I wonder how people know

I'm 35 and really just finding out about AuDHD. I feel like I've gotten so good at masking after doing it my whole life, but no matter what people always clock me as 'weird' and it bothers me that I can't really tell what I'm doing. I smile, make eye contact but not too much, listen and remember details, don't interrupt, make an effort to make others feel at ease. People come to me because they want to talk to me and get advice or a listening ear, so obviously I create a sense of comfort/safety. I've been the 'mom' since I was still a kid whether I want to or not, I'm just put in that role.

But it frustrates me that no one will try to offer me support even when I ask. Or even just connection. Their responses are very clipped, hand waving and platitudes. They value when I take the time to talk deeply about their problems or make the effort to connect with them. They literally say so. So I'm confused why it's not reciprocated? At least not to me. I see these same people act that way with others, but not me. 

I've actually learned not to say more than a sentence in group chats because everything will go quiet. And if I say anything I should wait a few days. Even just replying to something. Everyone will stop talking if I'm too visible.

There has to be something about me or something I do that's causing people to act this way around me. I put in so much effort and just end up feeling used, and only sought out the next time someone can get something out of me.