autism & change

Anyone have any tips on how to effectively manage changes both big and small?

I'm in a tricky situation where I am not happy with how I look or dress as it does not match how I see myself or my gender identity, and I desperately want to make changes to better reflect this and feel more comfortable as myself. The problem is I really really struggle to manage change of any kind, and I have not changed how I look or dress in years, and I am really struggling to even consider making changes let alone get myself to make them, no matter how much I might want to. I am not sure what I can do.

The only 'solution' I have found for dealing with changes and the distress it causes is to simply not make any, just to keep things exactly the same. That isn't the most helpful thing, but the sameness feels safe and familiar.

I don't know how I will ever be able to like myself if I continue staying the same as this person who does not feel like the real me, but I don't know how to change things without causing significant distress.

Any ideas?