abkut her subject and a very confident strong person...
You wrote welll...