The Impossible Situation

TW: suicidal thoughts

Hi, I'm new here and I have plenty of issues—financial, social, mental, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, and cognitive, (perhaps intellectual, too). I quit my first onsite and fulltime job last July and was traumatized at myself and how I handled it upon looking back. I was in urgent need of a job since I was suffering the consequences of my financial mismanagement in an upscale city which is why I applied for as many high-paying jobs as I could. I didn't really read the job description for each position as I was rushing but ended up getting a few callbacks and chose the one with the highest salary. I was very confident, maybe even too much, that I could handle everything smoothly since I had previous experience with the job position (online and employers are the people who knew me). Then I kept making mistakes, could not follow simple instructions nor solve minor issues, fell short in generating new ideas, and was thinking about the endless negative possibilities of being fired. I could not eat properly and my routines were disrupted. Despite being constantly checked up by my officemates, I could not organize my thoughts properly nor communicate what I wanted/ needed to do. I became so suicidal that I overdosed on antibiotics hoping I would not wake up the next day. I did not even show up to work without permission about three times. I tried to improve my job performance by seeking advice, hanging out with friends, and looking up for online resources but none of it worked out. Our HR even went to my apartment several times to check up on me and the worst was when I was sleeping over at a former co-worker's house as she was messaging and calling me nonstop waiting outside during one stormy night. I was overridden with guilt, anxiety, and shame that I resigned through e-mail and did not claim my last pay. My officemates and even my boss were even reaching out to but I could not reply to any of them. In the end, I went back to my hometown now being under the care and support of my family who saw me as a disgrace a month after my humiliating first onsite job experience. Since then, I barely left my house, have poor eating habits, get teased by the people at home, hide in shame and avoid contact with my friends or any onsite job since everyone in my small city knows either me, my family, or my friends. I currently work as a virtual assistant for my sister for 17USD per 7hrs of online work and I've been wanting to get a better job. Problem is my low self-esteem gets me stuck in online job applications that require video introductions or interviews.

Can I get any advice for my situation? How do I deal with my fear, past actions and former co-workers? Are there any jobs that don't require turning on my camera or are there investment opportunities that accept minimum capital?