Depression - Lose battles, Win the war.
Here we are again you scoundrel! Again and again we are at constant odds. You are my mortal enemy, yes you! DEPRESSION!
Now if I could only sword fight a a sad version of myself. The movie would be a reality.
I've been battling depression my entire life, from the early loss of siblings, to the recent loss of my 10 year old pup. Now let's not confuse grief and depression. They are different, but one is constantly set in motion by the other, At least in my life.
Right now I am struggling to stay in a emotionally stable place. Remembering part of a dream last night has sent me spirailing mid-work, in the work place. If I was in another room with people in it this would have gone much worse. Someone would have asked what's wrong, I would have had to attempt to explain which would have sent me spirialing further from emotionally stable.
I choose to grieve properly after my dog died recently, and that turned into a massive depression, which is still stopping me mid day. Not sure what I need to do, bit I definitely need to get it out. I've lived alone for about 10 years since I was 22 with my dog. I took her everywhere I went if I could. She is an emotional support animal which I have due to a read skull injury a few years back. Now 32, after being extremely alone during the pandemic and losing her. I am lost I guess I am still grieving. But tension headaches, and migraines added to the mix aren't helping.
Curious what other people do to avoid breaking down in these situations.
@functioningemotionalwreck
Hey there
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. And also that you have lost your dog. I'm glad to hear that you're giving yourself time to grief. That's definitely important.
Whenever you need a listening ear or emotional support, feel free to join a group support chat or connect with a listener. We're here for you! <3
Take care
audienta
Your opening phrases really caught my attention! You're totally on it, grief and depression aren't the same, but one can lead to the other easily. Our family lost someone who was a family friend's daughter a few years ago. She had lost the battle of a rare type of leukemia, she was only in her late 30s and was about to get married. A couple of years before she left us, we lost our 9.5 year old Golden Retriever, due to a tumour growing in her. The vet told us, to remove the tumour at her age, would not be worth it. At first, I was totally saddened, how can a Vet say something so heartless. She was our little girl, she was my best friend (my emotional support too, because my human family gave me none). But to see her suffering, not being able to eat, or release herself, it hurt even more. When we finally let her go, she looked at me, as if saying, it's okay, and thank for for relieving my pain.
It's been almost 10 years since she's left me. We still talk about her, whenever we see other dogs. My brother and his ex-wife raised a dog together too, a Sheepadoodle. We get to take care of the dog, 2-3 times a year, 2 weeks each time. Every time we see his dog, we talk about ours.
The grief, I feel it's still present in my life. Especially when I feel emotionally unstable. I remember how I used to go to her, laying beside her, resting my head on her, giving her hugs; it comforted me with her presence. Now, without her, still have no support from my family members, my depression worsens during those emotional episodes. I've had times where I called in sick for work, because I just couldn't get out of bed. Or, I'd go to work, but not make any eye contact with any of my colleagues, not talking to them, unless I really have to, and just keeping quiet and doing my job at hand.
I had a previous colleague so suffered family loss within a months' time. His dad went first, then his brother, 3 weeks later. He had his own medical problems too, had a concussion, resulted into a long-term disability. He became depressed as he grieved and felt helpless because of his injury. He was no longer fit to continue working, and was sulking at home with his mum. Both are seniors, with the son barely able to take care of himself, his mum ended up taking care of him instead, even when she uses a walker herself. His injury also causes tension headaches and migraines, and it's at its worst whenever he is standing. So, he's always either sitting on the couch with his legs up, or lying in bed.
If may not seem like it, but I feel you're on your way in coping with your loss of your dear pup. It's true though, the pandemic doesn't help. To losing her during this tough time, hurts 100x more. Give yourself some time off from work, take a medical leave or something. Grieving takes time to heal, my colleague lost her mother, who lived in her home country. With the pandemic, she was unable to go see her one last time, and she took more than a month off from work to deal with the grief.
If you're going to take time off, is there someone that can be there with you? As much as you probably don't want others to see you in this state, it does help to have someone there as support. Even if they are just sitting there with you, or you're ranting at them.
I always end up having a good cry when I feel I'm going to breakdown. I'd watch a sad movie, and let myself cry. That is now my only outlet to express what is being bottled up. With no one to turn to but myself, my only resort is to cry, listen to music, or sleep on it. Sometimes, I feel that breakdowns cannot be avoided. Sometimes, I actually feel better after I've broken down, because I had let my emotions out. Of course, this is just me. I'm not sure if others feel the same way.
I hope you're able to find something that works for you, to lessen your headaches and migraines. Hang in there. Things will get better with time~
@functioningemotionalwreck
Hey, I’m glad you reached out.
It is awful to lose something or someone you care about, sometimes things are out of our control and we can’t do anything about it.
Treasure the memories you have with the ones you lose, always, and know that you have your whole life ahead of you to do great things and do things you love.
Your amazing and know that feeling happy is great! Eat healthy and try being grateful of everything in your life! Hope fuels hope!
I havent lost anyone yet and im already depress enough to the point where I dont feel like getting doing anything. I cant imagine that happen to me. Thanks for sharing