my only friend is avoiding me
hi everyone! okay im just gonna start by saying that i have only one friend. we grew up together since we were young and now we've been friends for 15 years. our friendship has always been a bit strange because we have same interests, same ways to think and so on but at the same time we've never been intimate... im not even sure if I've ever hugged her because she didn't want to. we also shared our problems because both of us had struggles making friends or going out etc but two years ago she met some online friends. she actually asked me if i wanted to be part of this group but at first i refused because i was scared (we both didn't know if they were real or just someone with creepy intentions on internet). turns out they were nice but it was too late for me to joy them. since then my friend has changed. she started avoiding me or ignoring me. not totally because we share the same courses but our friendship is completely different. last year i turned 18 and for my birthday we decided to visit a new city for some days. she took the train two days before me (she has some relatives there) and when i arrived i asked her to meet me at the station and she said no and invented excuses. we met five hours later and i was so happy but when she saw me she didn't even smile at me or tell me hi, she just kept texting on her phone. the next day three online friends of her came and we (me as well because she forced me even though she knew i have social anxiety and i get extremely nervous meeting new people) had already been waiting for an hour in the station. when she saw them she started running and i didn't even notice because she said nothing to me and she hugged them and was so happy and smiled and stuff like that. we spent the day together and they always ignored me (especially her, not much her friends that i didn't even know). the next day was my birthday and she still ignored me and stayed on her phone. I've had similar experiences with her many times, the most recent one is when my grandma died and I've been bad for days because of that and she didn't even came to the funeral (while my brother's and sister's friends came and comforted them) and she just told me "im so sorry to hear that :(". i always tend to forgive her even though i think she's toxic to me and she made me cry so many times without even being aware of it because she's my only friend and im scared of being completely alone. i don't want to talk to her about this feeling of mine because as i said we've never been really close from this point of view. sometimes i think that i should push her away from my life because she makes me suffer, but at the same time i dont want to because we've been friend for so many years and it would break my heart, even if she hurted me so many times. what should i do?
@wittyCar5849
Hi there,
From my understanding, you've been feeling quite distressed and disheartened about your friend dismissing you. It can be quite hard to deal with, especially when you've known each other for over a decade and have so much in common. I'd be just as upset, if I had a best friend who wouldn't be as attentive or considerate as before... You're definitely not alone in that; many people have been through a similar thing.
There are times in life where certain friends tend to drift apart from those they've been around for so long. It's especially common when other individuals get in the picture and, consequently, make you feel completely excluded. In addition, no-one deserves to feel left out in times they want to celebrate—such as birthday parties—or are mourning the loss of a loved one. You're worthy of being understood; nobody deserves to sense this unwanted isolation.
In this case, it's comprehensible to feel puzzled and stuck in a dilemma of if you should keep her in your life, let her go or, at least, confront her. And although it hurts to see you feel "replaced" by her, it makes sense to be forgiving and not hold grudges. That shows me you're a caring and kind-hearted person.
Particularly when she's not the type of person to be warm and close with you, I don't blame the confusion.
Although I cannot tell you what you "should" and "shouldn't" do, I'm more than willing to support you as a Listener and look into what option(s) would suit you in (potentially) resolving things.
Feel free to leave a message so we can arrange a time to speak.
Take care.😁
