My wife is in crisis, and she doesn’t even know it

I’m at a loss here.

I have a beautiful wife who just completes me. She is 32, about to turn 33 in January. I am 42, so there is a small 9.5 year age gap. She has such a tender heart, and I am just absolutely in love with the kind of person she is. Most of the time. We’ve been married for 7.5 years, and together 8.5 years. We’re going through trying to have a baby via IVF and a surrogate. It’s likely she won’t be able to carry children after she has a surgery to correct endometriosis, fibroids, and ovarian cysts. Read the rest, but could the following be hormone related because of this? We’re gonna try, but first we’re going to have some embryos ready just in case. She’s going to be such a great mother.

On to my concerns. I don’t know how else to say it that to just come out with it. My wife hears things that just aren’t there. Some examples. We’ve moved several times because she says the neighbors are verbally attacking her. She’s convinced it has to do with race. I am white and she is black. Our current neighbors are all black on either side of the house. I say this just for context. Anyhow, she currently has normal volume level conversations with our neighbors through two houses with about 12 feet of space in between each house. For the record, I have never heard anything since we’ve moved here 6 months ago. In fact, our one set of neighbors are very kind people who give many things back to the community. He’s a former police officer. He says hi to me every time he sees me. I rarely say anything back though unless my wife is working. She accuses me of “colluding with the enemy.” So now I have to pretend I hate the neighbors also. I get worried when we are on our back porch or if she goes outside when I’m not home. Because she says things that they could hear and it could eventually start an unwarranted confrontation. I don’t say anything to my wife when she are having these “conversations” in the house because there is zero possibility that the neighbors could hear her. Especially at normal levels. She’s convinced that they pick on her because she’s married to a white guy, and she works a lot. We communicate mainly by text, even when we are both hokeShe says they say things that just don’t make logical sense. So now if I want to have any kind of peace in our home, I have to agree with her and say things back myself. Through the two houses. They can’t hear anything, so it’s not an issue in that respect. But I’m being forced to basically be an *** to two great people. I’m thinking about having a conversation with them when I see them and my wife is at work. Just so they know I’m actually a nice person and incase she ever becomes confrontational with them. I have had conversations with her trying to gently tell her that the things she’s hearing just aren’t real. It didn’t go well for me. So now I’m stuck in this predicament.

This has been the same situation everywhere we’ve lived. Probably 10+ moves in 8.5 years. I tell her we can’t moved again right now because we just can’t afford it. Which we can’t. We’ve gotten into so much debt because of this.

A little more contest. She is from Jamaica and was never exposed to racism until she came here to the US with me. We have experienced some awful stuff as far as racism goes. So maybe it has just thrown her over the edge? I’m thinking paranoid schizophrenia. But that’s just me searching Google.

On to a little more of the story. She works as a caregiver. Currently she’s working full time afternoons and a couple days overnight at a different facility.

The same things happen at work for her. I could show you pages and pages of texts I get from her on daily basis how all the workers are coming down on her for things that just don’t make sense. Calling her names that just don’t make sense. She’s also started saying that the management team as well as the residents themselves are starting in on her. She has left so many jobs because of this. It’s hard for us to climb out of any debt because of this. I work around 60 hours a week myself just to keep us afloat. We are sending every extra penny to Jamaica to finish our house there and eventual business (shop/restaurant/Airbnb). I’m thinking they if we can get that done sooner rather than later, we can get back to where she would be more comfortable. And maybe all of the hearing of voices and hearing just utter nonsense would stop. But with how it’s getting worse, I’m no longer so sure.

I have no doubts that she occasionally deals with legitimate racism on occasion. As we do occasionally get it as an interracial couple when we’re out together.

I would defend her to the end of the earth. Whether she was in the right or the wrong. But this is starting to have very negative repercussions. Today she texted me to say she was quitting the full time job over it. Again. 😔

I just don’t even now how to begin to get her help. When I tried to say it’s not real as gently as I could, she says I’m with them.

Please help with any advice on how to deal with this.

I love her so much. ❤️🇺🇸🇯🇲