My bipolar/trauma story
When I was 10 I witnessed a graphic violent murder and have been left scarred. Soon afterwards I started experiencing extreme moods, odd patterns in my eating and sleeping schedule and frequent panic attacks. Over time it got worse and worse until I felt completely hopeless because I didnt know why I lost control in my moods and actions sometimes. When I was 13 I went through the worst depressive episode I've ever had and did some pretty destructive things. Before this episode I tried explaining to my parents my thoughts and feelings but they didnt believe me and thought I was attention seeking. After this depressive episode they realized something was wrong and took me to a doctor. The doctor recommended me to a psychiatrist and I was not taken seriously at first. Over time things progressively got worse and worse until my parents took me to a different psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety and panic disorder and gave me meds. Though they helped me control my panic attacks, they made my mood swings even worse. I went back to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. She put me on some meds and they improved my moods alot but my thoughts still bothered me. At 14 I went through my second mania episode and started seeing things and hearing things. Eventually after many med trials and many therapists things have been pretty under control for me. I still have bad days but overall things have been better.
@Roses12
Thank you for sharing. You're incredible brave.I'd like to tell you that you're not alone. What you are experiencing is completely normal. I have had similar experiences when I was sexually assaulted by my baby sitter at 12. Going throught trauma is tough, especially on your own. I can tell you it took me a long time, I still don't trust people completely. There are days when I wait for others to hurt me or expect them to leave me. I understand what you're going through. You're scared and alone, and your trauma haunts you. The best thing to do is to try to let go. It's scary and daunting, believe me I know. It's not going to be easy, in fact is probably going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. But you can only heal once you've learned to let go. There world has some good in it, I can promise you that. What you saw is only a small part of the world. There is so much more for you to see. You need to realise that you are more than your trauma. That experience is a part of you, but it does not define you. Everyone has a dark side, and dark times too. The bad does not define you if you know there is good in you. Let go of the anger and fear inside of you and learn to live. To feel is to be human, remember that. Show the world who you can be. Once you heal, you will learn to grow, and anything is possible after that. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I'm here for you hun.
@stargirl421
Thank you so much. That's what I needed to hear. I've struggled with my trauma so much especially because I believe it's not bad enough to be considered trauma and its invalid even though I struggle with it almost every day. I'm learning to not only accept it but how to let go but it's so hard and some days it just seems easier to let it control me. I appreciate the support and the advice. It was very helpful.
@Roses12
Hun you are never alone. I can prommise you that. I know it is hard to let go, it is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. But don't let fear control you. You are better than that. At some pooint I just went fuck it and I've been better every day. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard and sometimes you won't get there. But it's okay to have setbacks when you learn from them. People may think you're a freak but honestly fuck them. They don't deserve you. Focus on the positive and anytime you need me just call. We've got to stick together.
Kisses
