I may be suffering from psychotic episodes

I'm really only posting so that part of my growth path will clear up, haha. But I've been struggling with this for a while and, on this website, there isn't a very dedicated space for my other issues, so I don't think this would hurt to establish as part of my presence on here.

Since maybe middle-school age, I've suffered from what I can only assume are psychotic episodes. They're not like my panic attacks, which are immobilizing but don't cause a break from reality. They're not constant and they're not active, but sometimes I get this illogical paranoia about myself and the world that puts me in a quiet but intense survival mode that I have no idea how to combat, if it were at all resistible.

These episodes tend to come after long periods of this kind of survival mode. I'm still hesitant to really write about all the details, but paranoia encapsulates it. When my episodes happen, they start as me crying and feeling overwhelmed with fear, and then they surge into me sobbing and screaming and throwing myself around. I get exhausted really quickly--to be fair, I'm not the most physically fit person, haha--and by the end I'm lightheaded and tingly.

I have no idea what to call them besides psychotic episodes because they feel so surreal and they're caused by even more far-fetched feelings and fears and beliefs.

I also have no idea what kind of response or outreach I'm looking for with this post... maybe just to get this out in a place where I know people would understand. I can't bring this to anybody I know in real life--not because I'm afraid they won't listen, but because I'm afraid and can reasonably deduce that they won't understand what I'm telling them. I've mentioned this aspect of my life to them before and they always react confused or awkward because they think I'm joking.