Getting tired.

im so sick of having bipolar because i would notice me being bipolar after the fact and how its taking effect on people's behavior. i have always thought of it like this, i just want to make it so i can be able to realize and express the emotion without it switching. and i also believe that bipolar comes with hallucinations. My hallucinations are getting kind of bad and at my RTC, i would hallucinate to the point that the hallucinations would get physical , if that makes sense. they would touch me and touch others. also, this has nothing to do with this but my intrusive thoughts are bad too, their always sexual and i dont know what it means but if yall do please tell me. thanks for listening.