where to work

I wannawork in tech, preferably something healthcare related where I could work on products that really empower people & improve their quality of life. Yea I really do wanna make an impact. I do think it's an industry where I'd flourish. I'm just worried. I've taken all the baby steps I can & now I'm running out. I think about buying time but ik at some point I gotta rip the bandage off. But every time I take 1 step forward I fall flat on my face. My self esteem is in the toilet. I'm usually pretty friendly in regular situations but now just being around people in general makes me feel bad about myself by comparison. I don't really care about comparison. I just wanna make an impact. But when my mom honestly worries I'll end up in her basement despite being an academically strong college junior I worry too. I see people who don't even try getting good jobs & making it look easy. I keep getting caught somewhere along the 6 interview process. I think I might have a better shot w/ smaller companies because of the less intense interview process. But it's harder to hide mistakes. I have a list of companies I find awesome & inspiring but ik I'm not in the right mindset. I don't wanna contact them when I feel like this. Also whenever I tell myself today ima contact em I get so much anxiety about saying the wrong thing. After getting rejected by over 40 companies (I think I applied too high) I have so much more anxiety about the whole process. Yea of course imabomb the interviews if I'm having attacks the whole time. I actually got super far in the process despite that which I'm proud of but ik a personal best isn't gonnapay my rent. I need to actually land & hold a job. Also I have a hard time focusing around people who know me. People who don't know me & probably never will I can zone out. Tryna be normal knocks my productivity to like 20%. People have asked if I have ADD. I used to be able to focus just a yr ago though. & I still can somewhat when it's crunch time. Ik it's the anxiety. But it's always there in professional settings so it looks like my regular personality. I'm super chill w/ my friends & meeting new people around campus but for professional situations I feel like my personality just doesn't cut it. Plus my nerves annoy people. I usually wanna meet up w/ friends but w/ professional situatios I get so anxious I just wanna be outta there. I miss big lecture hall classes. I used to go to school to learn & have fun, not to make an impression. I'm not ready to make an impression. I can't focus on my education when I'm trynamake 1. & people have been messing w/ me a lot & ruining my rep anyway, making me look bad to profs. Ik I'll still have a lot to learn after I graduate. I even considered going to grad school 1st to solve that problem but ikit's hard to get a job outta grad school w/o a couple yrsof experience. I'm a mess & I'm not ready to put myself out there. I still feel like an awkward teenager & act like 1 too. I'm socially inept & it can be cute in social situations but no one wants it @ work. I used to be the designated crazy mental entertainment person in old friend groups but now I have better friends. I was always the kid who got invited places to carry everyone else's stuff & entertain them w/ my awkwardness. I'm usually the fun casual friend, not the serious 1 except w/ my closest friends. Ik that personality wouldn't work @ a work setting. Idk how to develop the skills I need. People say experience but I'm not ready for the jobs to get said experience. I have the know-how but I act like an alien lol. That's why I was thinking maybe a job where I could hide initially. But I agree that doesn't really align w/ my end dream of making an impact. Sorry to write a novel