Feeling Stuck in This Friendship
I have AuDHD, and I became friends with someone who has Level 1 autism. At the beginning of our friendship, when we stopped talking for a while, we had an argument. I said some mean things because, deep down, I was afraid that maybe he was only talking to me for his own reasons.Later, we became friends again, and I kept putting in effort to make our friendship better. But instead of getting closer, he became even more distant. He never asks about me, never seems curious about my life, and rarely talks about himself either.The reason I've stayed is because I genuinely like his personalityhis way of thinking, the way he sees things, and the way he talks. But when it comes to actually communicating and staying connected, that's where everything becomes difficult.Whenever I start pulling away because of his behavior, he suddenly messages me and tells me he was sick, busy, or stressed. There's always this strange silence between us, and honestly, it hurts me more than it seems to hurt him.I don't know what I should do.
@bravePrune1101
I can see how much the friendship means to you 💚
It's ok to preserve your boundaries.
He has a different style of communicating , sometimes people with autism struggle to voice how they feel but that doesn't mean he doesn't value you or your friendship, don't give up on him, but just preserve your energy 💚
Hey Prune.
It can be sad to have a friend who is distancing away from you and it's okayto feel sad about it.
Have you tried to communicate to him how you feel about this friendship because people on the spectrum have different ways of communicating and socializing, so having a conversation and your friend can allow you two to open up about you're feelings while also making your friendship stronger.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can give me a response about what happens after.
Hi @bravePrune1101 :)
I just want to echo what Amanda and NabilG09 have said. It's clear this friendship is important to you and it sounds like you're struggling to get your needs met within it currently. As you know autistic people can find socializing tricky and although it can feel awkward it's usually a good idea to be open about what's happening.
It might be helpful to think about what you need or want from a friendship (including how/when to communicate) before starting this conversation with your friend and figuring out a way that both your needs can be met.
I hope this helps and you both figure out a way forward - I believe in you!
🌟 Joy 🌟
It sounds like you've put a lot of thought, effort, and patience into this friendship because you genuinely value him as a person. What stood out to me is that you don't seem upset that he's different from you, you're hurting because the connection doesn't feel mutual and your emotional needs aren't being met.
It's possible that his communication style, social energy, or way of maintaining friendships is very different from yours. At the same time, your feelings matter too. Even if there are reasons for his distance, that doesn't make the loneliness and uncertainty any less painful for you.
I wonder if part of the difficulty is that you're hoping the friendship will become closer over time, while he may already be interacting at the level that feels comfortable and natural to him. Neither of you is necessarily wrong, but that difference in expectations can create a lot of hurt.
You clearly care about him, but it's also okay to ask yourself whether this friendship, as it exists right now, is giving you enough in return emotionally. Sometimes caring about someone and enjoying who they are isn't enough to sustain a close friendship if the connection leaves you feeling consistently unseen or unimportant.
Whatever you decide, I don't think you're wrong for feeling hurt. Wanting a friend to show curiosity about your life and invest in the relationship too is a very reasonable need