Tuesday morning

Everyone has day by day problems, some much, much worse than others. Mine, except for some health issues, seem to be non existent. I've been truly blessed in that regard. Mine lay on the guilty, self loathing, irritable, irrational, mixed-up, no good, thoughts and feelings I bear. The high and low, never in between, rhythms of bipolar. I'm on the fast track to the bottom and I don't know how to derail it. I mean, I've been to this point enough times to know the standard remedies, I'm just tapped out of the wherewithal to follow through with them. Maybe this is a step, I dunno. I just feel so very tired and alone. I tell myself the dreaded phrase, just suck it up, to make myself feel guilty because I can't just suck it up, I just suck. I don't quite know what to expect from this, it sure is painful though. Danny