Romantic Partners
Readers,
Many of us are engaged in long term relationships that have served us even when we feel most unworthy or alone.
If you're one of these lucky people, please share what keeps your relationship healthy and happy. These are some of the best kept secrets!
♡
*bump*
A lot of us can probably relate to struggling with relationships due to having Bipolar Disorder. And also, with thriving in them.
What does everyone have to say?
@ladylazarus1971
So I struggle with this I was recently in a relationship and the young man that I was dating I thought was awesome but I didn't know I was in my depressive state so we should not have had sex we should have just kept it as a platonic relationship now we're not together anymore and I want to see if I can connect back with him but I'm scared because he never called me back he never returned any of my texts what should I do?
@honestBranch5884 I'm not the best at helping you find your path in matters such as these-- you may want to try a 1-1 with a Listener to work through what makes the most sense to do in a situation like this. My relationships have been rocky as h***.
Personally, I would say that if you reach out one more time, with some thoughts about what is in your heart, and hear no reply, you need to let it go. There is nothing any of us can do that will make someone else connect with us again once that connection has been lost.It has to come from their end too.
Good luck, honey, I know this can't be easy.
@ladylazarus1971
I did it. I had a trigger when I went by a restaurant and it triggered my first date with him this past weekend. I did reach out to him. I shared that I was near the restaurant. I sure that was a fond memory. And surprisingly he return the text indicating that he misses me and that he thinks about me a lot. I am so confused
@3PillarsofStrength Confusion is part of our entanglements with others. Especially in romantic relationships. You may have a restart of the connection happening, but only time will tell. Remember to follow your instincts, as you did in texting him about the restaurant, and don't jump to any conclusions as to where the connection is going-- either good or bad.
Glad you had the strength to try reaching out to him! Very brave!
I have been dating him for three and a half years now, and I still can't believe the amount of healing this relationship has brought me. But here are some of the things that have been helpful.
He tends to be a head over heart person (very logical, can often think himself out of what I would get mentally tangled up in) and admits that he doesn't understand the kind of pain I experience, but he believes it is real. His best friend and roommate crumbled in college with Bipolar 2 (also my diagnosis), and he says there's no denying it's a real thing even if he can't comprehend it himself. So, he admits to the existence of something he doesn't comprehend and tries to accomodate it by learning what I need. For my part, I have to be vocal about what I need and fight past the belief that I am too much trouble, because he can't read my mind.
Keeping open communication is very, very key. He loves me, but he also pushes me (very gently) to be better, and that is helpful. He never uses shame, he just asks me to work on something, and I want to accomodate as much as I'm able (sometimes I question my ability to change a certain thing, but I commit to trying at least). Because there is a good deal of love and respect on both sides, we are willing to make changes for each other.
Also, asking him what he really thinks has become important. Jumping to conclusions and judging myself through his eyes (I did this thing and now he hates me, or he said this little thing and obviously I can extrapolate that to mean there will be major issues down the line) is extremely damaging. So I force myself to ask him the "stupid obvious" questions so I can negate the frenetic tapes running through my head screaming that the relationship is going down in flames. He understands that I need a lot of reassurance here, and he's willing to give it.
At the same time I am seeking healing, though, because I don't want to always be questioning him. I do believe that if I did nothing but question his love for me to sate my daily anxiety, it would eventually become a raw point between us. So I ask when I absolutely cannot take the thought cycles, for now, and am seeking healing for the underlying pain that causes this. And I think that's a serious point: I keep trying. And I'm tired of trying (and failing), but I can't stop now. I want to heal. I want to be a more whole person so that my brokenness doesn't hurt the people around me, and so my pain is less as well.
@RoseD So beautifully said. I found myself nodding along at all the great steps that you're taking, and your ways of dealing with the negative self talk and catastrophism that goes along with having the kind of anxiety dealing with BDII brings.
I hope someday I can find enough fortitude and determination as you have, and work like this to make my relationships more healthy.
@RoseD
This is so beautiful!
