I didn't make it to work today.
Yesterday I said that I wished I made it to work both days this weekend. But I called off today. I just don't want to go to work today. I expected to have to work with someone who is hostile to me. I am tired. Lately, all I have been doing is putting out fires. Today I want to rest. I don't like my job. I work at a huge charity in the warehouse area behind the retail store. It has become a situation where I dread going in to work and I only work there three days per week. But lately, because of dire situations in my life I have been only working two days or one day per week. I have been calling off a lot. Today I just want to sleep. I feel slightly bad, but I also don't. When I called in I told them I am taking a mental health day. That is true. I just don't want to go to work. I have PTSD and clinical depression. I want to take off today for a good reason, and not because I have another fire to put out. I want to take the day off and smile and be happy. I don't know if I'll be happy. I imagine being happy feels like dancing for no reason. That is what I want to feel like so I am taking the day off to hopefully achieve it. mental health reasons
@purpleTree4652
Hii
PTSD and clinical depression are in no way easy to deal with. Proud of you for taking a day off! It's important to take care of yourself, because you must take good care of you if you want to help others and that also counts for work. You deserve a day off. Imagine it like this, by taking this day off you're also investing in your work.
What you're going through doesn't sound easy. It's okay to not feel okay. Please know that things can get better. You're not alone, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, even when it sometimes doesn't feel like it.
Hope you have a nice day and please don't hesitate to reach out if you want to talk to someone, we're here for you. Please don't ever forget that you're wonderful
@doritoast
Thank you so much, toast. (hugs)
@purpleTree4652
No problem^^ (hugs)
You did good in taking a day off. You needed it. If they question you when you go back, you can say that your coworker was one of the reasons that you needed a mental health break.
I hope that the day brought you peace. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Hi, Vase,
I'm glad you found me here. They won't question me. The management in this location is not good. But thank you for the suggestion. I'm going to use it. It's the truth. That is, if the need arises.
Was today a little better for you?@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Well, today I was off. I slept a lot as I felt I needed it. Tonight my bathroom and kitchen flooded a little bit. I called maintenance about an hour ago. They're supposed to get back to me.
In the meantime, the flooding stopped and the water receded in the bathroom. I cleaned up in both rooms. and I caulked around the base of the toilet. That is where I saw the water coming from. I'm not going to wait for maintenance. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep. I'm supposed to work as a maid tomorrow. But I already texted them and told them what is happening. I said that we might have to make it wednesday, depending on what is going on here. I told them I'll let them know in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the caulking to dry more before trying to flush the toilet. Wish me luck.
How are you? Did you do anything today?
So sorry that it has taken me so long to get back. Two nights ago I took a night off and then last night we suddenly had no electricity or internet. So now I am playing catch up. But all is good. I hope that your plumbing problems are better. It sounds like you are quite handy with tools! @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
It's ok, Vase. I'm glad you took a night off. What happened with the electricity? Was it a storm?
I am pretty handy with tools. But not good enough for what happened in my bathroom. The caulking didn't hold. They ended up digging in the yard. Then ended up calling in a plumber at night. He first cleared a blockage in the drain, then had to replace the seal under the toilet, and then reseat the toilet. He was a young guy and wasn't happy. He left about midnight. The handymen and plumber left me a little mess to clean up, but it wasn't a biggie. It's fixed.
This is my life.
Sometimes plumbing headaches are big ones. I am glad that yours is finally resolved.
Yes, it was a storm or something like that. It looked like it was going to pour. Then we had a single flash that blew out the power but no rain.
We were out for about four hours. But it was nice because we sat around and played games together. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
I love that you all sat around and played games together. :)
And nothing caught on fire with the candles.@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
lol
I hope that your day was good.
@bestVase7265
Thanks, but unfortunately it wasn't. I had to work with one of the two hostile women at the charity. It was stressful. My quota was excellent though. I exceeded what I was asked to do. I just can't wait to get out of there. But for now I am going to take a nap, then write my friend in England. I have to go to work there again tomorrow.
I hope you had a good day.
Consider it a victory that you made it there at all and you accomplished something. You have the strength within you to do it again. Take it a day at a time. I hope that you had a great conversation with your friend in England. @purpleTree4652
How are you doing today?
@doritoast
Hi, Toast,
I'm very anxious and I'm not even working today. I am off. I am having a hard time getting over how the hostile woman treated me at work yesterday. And there was no one to tell. Both managers on duty think she is just so sweet. One of them is her friend. It sucks.
In what ways can you try to ignore her? @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
That's a great question. She literally provides me my work material on the days we are scheduled to work together. Sunday, she was literally sabotaging her work and mine to try to be funny...except she did it between 75 and 100 times on Sunday, and saying 75 to 100 isn't an exaggeration.
@bestVase7265
trying to be funny...i don't actually think she was trying to be funny. i think she was trying to upset me. Or maybe it just shows the level of rage she has toward me, because it takes a lot of effort to purposely sabotage your own work and mine. That is a whole lot of anger to have toward someone and not know how to express it or control yourself properly.
Ok, let us see if we can come up with a solution for that scenario then. What about physically moving to a different part of the room? Are you allowed to wear headphones while you work? What would happen if you said to her that you didn't find it funny and that you were going to report her for keeping you from working?
I will keep throwing ideas out there until we find something that works. You can do this and survive this job until you can leave. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
What about physically moving to a different part of the room? It doesn't matter since she actually supplies me with my material to do my job.
Are you allowed to wear headphones while you work? No
What would happen if you said to her that you didn't find it funny and that you were going to report her for keeping you from working? I am going to report her for this. Nothing will happen. People at this location have problem behaviour and management does little to nothing. People break rules that are fireable offences and top management just tells them not to do it. I won't speak to her because it would turn into a fight and I don't want to be in a fight.
I will keep throwing ideas out there until we find something that works. You can do this and survive this job until you can leave. @purpleTree4652
Thanks for trying to help me through this. I really appreciate it that you care.
Well I definitely do care. We need to come up with a way to allow your brain to barely even recognize that she is there.
It sounds like a lot of the basic stuff won't work for good reasons.
Is there a spot that you can look at in the room or on the table when she gets really annoying? Maybe you can create some kind of mantra to say to yourself as you work like "She is irrelevant in my life". Experiment with different ideas for a bit.
When do you go back next?@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
I like the mantra idea. But I do need to be aware of what I am doing at work. I have tried loving kindness meditation sort of. I can't go into full meditation mode, but I kept repeating the phrases to myself. It was difficult. I also tried praying, but that was just as difficult. Maybe the mantra is the way to go.
I can't really focus on a spot on the table, because I need to focus on the clothes and the tagging gun and the hangers and the rack. It really does take a good amount of attention to do my job well.
I do sing to the songs on the radio and hum also. That helps me a lot but it isn't enough.
I go in tomorrow.
You can do this. It won't be perfect, but focus on the okay moments. "You do the job and you do it well." That is another good mantra.
When you get home, write down at least one okay moment at work. It will help you refocus your brain away from the bad stuff. The more you do it, the easier it will become. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Ugh, Vase, my bathroom just flooded a little again. I had to put in another emergency maintenance call.
I already texted my big boss and told her what is happening. As usual she is understanding.
Sorry about the bathroom. That is never fun. Mine is possibly about to go too. We can have joint bathroom floods. Though I think that you are more talented at fixing them than me....
@bestVase7265
I hope your bathroom holds together. The fix I put on mine didn't work. I ended up trying to wait for the plumber today but I had to go to work. My big boss told me to just come in after they fix it, but I was worried about how many hours they would expect me to work. I just don't want to be there anymore. I went in at noon and worked 3 hours to leave at my regular time. I think my quota was the highest per hour I have ever had. So that is good. But I can just feel the bad vibes against me. I have been out a lot lately with my car and then the flooding. One of the hostile women was at work complaining about me to one of the managers in the break room. This particular manager is friends with the other hostile employee. I have had so much negativity against me, and I already feel bad for being out so much lately, even though I did what I had to do and what I thought I should do. McDonald's for a job keeps coming up in my thoughts.
And the woman whose house I clean is wanting me to do a lot more for just a tiny bit more money. I don't want to do it but I'm afraid that if I tell her no, she might look for another maid.
I need my headspace to work on my grad school essays. I want to have them done by the beginning of August or mid august.
It's late and I need to try to go to sleep.
Hope you have a good night.
McDonalds might indeed work a bit better. You could try it and see. I would also be willing to say to the person that you clean houses for that more cleaning means more pay. If she fires you, you will feel better than her exploiting you. There are tons of jobs out there right now. You can set your own working conditions to make you happier.
It will make it feel less that the world is out to get you when you do.
@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thanks, Vase, but I'm not independently wealthy. The maid job pays a lot of money. It would be hard to replace. I did send her an email tonight explaining that we need to update our written agreement on what my services include. I also told her I want to come up with a detailed itemized list of charges. I just don't have the head space to do it right now. I need to wait until my essays are complete. My plan...as long as nothing falls apart or floods...is to spend most of my spare time working on them over several days when I am off this week.
You're right that I could try McDonalds. The problem is that I am hard of hearing in one ear and sometimes have a vocal tremor. So, in a job where I have to communicate with the public, those are considerable obstacles.
I also need to keep jobs that work with how much of them I can handle while going through grad school.
I'm sorry to say but, but, but, and come up with obstacles, but they are realistic. I support myself and have no one to help me, so my decisions carry a lot of weight.
You are making good decisions. I love you how planned on working with the maid job and the contract. That is perfect.
You are also doing great in writing the essays. You are going to make it to graduate school and do a great job.
If you do try the McDonald's thing, you can do an interview and then explain your situation. If you don't like their answer then you don't have to take the job.
Maybe you could also find some more work as a maid or another kind of less public job that would work. You also might be able to find a job at the library or something once you start at graduate school. I worked as a cataloguer at the library behind the scenes when I was in graduate school. My only point was that you deserve a job where you are respected and fits your schedule.
@purpleTree4652