Awww smells like insanity or as I call it home

okay so I’ll keep it simple, I’m poor I’m in a possibly emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissistic sexually confused schizophrenic much much older female. I’m bipolar with complex ptsd or personality disorder I have narcissistic tendencies we are extremely scared to go forward in a relationship how can we receive therapy as a couple to better help us communicate without violent words or needs for our relationship to become a war to hurt the other more emotionally. I’m in love with her but she knows it and has cheated but won’t admit then left got back with her ex boyfriend then 5 months later after leaving a door open and ghosting me out of the woodwork pops up saying she loves me and wants to be with me but her behavior was as if I was the one that left and I cheated and I hurt her but she left my life in shambles and played with my heart. Now I’m unsure if this is intentional emotional manipulation and abuse and they are back because she loves me and had to realize it or if she’s back because her ex caught on to her game and kicked her to the curb or she can tell she’s losing her grip on the the ex and it’s coming to an end and that’s the only reason she reached out was because she needs her ego stroked after a lose or she doesn’t want to be alone. All I know is I’m in love with her and I’m probably making up more excuses and showing hope where there is clearly none but I lose everything I love. I’m a good hearted person at my core and I’ve been through a lot my life but love this feeling I have with this person i know if I don’t fight for it to sustain it that if I ever fall in love with another person I’d just settling no matter what. 30 year age gap dynamic lots of mental health mostly personality disorders on both ends and a interesting dose of depression and self loathing and co dependency! Is it possible for her and I to ever rebuild trust again? How? I have so much hurt for the abandonment she reopened that I love her and miss her memory but I hate being around her. She’s so manipulative and a damn good liar! Nothing gets past me but the girl is my kryptonite and I hate her but I can’t live a normal life without her as she clearly can with me