I lost my kids due to BPD

8 months ago I gave birth to my first child he was a boy. I had 2 step kids at the time and was in a comme low marridge. After I gave birth I had surgery 1 week later my partner looked off before I went into surgery after I came out 2 hours later he told me he dosent think we are supposed to be together and wants to explore his options this was after I took in his kids as my own for the last 4 years and than gave birth to his. I wasent on my medication becase I wanted to breastfeed so I wasent sain he was supposed to be my sanity my safe place to fall back on. And out of any time in life thid was when I needed him most. I lost it thow I took my child and I ran away from him. And im not sain when im of my pills I see things and hear things I ended up telling thr police all these things that went true about him and got court involved he has 4 criminal charges on wich things he didnt do he lost his 2 step kids I lost mine as well and we have family court. I ended up being forced to go back on my pills and after I had been on them I realized what I had done. BPD took over my hole life. I have been fighting for my kid for 8 months now and im doing everything im supposed to do but I still have BPD episodes whenever my visits with my boy are done. I see him 4 times a week from 8 am to 5 pm and I just started to do one over night a week wich is nice. Im on my medication I have done e parenting clases I go to therapy I take my medicine and I paid for a corse I did on handling my mental health I have gone above and beyond what CPS has asked me to do and they said I should have my kid back soon. My ex has also doing everything right and will get his kids back as well soon. I havent seen my step kids in 8 months but there grandparents tell me they talk about me all the time and when I left something inside them broke 💔 wich broke me to I didnt relize they needed me so much I miss them so mu h I miss everything. I have a lot of judgment from my town where I live in but I have come to relize that I should not take there judgment personally as when someone see me with my child I earned that position I deserve to have him. And im proud of myself but one thing I know is im going to try to take down thr criminal court charges eich is what im working on now and im doing more legal documents to adopt my step kids. There mom isent fighting for custody for them she dosent show up to court for them or anything so I will take all thr money I saved and fight for them. I promised to them I would never leave and I intend to keep my promise. P.s im pregnant 🤰 soon thats 4 kids in my hands lol and there all worth it and I will love them all. BPD creeps in ones in a while but I know I wont let myself get to the state I was again. I wont let anyone or anything separate my dream of my kids at the dinner table sitting together praying before supper under the sun of our home stead. Thats my story thats my life anf im still fighting the battle and I know we all are. Thank you for reading my story ❤️