Having a partner w/ BP: a story
Over a month ago my partner had his first manic episode. It happened at work and the staff felt his actions/language was strange. The workplace went into lockdown and the police then went looking for him. They'd ask if he were under any influences of drugs or if he's been previously diagnosed with /anything/, and whether or not he plans on harming anyone. All of which I had answered no to, but of course there was still an aire of disbelief. The police later tracked him down and he lied about his identity and all the while these events were unfolding I was still at work being disclosed more information.
I felt the pressure to leave this relationship since I've been diagnosed with major depression for over 4 years now, and felt it was necessary to focus on my own health. Nonetheless I stuck around to listen and we didn't officially take a break until a couple weeks in and he's already been hospitalized. He confessed to me that he'd cheated on me earlier on in the relationship (had also try to reason with me that he got lonely/anxious), all of which I did not excuse but felt like his symptoms had motivated him to commit such acts. We are back together now and communicate more than ever before.
More than feeling alone bc friends can't relate or simply understand, I'm afraid I'm becoming impatient with this person whom I love very much.
Do you have a story you are willing to share? Or anything constructive to say to my story?
@jstpechy I can say that I understand you. My little brother has a mixture of Bipolar/ADHD/Autism and I have had to take care of him for 20 years. I am 30 now, but of course I still go visit him, and he really hasn't changed. The bipolar caused these scary outbursts and some can be suicidal even. When my brother was about 10 or 11, he attacked my mother w/a kitchen knife. When he was 18, he came into the bathroom while I was taking a shower - it was like he was possessed - and he was naked and tried coming in the shower w/me .. He was strong and I had to keep punching him so he would let me go. I called the police. That was 2004. He was put into a group home then. Well, I just thought I'd share some of my messed up life experiences w/a bipolar individual. It's hard when you really love the person. I love my little brother, he can't help his disabilities, but he's done some scary things. You love your boyfriend, but he has done some unnecessary things. He can try going to psych first? If he wants to get help he will. My little brother was always spoiled by my mother b/c she felt sorry for him, so that left him no room to grow up and learn. He just acts like a baby. But your boyfriend can still get help.
@TransAm85 @TransAm85 I really appreciate you sharing your story. The main reason why I am even willing to be in this relationship is because he is choosing recovery, although reluctant at first and angry/ confused as to what was 'wrong' with him (I'm sure you can relate this to your experience w/ your brother also), he is willing to listen to his loved ones and has been on antipsychotics and going to group therapy 4 times a week. My biggest fear is that I place myself in a position that make me out to be someone who thinks they know better, quite possibly that is a projection of my anxiety. Which is why I also am in therapy and I understand if this relationship progresses that it will be a constant maintaining of communication and patience. Some times it's simply more important to listen than to understand. I hope that you are healthy and happy. It's incredible that after such experiences that you're still willing to be there for your brother. It reassures me that I can see this person [my partner] for the essence of who he truly he is, because before this episode he was extremely loving and supportive, but was constantly scared of being abandoned, and not simply for his illness which is just an attribute to who he is.
I am in a relationship where my husband was just let diagnose with bipolar about 3 months ago. He has been in a depression for almost 4 years, now he is in a mania phase and I am having a really hard time with it. He cheated on me about a year ago and no for the last 2 months I keep catching him on chat sites like meet me and such. I don't know what to do, I am just worried that he is going to cheat again but he is so against counseling that I don't know if we will be able to get past this. So any advice would be appreciated! Thanks
@Izzy1 Hi, it sounds to me that it has taken a tremendous amount of patience to stay in this relationship and I hope that you are putting effort toward taking care of yourself also. Bipolar disorder can affect a person's level of sexual tedencies during a manic episode. I am on the same boat as you, though; I fear that my partner will cheat on me again, but understand that these acts although unexcusable, can change.
Here is an article that provide step-to-step guidelines on how to help your bipolar loved one to cope, and in turn can help your relationship with them.
If you want to reform your relationship with your husband, he has to first be willing to get proper treatment and help himself. It was very hard to tell myself this, but no one can help them except them. At the end of the day you're simply in the passenger seat giving intructions and he is the one driving. It may be hard for him to see what is currently unbalanced about his character because he's in a manic episode, which often than not involves feeling of apathy.
I cannot speak for your experience so I will share you mine: my partner cheated on me while I was away on vacation for 2mths, before I'd left we didn't set anything in stone about our relationship since we'd only been together for a month at that point, but we both knew that we strongly valued commitment. Anxiety can drive people to think certain actions are 'ok', an old coworker reach out to him and they hung out. He tried to explain himself by saying that "I didn't get anything from her, she'd gotten oral, I realize I was thinking about you the entire time". Still can't excuse his actions, I made clear to him that he had hurt me and that although that was over a year ago now, he'd made a mistake and will have to be patient with me as I learn to trust him all over again. In short, you have to be open about what you feel and communicate as clearly and concisely about your stance on things with him. I do not regret going on a break while my partner was hospitalized because it taught me that I am my #1 priority.
Sweetie, do yourself a favor and take the best care of yourself. If you want to work on your relationship with your husband, he has to be just as willing and currently it will be hard for him to even know if he is. Bring back memories of what has brought you two together, relive some of the things that are missed with him. Remind him that he's loved and that it will be okay. Remind yourself that too, please. Advise him to go to counselling, and perhaps put yourself through councelling too because it doesn't hurt to get help. Best wishes to you both.
@jstpechy thank you so much for the advice and the article! They will both be extremely helpful, I am starting counseling later this week, I just wish that he would be more willing to go. He seems to think that he can do no wrong right now. I know that is the illness talking, but it's so hard to get him to listen to anything without making him angry! It's good to talk to someone how is going through a similar experience and know that I am not alone. I hope that you and you Bf can get through this!
@Izzy1 No problem, thank you for sharing your story also! :) I hope the best for you and your husband. My partner was relunctant at first and was angry and confused, but he's slowly getting better. It is also good to not expect him to return to his 'old self' because think about it, after experiencing a manic episode it's hard to see things the same way. Many people go into manic episodes for months straight and don't realize how illogical or outlandish the things they say or do were. It takes time, but the main focus is you. If you can't help yourself you won't be able to support him. I had to beg my boyfriend to get evaluated, and he says now that he "got what he deserved" from being hospitalized and chased down by the police. Sadly, it sometimes have to be the hard way for a person to recover. We're working hard to communicate, and he's been upkeeping medicine and therapy, but before all of this drama I can sure tell you that he was not willing to even admit that he's depressed. Much love your way <3!