I'm tired...

am tired and stressed out.

I feel like things are never going to get better. And no, I'm not talking about 'rage-quitting life,' I don't want that.

It’s just that I feel... like I have nowhere to go. I feel like my life is heading toward absolute misery and no matter how hard I try, nothing improves.

I feel useless, incapable of doing anything. My job is completely overwhelming me, there are so many legal injustices, like not even having a pay stub, working hours without getting paid, so many gray areas where I can't even stand up for myself... and on top of that, the job is so stressful that I don't even get 30 minutes of break time to eat, I'm always rushing. I know there are plenty of people in worse conditions than mine, that finding a job nowadays is hard, I get all that... but I am so tired of having to minimize what is already breaking me just because others are going through the same thing.

​I ended up in debt. Because I didn't have a damn pay stub even though I demanded it, I had no choice in moments of emergency... I had to go to payday lenders that robbed me blind with interest rates just because I was a 'high-risk client,' all because I didn't have a pay stub... 8 hours straight under constant stress and high demand, plus the times they make me stay an extra hour with the excuse that it compensates for when I arrive late (something that has never happened in the 3 years I've been here).

​All of this... for what?

And the worst part is that I feel trapped. I have nowhere to land. I feel incapable. I feel completely lacking in communication skills, lacking in abilities, lacking in experience. Even if I wanted to look for something else, I feel like I'm unable to do it. I don't know how to cook, I don't know anything about administration, I don't know how to be a cashier, I don't know how to teach, I don't even know how to interact with people to sell something, let alone chat about the day.

​I feel incompetent. And I feel like I ruined my life with these debts that I'll never be able to pay off. And I can't just quit my job. But I'm at a point where I just want to throw it all to ***, even if that buries me financially.

I can't take this anymore.

And I don't know what else to do except... keep looking for another job.

But then there's also the... what if I leave one job just to end up in a worse one?

I just feel like nothing is ever going to get better..."