Moved, Roles and Relationships in the Family
Over a year ago my wife and I made the decision to move to the town where my in- laws live. Due to connections in the family my wife has a job set up and I would try to find work here teaching. We moved this summer and I never found a full time job teaching, but I have agreed to sub at a couple of schools meanwhile work on getting my Masters degree to add some endorsements to my license. Now school starts for our kids next week, and my classes start start in two weeks and my wife wants me to find a full time job so that she can stay at home or work part time so she can be at home more. That would be fine, but I wouldn't be able to continue my teaching program and I wouldn't be able to sub. There is an opening at a reputable company with really good benefits, but again I wouldn't be able to sub or complete my teaching program.
I've been the stay at home parent over the summer. I haven't done bad, but haven't done great. She is better at home, but considering the circumstances she makes a lot more money than I can or would, even if I found a full time job. She is really struggling with her mental health right now. I have tetar toterred with finding a full time job, but I'm kind of resentful in the fact that this was kind of the plan all along and I told her that we should've had this discussion a month ago before I enrolled in the program and we made all of these plans. I'm addition to me leaving my dream job so that we could live here.
@discreetNickel5433
It sounds like you have many things to talk about with her.... you moved to area that was set up for her / job etc and you sound like you are trying your best to find your footing in new place and now she wants to change the plan again?
Marriage is a team not her as coach telling you game plan changes then nope now we are doing this.
While i sympathize if she is struggling mental health wise .. is that due to the move as sometimes family add to that or was this an issue in last place you lived as well. perhaps if this is long term until she gets some counseling or therapy you should slow down the changes....
This one is difficult. I’d say whoever is going to make the most needs to stay there right now in this current economy. Complete your teaching program. There’s a reason why it’s called a masters degree. It’s going to take time. She is overwhelmed mentally because our economy is struggling while our people are getting over worked and then she comes home to continue doing chores and tend to children to go to bed and repeat it. She needs a break for sure but if you are able to stack up on the license and credentials within the next like 4-5 months then I’d say go for it now. She needs a spa MONTH and a vacation and some compassion. Maybe it may help motivate her to work her job until you’re ready to swap.
But I will say there is no way you will be able to comfortably and correctly get anything done involving studies and reports if you’ve got a full time job and kids. Not right now.
I hope I understand your situation correctly.
@discreetNickel5433
It sounds like you're facing a complex situation regarding your family's move and the roles and relationships within the family. While your initial plan was for you to find full-time teaching work and your wife to have more flexibility, circumstances have led to changes. Now, your wife wants you to find a full-time job for financial reasons, but that would affect your ability to continue your teaching program and sub. It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted and even resentful given the changes and sacrifices you've made. Communication with your wife about your concerns and exploring potential solutions together could be helpful in navigating this challenging situation.
Thanks for all the feedback guys. I really appreciate it. I agree with the comment above, she makes a descent salary so she needs to keep working. More than I could make working. Outside of teaching I have limited experience and skills, so whatever FT job I would get wouldn't pay nearly as much. I decided to continue with substitute teaching and working on my classes. Last we talked about it she said she was going to consider going part time. I told her that I would work any job that would allow me to continue my teaching aspirations. Ugh.
