is this something i should be worried about?

hey. i don’t really know where else to say this so i’ll just put it here. it’s been almost 6 years of this now, and i honestly don’t know what’s going on with me anymore. i’m not trying to be dramatic, just tired of keeping it all in.

i see and hear things. faces in walls, shadows moving, lights shifting, full-on figures sometimes. i hear voices or sounds even with headphones in, and at night i can’t sleep till 3–4 am because i feel like someone’s watching or messing with me. during the day, i see this purple-green pattern over everything — those colors stuck with me because they just keep showing up.

i feel disconnected a lot. like when i burn or cut myself, it doesn’t hit me as pain, i just watch it. but sometimes, out of nowhere, i’ll get these deep, weird emotions that don’t fit anything—like waves of sadness or anger that have no obvious cause. i’ve made random facial expressions or said nonsense without realizing it until later. i also get these creepy crawling sensations on my skin, but nothing’s there. my thoughts echo in my head–loops that never seem to end.

i don’t recognize myself anymore. i avoid mirrors and photos because i feel like someone else’s face is looking back. my preferences, my opinions, even my sense of purpose change constantly. some days i think i have some hidden reason i was meant to be here, other days i feel like nothing. i don’t know who i am or what i’m supposed to be.

i’ve isolated myself so much. i don’t really have friends, i pushed everyone away, and i don’t take care of myself—basic stuff feels like there’s a block stopping me. school, work, daily life… it’s all been falling apart. i’ve been pretending to feel “normal” for years, but deep down i don’t know why i bother.

i’m not saying i have schizophrenia or anything, but some people told me to get help and i’m starting to wonder if it’s something like that. if anyone here has experienced anything similar or has any idea what this might be, i’d really appreciate hearing from you.

thanks for reading.