Undiagnosed bpd

@anayiii

You are human.

And we are all just navigating our way through difficult emotions as best as we can 💖💜

@anayiii

Getting wrapped up in that thought spiral and those intense self-critical thoughts sounds like one exhausting, full time job. I hear a lot of judgement on the very human mistakes made, and on how you reacted. “I’m mad at myself that I messed up, and I’m mad at myself for being mad.” I imagine having those constant, critical thoughts and feelings would wear someone down pretty quick. 

I also hear how hard you’re trying to take a step back and not let those thoughts crowd in your head. I’ve had that same thought, “What’s wrong with me? Why did I have to mess up?”, and for me it seemed to take away any energy I might have to fight those negative thoughts and feelings. To what @Amanda84 said, thinking “You know what, I’m human, and humans are pretty much programmed to make mistakes. If someone else broke the coffee pot, I wouldn’t be saying to them what I’m saying to myself.” I know that when you have those constant, self-degrading thoughts, trying to change them into something positive can feel difficult or disingenuous at first too. 

I don’t know if you have, or have had a pet. It may sound silly, but as pets can be the most nonjudgemental pieces in our world that we love, I’ll laugh to myself, “my dog wouldn’t care about this mistake I just made. If I get to the point where my pet is concerned, then I’ll reevaluate.” It can add some levity to those heavy thoughts and feelings. Here are some facts I see: You deserve kindness, you are allowed to be irritated and upset (it’s ok not to be hard on yourself for being hard on yourself), and you are truly doing your best. :)