Check-in, Depression Support, September 26 to October 2, 2022

@purpleTree4652

Hello!

How good to see you again!

Thank you for coming here!

It's very sad you were neglected by your parents to such an extent. At crucial moments in life, the right intervention can make all the difference. It can save you from much unnecessary pain.

Drugs and alcohol are all about pain, the way many people have at hand to escape from pain, instead of the professional therapy and treatment that should have been provided to them.

You followed a destructive path, but you were not destroyed.

You are now standing firm, bearing the storms of life.

Which have been many and strong.

You have the awareness to understand yourself and your story, and why you feel the way you feel.

And you now know what does you better and what is unhealthy and makes you feel worse in the end.

I think you should be very proud of getting out of that hell and taking control of your life for the better.

Few people can do that, unfortunately.

So it's rather exceptional what you have achieved.

When you feel lonely, I encourage you to explore all the spaces in 7 Cups.

From the Sharing Circles to the Hobby Zone crafts, all Forums, 1 to 1, and group chats, they are all very helpful and you won't feel alone. I was skeptical of many of these until I knew them firsthand.

When you feel lonely, come here. Join a Sharing Circle. Look for a Listener. Browse the Forums.

By the way, how is your new job doing? And your plans to study?

I wish you all the best!

Marcelo.

@ambitioushope1234

We can make many mistakes at that age, without any awareness of the consequences, that might be very significant for our future life.

Also, some decisions that were "right" at the moment we took them (based on the feelings and the information we had), might seem "wrong" looking backward, as our goals and perspective in life have changed.

So some "right decision" at that time, might feel disastrous years later.

We strongly disagree (to say the least) with the person we were back then.

I hope you can build a good life for yourself now.

And who knows, maybe you might study, if not in person, online.

There are many low-cost, online programs by good universities, that you can find on Coursera https://www.coursera.org and edX https://www.edx.org They give certifications up to Master's degrees.

In any case, I wish you can enjoy the good things you have in your life right now, and make fulfilling plans for the future.

All the best!

Marcelo.

@scarletPear1945

Hi!

Thank you for coming to this check-in!

It's nice to see you again here!

I am glad that you have been feeling well lately.

That's something to celebrate. So, Cheers! 🍸🍸

You know what? We, the Homo Sapiens species, have a bias towards trusting other people more than is rational or justified.

Some are lucky to end up trusting good people, and others have bad luck.

Luck plays a great role here as in most factors that determine our life (like the family we were born into, etc.).

There is a very interesting book, "Talking to Strangers" by Malcolm Gladwell about this bias toward "trusting too much". He says that it's because we are a social species that survived for millennia by bonding in couples, groups and communities. So "bonding" was crucial, even more important than "bonding with the right person".

It's a very pleasant, interesting and revealing read. You might find yourself reflected in the stories of many normal people that made disastrous choices while evaluating others' trustworthiness.

They were not to blame at all, it's just human nature.

There are also cases in which bad people attract us like magnets, due to some kind of early childhood trauma or unhealthy environment. We are not to blame either.

I am also a perfectionist, and it paralyzes me or makes me see "the cup half empty" instead of "half full". A sad distortion of Reality.

Two things helped me with that:

One is practicing mediocrity intentionally, deliberately.

There is a practice in art , called "starting with a mistake" Instead of fearing a mistake, you start drawing wrong, randomly, ugly. And go on from there.

It makes you less judgmental, more productive, and happier with your work.

The other is gaining perspective by learning about history, other cultures and situations going on in the world. Even participating actively in 7 Cups helps you gain perspective. That the history of the world was not a fairy tale, the world is not Disneyland precisely, and we are all human, we make mistakes. Sometimes huge mistakes.

Today I was reading about Pericles, the leader of Athens in the Golden Age (500bc), who made it flourish by promoting superb art, drama, philosophy, architecture (like the Parthenon), etc. which made that small place and short period so uniquely remarkable and influential in human history.

But the same person, Pericles, promoted the start of a catastrophic war with Sparta, that finally ended the democracy, independence and glory of Athens, which never recovered again.

He did the most amazing things, he seemed infallible, but he was human after all...

We could talk of Napoleon invading Russia...

And so many others...

So from this kind of perspective, if even the most brilliant, intelligent, successful people that have ever lived could have made such catastrophic mistakes, we should be forgiving of our own mistakes and imperfections.

We are not stupid, we are not useless, we are not a disaster.

We are just human.

Sorry for the long digression...

I hope I made the point sharing the things that helped me to deal with perfectionism.

I wish you all the best!

Ans keep coming, please!

All the best!

Marcelo

@Server8462

Hi, Server!

I'm glad to see you gain here.

You seem a lot better than some months ago. That's something to celebrate!

Regarding, sleep, you might consult a doctor. Benadryl is an antihistamine. While it makes you sleepy, might not be as good as a specific sleep inducer. And Melatonin, might not be enough or in enough dosage.

I use earplugs and an airplane face mask to help me sleep. And drink some milk or eat cheese before bed.

Regarding study vs. work, the truth is the day has limited hours, and we have limited energy, so we can't do it all.

We can do our best.

But this "best" might not be "enough" for our goals and purposes.

You might consider whether it's absolutely necessary to work full time during these few years in College.

And if you absolutely need to do it, it's very commendable that you pursue university studies at the same time.

Play the cards you have been given the best way possible.

Don't push or blame yourself for not being able to achieve what can't be done with those cards.

Measure yourself by how good are you playing those, how good you are taking full advantage of your real situation

Don't compare them with those you might achieve in an ideal one.

I suggest that you have a conversation with your mother. Tell her the problem and try to create different options. Some of these might involve asking for help in other ways or from other people or schemes you can't think of now.

Again, I am very glad to see how much better you are now.

You are very resilient.

Congratulations on that!

All the best!

Marcelo.

@UncreativeMe

You are welcome! ❤️

@Passionflower80

Hi!

Thank you for coming here!

Meds can certainly help to take you out from a deep pit. You might ask your doctor for that.

If "happy" feels an unachievable goal right now, you might aim to feel better, calmer and more motivated.

It's difficult to improve emotions directly. But emotions are very much affected by the things you do and think.

So exercising and stretching, for example can improve your emotional wellbeing. Just a long walk might do.

The same with thoughts. Identify the negative thoughts you might be having, and "challenge" them with a reasonable alternative.

This is a therapeutic technique called "Cognitive Restructuring". You can read more about it here:

https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-restructuring

You might also use "Affirmations" to replace negative, damaging thoughts with positive, nourishing ones.

Here there is a long list of affirmations. You can choose a few that you find a good fit, and repeat them to yourself after waking up and before going to sleep, or any time during the day:

https://therightaffirmations.com/affirmations-for-depression/

I hope these resources are of help to you, as a place to start.

You will find many other ways of support in 7 Cups.

I hope you feel better soon!

All the best!

Marcelo.

@Mellietronx

Hi Mellie!

Thank you for coming here!

Your presence is much appreciated.

What makes you feel so tired these days? Some extra work?

I'm sorry you have regrets from the past. We all do, I think, to some degree. I hope they don't interfere much with your present life.

You will surely will feel proud in the future, of all the things you do now to improve your emotional wellbeing.

I wish you all the best!

Marcelo.

@brightSquare8412

Hi!

Thank you for checking in!

I'm sorry you feel so down.

You are valuable no matter what other people think.

You can get much support from the many places in 7 Cups: the Sharing Circles, Group Chats, chatting with a Listener, and in these Forums.

You could try these and see if they actually help.

I hope they do.

All the best!

Marcelo.