Share your feelings

Autism affects my life, and has always, in more ways than I can explain. I would say that I am proud to be autistic, but I've always felt shame for the way that I think or do things also. I've always felt alone in life. Even around people that I love and know for sure love me. I didn't always know I was on the spectrum, but, my god, did it explain so much. I was often punished as a child, for being just how I am I guess you could say. I learned early on to hide myself from others. Masking has always felt necessary in 99 percent of the human interactions that I've had in life. It took a long time for me to be able to fit in, and now I kind of can in any situation easily. But I have a horrible habit of mimicking people still. I think maybe I have BPD also lol. 

I think two people have seen me. Like me, me. I'm working on unmasking now, it's been hard to accept myself for who I am, because I was taught it was not acceptable to be different my whole life. I know that is ok to be myself now. No matter how different I am than most. I have a lot to offer, and I want people to accept me for who I am in life. I wish it was as easy to do, as it is to say it on here. Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to unmask. I'd really like that. 

@Auspicidy 

I feel quite content being autistic. While I can be incredibly clueless and emotionally detached majority of the time, it doesn't bother me. I like being so separated from people because it feels peaceful and serene.

@Auspicidy

Im sort of both proud and ashamed. Im ashamed because when ever i stim or show my autistic traits everyone is like eww and wth but im also proud because i have learnt to excpet myself for who i am and not give a s4 about what other ppl say and think 

Tbh I feel a mix of both... I'm proud to have autism because I have talents that I probably wouldn't otherwise. I also feel like my hyperfixations help me stay motivated to work on stuff like my novel, artwork, etc.

But I also feel ashamed because my autism is partly what led me to being treated like a nobody in elementary school. By the time I finished with 6th grade, I decided that masking was a better option. 

It honestly sucks, and I feel so alone... I mean sure, my school has awareness things for stuff like this, but to me, it feels fake. It doesn't help, in fact it makes me feel worse. I just wish I didn't feel so weird around people as I sit alone during lunch or try and walk in the halls without running into anyone

I'm on the higher end of the spectrum for autism, but honestly, I feel almost as inferior as any self conscious autistic person would feel. I always feel like other people think my hyperfixations are stupid, and I'm super self-conscious about my body.

So honestly I'm more ashamed than proud... Though I've learned decent masking, and people have actually said they didn't know I had autism until I said something 🤷 

I can relate to all of you... It's nice to know I'm not the only one😅