Setting Boundaries: Self-Care or Selfish?
"The person receiving your boundary may feel disappointed, sad, or even mad. However, their response doesn’t mean that what you said or did was wrong or selfish. Setting boundaries is often an act of care.
What are boundaries? Why are they vital?
Boundaries are limits that typically protect something. They may protect others, such as giving a child the rule: “No playing in the street.” Or they may safeguard you—your time, contentedness, and security. Boundaries also preserve your relationships (e.g., with romantic partners, friends, family, acquaintances, and co-workers).
Boundary pushing
When someone doesn’t easily accept your boundaries, that doesn’t mean you have to ramp up your energy, get defensive, give details, or justify your limit. Doing any one of those can weaken your stance. For example, defensiveness tends to reveal your discomfort or uncertainty instead of shoring up what you said. Giving details or justifying your statement often opens a debate about your boundary. So keep it calm, kind, and to the point. For example, “I’m sorry to miss X. Thank you for inviting me.” That is much harder to manipulate than "I can't go to X because of this and that and then this other thing…."
6 tips for setting your boundaries with kindness
1. If appropriate to the situation, sample phrasings and a formula to follow:
- “I appreciate you and the invitation. And I’m sorry I won’t be joining.”
- “I appreciate you. And I understand that it might feel bad that I won't be [doing X, participating, volunteering, attending, etc.].”
2. Say “and” instead of “but” when you need either conjunction.
3. Instead of “I can’t,” choose “I won’t.”
4. If you prefer to keep things positive, state a yes instead of a no.
5. Say, "Let me get back to you," if you need to think about your answer or how to communicate it.
6. Keep TMI (too much information) out of your boundaries."
*Boundaries are so important for all aspects of our lives. We use boundaries in our work life, in our relationships, and even with ourselves! Boundaries are there to protect ourselves and others from going too far. Boundaries can be for anything! For example, I sometimes set boundaries with myself for how much money I can spend because sometimes I can get a little overboard. What kinds of boundaries do you set for yourself?*
#Boundaries #Limits #SelfControl
Please find the full article at Psychology Today.
@fruityPond7887
Boundaries are so important!
Personally, I like to give space for autonomy and avoid codependence.💛💫
@innateJoy9602 That's great that you have that in place for yourself! It's so important, especially as a listener! Thank you for sharing! ❤️
@fruityPond7887
I make sure to give myself enough space and time for self-care everyday, I also make sure to go to bed early if I need to wake up early so my mental health remains good. I also make boundaries for my boyfriend on what he can and can't do. In a way I'm communicating which boundaries that can be compromised and which one is set in stone
@professionalVision2624 Those are all excellent! Sleep is so important and I think we tend to forget how important it actually is! I'm glad you are taking care of yourself!
@fruityPond7887
Thank you for your sweet and kind words! Yes I have realized the importance of self-care now that I'm older but I wish I had developed this mindset in my early youth to help combat and prevent a lot of bad mental health episodes back then
@fruityPond7887 I would say exactly the same. Setting boundaries shows that we want someone to stay in our lives and that's why we are trying to create a stable and healthy relationship with them. It's the only way to ensure someone will have good reasons to be with us for as long as possible and this relationship will be meaningful. Thank you for sharing this article!
@calmDew1576 Exactly! It's not meant to be personal to anyone, but we all have limits. So it's important to make sure we are good and everything before pushing our boundaries again! 💖
