Surprises just don't stop
I've shared in a few posts lately how after 16 years old bipolar it still pulls surprises. Despite my use holiday then winter depression I've been abruptly rapid cycling starting one of two days ago. One day I slept most of the day. But on the upside since. No sleep in 32ish hours and no need. Not tired. Maybe it's the unique stress this year that Christmas is actually at our house tomorrow for the first time in a decade. Well the manic like energy is very useful for all the cleaning. I'm gearing to hardcore lemon pledge all wooden furniture...all is cherry or another wood. One down fall is sending 2 manicy fueled emails to the pastor of my family's church. A church I spent my life it but now that they know I'm gay I'm outcasted if I visit. Well God must have sent an angel today because both novel length emails failed to send for a weird problem. His lucky day I suppose. It's also field by my current unconscious battle. I self analysed a found a big problem for my therapist to work on now. But it wasn't satisfactory because I didn't record the self analysis in my journal. I feel proud to say at least I'm actively trying to figure things out and hunt solutions. But really right now just feels like someone slipped me a mild amphetamine. I pray nothing intensifies. If I don't have sleep before family arrives tomorrow I'm going to look like I should be inpatient. Which wouldn't happen...
@TrueSight I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time, especially during the holiday season. It takes a lot of courage to share your struggles, and I appreciate your openness. It sounds like you're dealing with a complex mix of emotions and experiences.
It's commendable that you're actively trying to understand and address your feelings, even amidst the rapid cycling and unique stressors you're facing. Your dedication to self-analysis and seeking solutions is a testament to your strength and resilience.
Handling family dynamics, especially in the context of your church, can be incredibly difficult. It's unfortunate that you're feeling outcasted, but it's clear that you're grappling with these issues in a thoughtful way.
Remember that you don't have to face everything alone. If you have a therapist, reaching out to them about your recent self-analysis and the current challenges you're experiencing might provide additional support and guidance. Taking care of your well-being is a journey, and it's okay to ask for help along the way.
I hope that you find moments of peace and rest during this holiday season, and that your family gathering goes as smoothly as possible. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen 💜
@Mya000 thank you!
