my story

I never thought that I fit the mold of having bipolar type 1. To be completely honest, I grew up with little to no education on mental health. The only resources that I had about mental health and wellness were the sad characters on TV or tumblr...I know, its a broad spectrum but this is all that I had.\

Lets start my story back in high school because that's how far my memory takes me. I had little to no friends because I had a hard time opening up about the small things. The only time I would ever open up was when something catastrophic occured, but that was usually with family. So my social life (if you could call it that) was nonexistent. I lived vicariously through books, movies, and my imagination. Matter of fact, whatever beliefs that I thought to be true about my life and the world around me was true.

When I graduated high school and went to college, that was the loneliest that I had ever been. I was a lone ranger and didn't think that I could relate to the. world around me. I was really depressed and spent a lot of time alone. I remember sitting in the cafeteria of my community college at the time, hoping and praying that I could have a least one friend to talk to. Of course it was winter time and beyond cold outside, so of course I thought I was the only one going through this. But when spring time came around, I was in a different world. There were glimmers of hope that came about from time to time, but my feelings were never consistent. It felt like I was I was on a yo-yo all the time.

When I left community college, I had my first manic episode that landed me in the hospital for 8 days in 2017. To this day I'm not 100% percent certain what triggered the episode, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't (well I guess it can, but i'll discuss that later) matter because i'm in a much better space than when I was in high school, because let's face it, what happens in high school (meaning patterns that you develop) doesn't necessarily stay in high school.

I'm grateful for God for sustaining me this entire time, my new friend group, medications that work for me, my therapist, and for my last undergraduate fall semester being over.