Weird coworker
Would appreciate it if you could share your input or insight.
I am making progress in not letting a coworker affect me emotionally. When he was transferred to our team, I tried to be friendly and trried to chat with him. I noticed had to in talking, or he would say nothing. I said hi to him; he sometimes just stared at me without saying anything. I noticed he only talks to certain people in the office. One time I walked into the conference room looking for a coworker I wanted to talk to about work. He happened to stand next to my seat. As soon as I sat down, he walked away and sat down at somewhere else. My coworker sitting next to me saw that and asked if I had any professional disagreement. At another time, another coworker thought the way he talked to me was disrespectful. Does he know he was being disrespectful? I don’t know. The walking away was really hurtful; it made me cry in the meeting. I thought about transferring to another team. My coworkers gave me encouragement that I am strong enough to not letting his behavior bother me. I have told my supervisor; there is how much she could do. I’m reminding myself often that I won’t let him bother me.
Any suggestions? What could be the reasons he acted like this?
@BeeZeeOtter
There will always be some we get along with more/ better then others in life / workplaces etc. I just learn who those i do not click with are and limit my interactions to not make the situation grow.
You have tried to be friendly at first for whatever reason he did not want to talk with you. It is OK if others do not chose to engage in conversation with people they do not know or perhaps do not see a reason to. I know I do not need to explain why to those whom I chose to not chat with.
Your co-workers see a disconnect and you spoke to a supervisor about it. Do you think maybe supervisor spoke to him? it would be logical if supervisor did .........but that may want him to avoid you even more like walking away in break room. I know if supervisor spoke to me about why are you not friendly with BEE ... I would not appreciate trying to force a friendship or whatever.
Just because you are on a work team does not mean all have to be friends, it is work not a club. As long as you can communicate on work issues as needed is all most places require.
Transferring to another team says more about your ability to work with others then on him, IMO
Thank you for your input. That is why I don’t open up to people easily. Many times is a hush hush.
Thank you, I appreciate for your time and input.
@toughTiger6481 In my experience, that last comment depends. I transferred teams because of someone so arrogant and haughty, so quick to point out my mistakes the moment I made them, that he made working uncomfortable.
When I moved teams, turns out everyone knew him to be awful to work with. Others actively avoided him too.
On the flip side, someone moved to a different shift, citing night shift as bullying her. When everyone knew it was actually her who was the bully. And guess what? She moved onto my team! Hence another reason I asked to transfer to a different group.
People talk, that you can never escape from. But if jumping ship means better Mental Health for you, then it doesn't matter what people say at all. It's just talk. Your work ethic proof is in your output and your presence. If you maintain a good one in a new team, then it doesn't fall on you at all or your ability to work with others.
@BeeZeeOtter
I think the real issue is not the weird behaviour of this person, that you described, but how strong your reaction to that was.
The reasons behind his not answering your greetings may vary from him lacking some basic manners or social skills, being narcissistic or clinically introverted, having some wrong ideas about how your organisation works... to his transfer being some kind of a warning or a punishment to him, someone in the office spreading fake rumours or just the chemistry between the two of you not working well - the latter, I believe, being nobody's fault...
Also, some people tend to show no positive reactions when someone is trying to be kind to them and just break the ice. Instead they may mistakenly smell any bad intentions and back off. Or they don't appreciate communicating at all.
But what makes your react so strong to being rejected? He is just a stranger, who does not matter to you... And that was as vivid as to make you cry.
Was there anybody important in your life, who rejected you much earlier, who was closer to you and whose rejection was much more painful?
Last but not least, what makes you think you should be liked by everyone? Sometimes it depends on very random factors you have zero influence on. And the people who dislike you may also be some source of building your identity.
Thank you for the input. I am working on healing the scar from my past with a therapist… The question of “What makes you think you should be liked by everyone?” One of my thoughts is I’m still a people pleaser. Another thought is I have forgotten I have no control over how others feel or think toward me.
life is hard. Thank you for your input; I do appreciate it.
@BeeZeeOtter You know, that meeting room would have been the perfect chance to ask him directly why he moved.
Behaviour like this doesn't really go away unless it's verbally challenged. You could turn the tide and joke next time about his discomfort towards you. (Oh? Do I smell or do you not like being this close to someone who works so hard?)
Because either way, it highlights his behaviour in front of other colleagues. And that definitely helps either management corner him, your own co-workers corner him, or he himself becoming too uncomfortable with the attention to continue.
Confrontation is usually what we're told to avoid, but honestly, it's the best way. Like a child who's misbehaving. They'll keep doing it unless challenged. Make sure you have others around you when you do so, because it opens up more discussion and maintains safety in a group.
I hope you can bear with him and that it doesn't escalate further. If things get really bad, 'cut off the snake's head'. Basically, go to the top brass, your manager, HR, and get co-workers as witnesses or even their written accounts as proof. Highlight how it's interfering with your job, and see if that helps clear it up.
As someone who's suffered sexual discrimination, being quiet about it does absolutely nothing.
@MelancholicMage
Thank you for your input. I would consider your suggestion. I appreciate it.
