Old, unemployed and miserable
Hi everyone,
In order to best describe my situation, I’ll use a timeless quote from the Pride and Prejudice 2005 movie “I’m 27 years old. I have no money, no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents. And I’m frightened”.
Well, that’s 100% me, except I’m not 27 yet; I’ll be in one month. I’m unemployed and never have been. How did that happen? I only defended my master’s thesis (in Chemistry) 6 months ago. I was really struggling with my master’s program - both the “subjects” part and the thesis part, so it took me 4 years to complete instead of 2. I know, embarrassing. Unfortunately, I had a difficult relationship with my supervisors and my colleagues, and I accept my part of the responsibility for that. I often wanted to try to do things my way, often missed deadlines and everything. I often felt exhausted, had brain fog, couldn’t concentrate and get myself to work. Later, it turned out I had a severe iron deficiency. And nevertheless, I completed my degree, even with a very decent grade.
At first, I kinda enjoyed being free, so I wasn’t particularly proactive in searching for a job. I learnt to cook, to embroider, and enjoyed a quiet life. Then I’d feel extremely intimidated with the job search process - everything felt (and still feels so so complicated), and it feels that I don’t stand a chance. What do I have to show? A master’s degree (which everyone in Portugal has) and a rather impressive list of languages (I’m Eastern European, hence, bilingual + English + Portuguese + a biiit of French). But who needs languages in industry? I’m not even hoping for a job, just an internship, with a minimum amount of money.
I feel so bad living at my parents’ expense. And even though I’m quite a typical “immigrant kid” - an interpreter/secretary/a bit of a lawyer to my parents, I feel like it doesn’t compensate. And they’ve spent so much money on my education: private international school, private tutors, etc. at school, I was the epitome of a perfect student, who could have thought…
I’ve been doing rather badly emotionally as of late. I had to increase my antidepressant dose again (almost 4 years of antidepressants - started 6 months after the war started) + have to take a sedative on top, almost every day. Not to mention melatonin. What makes things worse is that I’m not on good terms with my parents; they disapprove of my boyfriend (we are in a long-distance relationship). My boyfriend supports me as much as he can, but he is so far away. And my mum has a severe case of OCD, so our life is very restricted, my boyfriend says it’s worse than in a jail. And I cannot move out because I don’t have a job.
Why am I posting this? To get some support, I guess. And maybe connect with someone who finds themselves in a similar situation so that we can support each other.
And please do not judge - I already get a lot of that from myself.
@catalina1486
Well I understand the difficulties of surviving in college and living with your parents.
Kudos for trying to hold things together! I would go easy...
Life is not perfect for the majority of folks even though a lot of people pretend to live perfect lives..
Keep going! Find the light at the end of the tunnel..it's worth it!!🌟
Catalina, this is exactly like my story few years back. I completely get where you are coming from. After a point in time, one feels the act of "trying" as futile. It seems like running across in circles, only to come at the same spot again.
I am on meds right now and was when I was 27. Here's what helped me:
The biggest decision I took was when I decided to change my psychiatrist. I had been with previous one for almost 6 years. And felt time had come to seek a different opinion. Thats when I visited my current psychiatrist and have never looked back since. I have gone places, quite literally!
Though I am still on meds. But, I can't articulate in words how far I've come. From sleeping 12 hours a day, I now have a stable job, am a public speaker, and taking steps to become the best version of myself.
Do I still have bad days? Hands down, yes. The crests and troughs of life never go away. We just have to get stronger somehow in dealing with them.
And trust me, as cliched as it may sound, if someone like me could do it, then you certainly can!!
Hi Pooh! Thank you for replying! Your story is so inspiring! Maybe I should change my psychiatrist too, sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really listen to me and only says generic things. Glad to tell you that this week I got hired for a temporary project, remotely. This project is stressing me out and it’s not exactly what I want to do, it is not a stable job or anything but it’s real money and some work experience to put on my CV. I am very grateful for the opportunity. Hopefully I can come as far as you did (and no longer need 12 hours of sleep per day).
P.S. I saw on your profile that when you are sad, you hug a teddy bear, I do the same!
Wow, I am so so happy to know that. Love your attitude towards it. And yes, you will certainly come even further than I did. I was all down in the dumps, honestly. And if I could make it, anyone can.
I trust you and am delighted to know this news of a new temporary project. Here's to the good days that lie ahead, Catalina.
Aww, teddy 🧸 are the perfect antidote to low feelings. Unfortunately, I don't have a pet 🐕. But, I have around 4 teddy 🐻 🐨. And when I am low, I just switch off all lights, hug them as tightly as I can, and cry.
I feel so better with my teddy bears. Glad we share a similar trait in our affection towards teddy bear 🧸.
Omg, switching the lights off is my natural instinct when I’m down. Or taking a bath. I do have pets, 4 budgies to be exact, but they don’t like me, and then don’t let me pet them, so I still go for the teddy
Sorry don't wory God knows your situation just pray and trust God will find you Way out of your problem
Though I do pray daily, I still find it hard to trust God and often try to control everything((
Sorry don't wory God knows your situation just pray and trust God will find you Way out of your problem
Hey, to be honest this was probably the most relatable post I have read so far, Im soon to be 23, as you, I have no prior job experience, and I hate yself for it, I just get such anxiety that I wont be able to actually do somethign correcty, so I dont even try. It is also quite embarassing to live off of your parents, i know that feeling as im experiencing it now. Concerning the education, im in my final year of bachelors and honestly I dont even know if ill be able to finish it, im studying in a field i no longer find interesting but am expecting to continue with it. Life is just so confusing espeacilly with strict/crazy parents who are expecting so much and they dont even know how bad im doing. If you want to talk, Id be more than welcome, even for my own sake, friendships are rarer than diamonds in my life.
Hey, optimisticAvocado! Omg, the the anxiety of not being “able to do something correctly” is so so relatable! I’ve often felt like I’m not good for anything at all. Even if I do something well, I do it EXTREMELY slowly. I get the embarrassment, but actually I didn’t feel really embarrassed when I was a student. Being a student is a full time job, just an unpaid one. Ive noticed that unpaid effort is not appreciated(( If I may, I’d recommend to finish your degree, it feels very satisfying to get it done. And yes, I’d love to talk) Your bio says you are Lithuanians, we are actually neighbors, and I’ve being to Vilnius (loved it)
Oh, that’s nice, where are you from??? I’m from Lithuania but I’m studying in Warsaw right now, idk I was always afraid to apply due to my bad polish
Wow, you are studying in Polish, that’s impressive! I get that it can be hard in a foreign language, I’ve done it too, in Portuguese. I was born and raised in Belarus, and actually I have Lithuanian ancestry, my great-great-…-grandfather participated in the Kalinowski Uprising. After the rebellion was suppressed, he had to flee to Belarus where he started a family
@catalina1486
Hello, I am Spencer Duncan. I can show you the way you can explore with confidence for your future.
Just contact me. Then I will choose you as my collaborator and once we start working together, you will be proud of yourself.
I will wait for your reply.
Regards.