Hello!

Don't really know if this is the right place to post this..

My mental state has been declining really bad lately. It has been like this for a few months, maybe 3 or 4. I've been really depressed and anxious, I can't leave my house, I can't get out of bed, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm very paranoid and I feel like everyone is hating me and trying to make harm me. I'm annoyed by everything. I have had these really bad symptoms for these past weeks but tonight something way worse happened. I am very scared. I was walking home and I felt very confused. I could barely breathe. I started hearing sounds and was very scared. I saw shadows and things that were not actually there. I got home and tried to talk with my father but my speech was incoherent. I am very confused and scared. I started crying uncontrollably for absolutely no reason. I again started seeing things that were not actually there. I keep zoning out and shaking.

I have been feeling down for around 6 years maybe, but it always comes and goes in waves. The last years were ***. S€lf h@rm, drüg @buse, you name it. I also have a long list of people in my family who have been dealing with @ddiction and other mental health issues.

Last year around this time I decided to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and since then I started taking medication.

I am on the verge of completely shutting down.

So sorry for the long paragraph but I have absolutely no one to talk to.