Siblings also on spectrum
Hi! Im new here, so I hope this post is ok. I've been dealing with an issue I don't see in a lot of resources.
So I'm an adult on the spectrum, and so is my older brother, but we are both in different places. My biggest struggle is with sensory issues and anxiety. Bro struggles to understand how to read people to know what's appropriate when, and he struggles to use the right nonverbals to fit situational tone.
Because we are both aspies, you'd think we empathize with each other. But often our different symptoms just make conflicts worse. Case in point: his way of showing affection and happiness is by poking people or just repeatly saying "poke" at the person. Because of my sensory issues, this affects me more than anyone else, so I snap. I tried to have a conversation with him about this the other day, but I guess Ive gotten used to talking to nuerotypicals, so when talking to someone who doesnt use obvious nonverbals or responds with "professional" scripts, all my social scripts fall through.
I feel like this would be easier if one of us was neurotypical. Every piece of advice i can find for dealing with Autistic siblings is written for neurotypical kids.
@Firegreen334
Heya,
It sounds like a difficult situatikon to be in, however i undertsand why you both have diffeent needs and find that autism affects you both in different ways as obviously it is a spectrum disorder and so you will have some characteristics whilst your brother will demonstrate others.
Even though yes, you would think as you were both aspies you would empathise with each other, actually it will be a lot harder as it means that neither of you will truly have a clear understanding of eachother so therefore not be able to empathise with each other. This doesnt have to be a bad thing though, i'm sure between you you both are able to make it work and have a great relationshoip with eachother.Conflicts between siblings can be really hard anyway, hwever i understand that with both of you on the spectrum it makes it somewhat harder to deal with.
Ahh, so your brother is one who uses physical contact a lot? I think this may be becasue that is the only way he knows how to show affection is through the contact he can have with someone which probably also doesnt make him feel vulnerable to them through other contact such as hugs etc. I undertsand with you struggling with sensory issues it will be a lot harder for you to deal with this as you dont like the contact, especially in a way where it is more 'sharp and sudden' in the form of a poke. It is okay to snap, im sure that it is hard to need to express how his behaviour makes you feel and feeling unable to do that is extremely frustrating. It is so so hard to have conversations and talk things through with those who do struggle socially so it must have been hard to talk this issue through with him and feel like your own social scripts were affected becasue of this situation. It must have been very frustrating for you however i am sure you communicated well with him nevertheless.
You are always more than welcome to post here and you are most welcome within this community. I hope you can find it a safe and welcoming community. If you have any post ideas I am more than happy to hear them, your views and opinions matter.
- Spectrum
@Firegreen334 oof yeah I understand that. My sibling is also probably neurodivergent, and often speaks just a little too loud for me, infodumps when I'm trying to do other things (which is fine but the issue is that I'm trying to do other stuff), and shows affection by hugging people (and theres few people that I'm entirely comfortable with hugging me). So it's just kinda weird for both of us since our different traits dont match up.