Check-in, Depression Support, August 29 to September 4, 2022
A very warm hello to you all!
I hope and wish you all are doing very well.
- How have you been feeling these days?
- What main obstacles did you face recently in your life?
- How did you deal with those obstacles?
All questions are optional. You can add any comments you wish, as they come to your mind.
I look forward to your answers!
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I wish you all the best!
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@HealingTalk
1. How have you been feeling these days?
I've been up and down. Work has been hard and very tiring. I've found myself trying to avoid going to work. And weekends are the worst for me. I've attempted to make excuses for not going into work. It depresses me to know I have to face the rigors of my job.
2. What main obstacles did you face recently in your life?
I've had work issues of course. But family can be a stressor as well. I know I don't spend as much time as I should and I feel guilty at times because of this. It's not an easy thing to deal with. My relationship can be a problem as well. I know I don't spend enough time on keeping it viable.
3. How do you deal with those obstacles?
I"m dealing with these issues. It's not been an easy road to travel. And I'm doing my best to confront them head on. I've been working on my guided meditations, controlled breathing, and focusing on being aware of my surroundings. Taking this all in, I've tried to understand why I am feeling the way I do. Sometimes I can figure out an answer; sometimes it takes a little longer and more work to reach a conclusion.
@xandia
Hello Xandia!
Thank you for coming here to check in!
I read your profile, and I was moved by your dedication to helping people that are in very tough situations.
I have a cousin that worked in a Trauma Room for many years. She seemed to take a healthy professional approach to her work, even taking some emotional distance from the tragedies that she witnessed and was involved in all her working hours, every day.
But she finally had to quit the Trauma Room because the stress was affecting her too much. She loved this job and had chosen it intentionally among so many "easier" medical fields. She was a volunteer in a "Search and Rescue" team before that, so she was used and trained to deal with extreme life-or-death situations.
But the Trauma Room was so overwhelmingly stressful, that she had finally to quit, with a lot of sorrow and regret, as you can imagine.
I have another cousin that is the chief nurse at an ICU, and during the peak of Covid here, worked full time at the Covid ICU, which burned her out to the point she fell ill and had to stop working for weeks. She is back to a "normal" ICU. Her work is very stressful, but she seems to cope with all that stress, save for occasional burnouts.
I wrote all this long introduction with my direct knowledge to tell you that, based on what I know from these two cousins, I guess that your work has become overwhelmingly stressful, both emotionally and physically.
This huge stress seems to be affecting your whole life, particularly your wellbeing, and the relationships with the closer most loved people in your life.
I know that people that choose to work in your field do it out of a sense of mission to help the people that need it the most. It's a life of immense love, compassion, and sacrifice.
I know that accomplishing your mission brings great fulfillment and a sense of meaning to your life.
But things seem to start getting problematic. You seem to be living under too much pressure and stress. You are on a humanitarian mission to help people. But you are a deserving person too. You also deserve care and love. Self-care and self-love in particular.
Maybe you might consider moving to a less stressful field in the health sciences, at least for a while.
Or continue with your current job part of the time, and a less stressful one the other part.
You deserve a good life out of your job. You deserve to feel well. You deserve to have fulfilling relationships with the people you love.
I wish you that you find a way to achieve all of these.
And I hope you don't find my answer too intrusive. It's just my point of view, not revealed truth.
All the best, Xandia!
Thank you again for coming here!
I look forward to seeing you soon!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Thank you for your response. It is very helpful and I appreciate it. You bring up many valid points that I, as the one in the thick of it, cannot see. I shall endeavor to take steps to implement some of the suggestions to ease the stress I've been experiencing lately.
Thank you for the post. It was a real eye opener for me. 😳
xandia❤️
@xandia
Thank you, Xandia, for your kind words!
I am glad that you found it useful to get feedback from a different perspective.
I wish you can manage things to feel better, as you very much deserve.
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Hi, Talk,
- How have you been feeling these days? I've been feeling very low and numb and sometimes like I can make it.
- What main obstacles did you face recently in your life? One of my employers is moving across country. They have invited me to go with them, but I would be living in their house, and they are bullies. So I have a choice to make and it's not an easy one.
- How did you deal with those obstacles? I've been talking to people here at 7cups and talked to my therapist and need to make a list of skills to use in case things get bad living with them. And I need to make a pros and cons list of staying versus going.
@purpleTree4652
Hi!
Thank you for checking in!
I'm sorry you have been feeling so low and numb.
Sometimes, "numbness" is a way our mind "protects" us from distressful thoughts and painful emotions.
Like anesthesia, that decreases or even stops the pain, but numbs the body and sows confusion in the mind.
You are right that you are confronted with a very hard choice.
I guess that going with them is the best economic alternative you have now in terms of money earned.
On the other hand, working under a toxic boss, and even more, living in their house might be a great challenge. A constant annoyance at best, a nightmare at worst.
You are wise in talking about is with trusted people, like your therapist, to brainstorm alternatives, write down their pros and cons, and analyze them carefully.
Writing it all down, and then reading is a great way, first to relieve at least a bit your mind from those worrisome thoughts, and second, to gain perspective when reading what you have written.
By reading the same ideas that have bounced in your head like crazy, they re-enter your mind through a different channel, that lets you take some distance and have a more rational approach.
By the way, there are many books on dealing with bad bosses, I will share with you some I have.
Thank you again for checking in!
I wish you that things get clear soon and you find the best alternative among those available.
All the best!
Marcelo
This isn't a decision that you need to make right away. Give yourself a little time to think it through. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265,
No, but it doesn't get any easier or better. The woman of the couple who are my employers just told me she wants to be rid of me, but also loves me and wants to help me so I am welcome to go with them if I like.
It just isn't helpful.
That is much worse than non helpful. She is purposely making you feel bad about yourself so she can dominate you. You don't deserve that. I would take almost any other job over someone who wants to abuse you like that, even just cleaning other people's houses (which I know that you don't like much). Most people who have house cleaners are much kinder to begin with. This is a market where all employees are needed (no matter what their backgrounds or challenges). You will find something good. @purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Thank you for saying that Vase. she said a lot worse than that today.
But that is the conclusion I came to today. I can't go with them. For some strange reason that decision terrified me at the same time. I was actually shaking a little while. It kills me to be stuck in this city and state though. I never wanted to be here in the first place.
This is why I am here. I moved in with my employers last year in california. At the time they said they were moving to Oregon, and that was perfect for me. I was on a waiting list for low income housing there. I told them that after we moved to oregon, whenever I got called that something was available from the low income housing list, i would just move into it. So I gave notice where I lived and moved into their house to help them prep it to sell in Los Angeles. After I moved in, she decided she wanted to move to x city in x state, which is here without me telling exactly where. My choices then were to either live out of my car in los angeles or move with them to x city in x state. so i moved with them to x city x state. I looked hard for a job in LA, but no one would hire me. I applied to be a janitor, applied at McDonald's, applied to be a secretary. I couldn't find a thing. So I went with them.
the whole situation is so f'd up. i believed them and i shouldn't have. i trusted in them to be stable and make stable decisions and i shouldn't have.
i should add that i am related to these people, but i don't want to be. the rest of my relatives are worse, if you can believe that's possible.
I can easily see why you feel terrified, but it is the right decision. They are the ones causing the terror because they have been abusing you. That is what abusers do. Once you have escaped then that terror feeling lessons, I promise.
The key now is to find you a job that will make you feel some sense of self worth. You can shoot a bit higher than you are (or a least cast your net wider). Think about home cleaning companies, or maybe something that calls on a skill set that you want to develop further. What kind of degree are you hoping to get in going back to school? I remember that you were nervous about the hearing thing, but I bet we can find something to work around that. Let us start brainstorming together.@purpleTree4652
@bestVase7265
Hi Vase, Thank you for your support.
I applied to a cleaning company, but they didn't call me back. Maybe I should apply to more of them. Did I tell you Wendy's hired me? I was supposed to have orientation tomorrow, but the boss can't do it and put it off 'til next Thursday. I had an interview yesterday for a dietary aide in an old folks home. The guy seemed interested and said he is out of the office 'til next tuesday.
I applied to the master of library and information science program. In other words, I will probably get a job as a librarian. I would love to find a job that has something to do with that, like working in a library, or archives, or museum, or government office or corporation or law office. Many of them have libraries.
I've applied to some library assistant jobs that came available, but I haven't been called. I need to apply to more, huh? Ok. I guess I need to find all the places aside from libraries that have a library in them.
Thank you so much for brainstorming with me, Vase! You make me feel better. (hugs)
It is great that Wendy's hired you and you are starting to think about some great opportunities outside of what you have in the past. Keep trying and something good will come up. Apply for every library job that you can find in addition to the others. You also would be great on the computer with writing, editing or research kinds of jobs. @purpleTree4652
@HealingTalk
1. How have you been feeling these days?
I've felt a bit less insecure because I've decided to become an online intern and room supporter, right here, in the 7Cups community. A group chat moderator said that I should really consider becoming a group chat mod' myself someday last week, so yeah, that's cool! I just might do so, who knows? 😝
2. What main obstacles did you face recently in your life?
Probable depression. I say 'probable' because I haven't gotten a formal diagnosis for it, but a Kids' Helpline counsellor over the phone told me I likely have it though. She knows more than me, so I believe her, lol. It's been a struggle to do the most basic things and I'm not proud of it.
3.How did you deal with those obstacles?
I'm indoors a lot these days, but for sure, I have a lot of options still. I've gone on my usual go-to forms of social media a bit more, as each day has went by and I've also come back here and have come to genuinely enjoy being here more than ever.
🌸
It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. @HavenonEarth
@HealingTalk
Hello, I hope you are doing well. I just wanted to check in.
1. How have you been feeling these days?
I've been dealing with a great deal of shame and guilt for past mistakes. I occasionally have days where I feel on top of the world. But most days, not so much. On top of that, I've been feeling increasingly anxious about most things, which has led to me staying in the house A LOT more.
2. What main obstacles did you face recently in your life?
When I'm depressed, I tend to isolate myself from others. I stay in my room all day, with the exception of showering. After showering, I get right back into bed. I'm sure it's taken a toll on my relationships. One of my friends assumed I didn't want to be her friend anymore, because I haven't gone out anywhere with her recently. She likes to go out a lot. She knows I struggle with depression, but I guess she didn't think it was to this extent. I make up excuses not to go out, like saying I already have plans. I don't tell her it's because I'm paranoid, because I feel like she'll drop me as a friend if I say anything like that.
I've started seeing my therapist again after a 5-6 month hiatus. She reached out to me, asking if I wanted to make an appointment. I lie when I feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. Being in therapy is when I feel the most uncomfortable and overwhelmed. My therapist asks me a lot of questions that I feel I have to answer. I feel like I don't really have any other choice than to talk. When I start talking, all the lies come out. About my life, my career, everything.
3. How did you deal with those obstacles?
I haven't. I'm a work in progress. One thing I can say is that I'm more open to accepting help than I was before. I'm just going to come clean to my therapist about all my lies when I see her again. Not really sure what to do about my relationship with my friend. I'm afraid, because she's one of the very few friends I have.
You are always a work in progress and when you recognize that then you know you are going in a good direction.
Therapy is hard for all of us. But it is the work that allows you to heal and get to a better place. You can do this.
I would tell your friend exactly what you said here. It is always good to educate others about depression. Then your friend can recognize that you want to reach out but it is really hard. She will also probably be able to help you come up with ways that you can visit together without that visit overwhelming you. @goddesslovexoxo
@HealingTalk
- How have you been feeling these days? I am feeling pretty depressed today and kind of let myself had a mental health day because I feel really down.
- What main obstacles did you face recently in your life? I am really struggling with finding a new counselor, as many people aren't taking new patients right now. I called 20 people so far with no luck. I guess I just have to keep trying, but I am feeling discouraged and depressed.
- How did you deal with those obstacles? I mean I am still very depressed but trying to keep making a few calls each day and work on my schoolwork a little each day. The hard part is I don't really have anyone who knows how depressed I feel right now and I feel super alone and afraid of not getting out of this situation to get the help I need.
You are going to find that help if you just keep seeking it out. We are here to support you until you do. It sounds like you are working hard to find a counselor. Get on wait lists where you can and consider something online if necessary. It works better than having nothing. @Daydreamer47
@bestVase7265 Thank you.
How were things today? @Daydreamer47
@bestVase7265 Thanks for checking in! I appreciate it. I met with a school counselor. The service is temporary, only 8 sessions. I'm not sure if I like her, but I guess it doesn't hurt for a short time.
It definitely doesn't hurt for a few sessions. She will also possibly have a list of other resources that you could use in the future.
Remember that sessions like that are always hard and painful. But real progress can be made slowly but surely. @Daydreamer47
Hello! August was a crap month (still is) with my mental health. I’m going to Utah , for a treatment program that’s 3 months long. Things local to me is not enough. I’m in Oregon
Sending strength and peace on your journey. @leannescarlett
@HealingTalk
- How have you been feeling these days? I feel like a worthless failure. I am over 100k in debt from student loans and am working, and have gotten so close to getting jobs in order to pay the rent plus helping with groceries and bills, but cant quite get there.
- What main obstacles did you face recently in your life? My husband won’t help support me financially although he has the means to do so comfortably. He would rather i borrow money but I am already so much in debt. I thought we were on the same page when we got married. I would and have helped him financially without a second thought in the past.
- How did you deal with those obstacles? I dont know. I feel like every day is a fight to survive.
@Spacecourse
Hello!
Thank you for checking in!
I am sorry that you feel so worried about your debt, and the lack of a job.
Due to Covid, many jobs were lost, so in the last years it was very difficult to find a new job.
But things are slowly getting better. You might find a job in your field sooner or later.
Regarding your debt, if you live in the US, I have read that there is a plan to be implemented to reduce student debt by debt forgiveness.
As you don't have income, it depends on your husband's income if you are eligible for debt forgiveness.
Here are the details: https://studentaid.gov/debt-relief-announcement/
It's too bad that your husband doesn't help you financially. A marriage is supposed to be a commitment of mutual support "in good times and in bad times".
You might feel sad and angry about his lack of financial support, with very good reason.
You have been fighting every day to carry on.
You have won those tough battles, even if they left pain and some scars.
You deserve to be respected and cared for, not having to struggle for the basic needs in your life. More so if your husband can afford them and doesn't provide them to you.
I wish you that things get better soon.
Sending you strength, and all my appreciation.
All the best!
Marcelo
well i recently went back to school. i took a microbiology course and took the lab and failed both. so now i have to retake both of them and get a C or higher to get into an accelerated nursing program. I just started my prereqs so its been challenging because i graduated 5 years ago and haven't been in a school environment in a while. I'm not bothered by it but i do need to take the class by itself and take the lab by itself. I think i can do it if i don't overwhelm myself.
I'm starting a new program in about 2 weeks so hopefully before or shortly after new years i can finally start an overnight job at a hospital. I still want to quit my job but i need this certificate to be able to do this specific job that i want.
my depression still overwhelms me to the point to where i do find myself crying in the early hours of the morning and still trying not to relapse but its really hard.
i'm trying my best to i still feel really stupid for failing my class. now i have to retake the whole thing all over again.
anyways, that's kind of it for now. hope you guys are doing well & i'll talk more tomorrow
There are tons of people that struggle with that course. I advise students at a college and they regularly fail.
The fact that you are trying again is all that matters. You are smart simply because you keep trying. You are guaranteed to do better the second time. Take a deep breath and know that you can do this.@BrokenAngelxx
@bestVase7265
thank you. will be redoing microbiology class in the spring. hopefully the second time around will be better.
It most definitely will be. @BrokenAngelxx