Reasons for Living
I am the successor inthe matriarch in my house, since my grandmother is getting older and older.
Someone needs to be in charge and manage it.
I am finally setting boundaries and letting go of other people's burdens.
Stop staying silent and letting someone walk all over me or my family.
I have some lovely little dogs who, even though they smell like cheese and misbehave, take care of us.I have some lovely little dogs who, even though they smell like cheese and misbehave, take care of us and are part of the family.
Because if my mother and great-grandmother are watching from heaven, they can rest assured that the pattern won't repeat itself.
Funeral services are ridiculously expensive.
The storm is coming, and I must gather patience and inner strength.
I stopped eating due to anxiety, and I don't find satisfaction in junk food. Smoking weed became less necessary and more like a way to relax because it makes me a little slower.
AND PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT:
I genuinely want to believe it's not a manic episodeI genuinely want to believe that this is not a manic episode and that it is a real change.
@fxckinheartIt's very good news that you are setting boundaries. I like to use a technique that I call "compassionate assertiveness." They compassion part comes in when I make sure to set those boundaries before becoming upset with someone for having attempted to cross them. To set a boundary and know that you will not allow it to be violated, is something that others are usually pretty good at sensing.
For example, if you are a parent, and you correct a child or set specific limits for them, and you never allow them to violate those limits or boundaries, the child is far more likely to accept those rules without making a fuss. At the same time, they are far more likely to feel secure and loved. That's because they know what to expect from you, and that you were truthful when you set the boundaries. Even if they disagree with the boundaries, they will respect your commitment to maintaining them.
If you are a parent who sets boundaries, but gives into a child's nagging, pressure or guilt manipulation, and allows those boundaries to be crossed, or perhaps even worse, enforcing the boundaries intermittently, the child may never stop trying to cross the boundaries. In such homes, children rarely respect such a parent. There is often a huge amount of tension, and both the child and parent end up feeling very insecure.
You know what? When it comes to setting boundaries, the same consistency and commitment to maintaining them is required for everybody, not just children. When it comes to boundaries, being true to your word is the most compassionate thing you can do.
Pets are wonderful! I'm glad you have two such endearing souls in your life.
I noticed that the reasons that you have chosen for remaining with us, speak of your position in the family, the cost of funerals, and how your mother and great-grandmother might feel, if you gave up.
I would like to add that you deserve to be a friend to yourself. Not only do you deserve love, but you also deserve self-love, because clearly you are a good person. Sometimes I like to express and in verse of the Golden rule. That is to treat yourself as well as you treat others. There is a Scripture that says to "love your neighbor as yourself." That doesn't accomplish much if you don't love yourself.
I changed my diet about 15 years ago, and it was very helpful. Between that, and maintaining an exercise routine, I have felt better ever since. It's not like I don't have aches and pains, but overall I feel healthier now than I ever have before.
Regarding the possibility of a manic episode, your thoughts seem to be clear and realistic, so if there is a degree of mania, it also seems as though you are becoming more grounded with coping strategies.
My daughter has similar issues, but for the past few years, with her own lifestyle changes, along with medication adjustment, she's been doing better than ever. I'm really proud of her. I'll bet there are people in your life who are proud of you as well, even if they never talk about it.
