Depression Support Chat (8/5/2015)
Amelia
August 10th, 2015
This was the second of a series of Wednesday night (10p EST) guided discussions in the Depression Support Room--feel free to join us next week! Tonight's discussion was attended by both members and listeners! Below is a summary of the questions as well as some of the responses (for confidentiality reasons, I chose to leave member/listener names off of the specific quotes):
(1) On a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you rate the way youre feeling right now? Can you explain why you feel this way right now?
----Answers ranged from 3-7
----Most common answer was 5
(2) Now that we've rated our emotions and described them, how would you explain the difference between a thought and a feeling?
----A thought you can manipulate. A feeling you must ride out.
----A thought can contribute to a feeling?
----A thought is something you can control. Emotions come from thoughts and thus harder to control.
----My thoughts change based on how I'm feeling.
----I dont know how to explain the difference. But I know they are separate. My thoughts can be good when I feel bad and vice versa. And sometimes they are both bad and both good.
----Thoughts try to explain our reality around us, feelings are our reactions to those thoughts.
(3) So, next question. One of the cognitive symptoms of depression is negative thinking. We might have negative thoughts about SELF, WORLD and FUTURE. a) Can you give of an example of a negative thought about yourself? Can you give of an example of a negative thought about the world? c) Can you give of an example of a negative thought about your future?
----a) I'm not good enough for anyone or anything. No one cares about anyone else. c) You don't have a future.
----I'm the worst mother ever....I don't deserve to have children. The world is going to hurt my kids. My future is going to be full of pain so why bother?
----I am alone, the world is boring, want to be moderately happy in future but feel disappointed.
----C) I'll never make anything of myself.
----1) I don't think I'm smart and clear-headed as most people 2) We treat our earth like a trash can, not to mention war and suffering of many living creatures, including us 3) What if nothing changes for the better?
----Self: That I am to blame for what happened in my past.... World: Why are so many people suffering and no one sees.... Future: That its hard to see one a lot of the time.
(4) Now, keeping the negative trio in mind, some people say that the worst feeling you experience during depression is hopelessness. Would you agree? Why?
----Because I feel like I'll always feel this way and it sucks.
----I do agree. When you lose hope, you lose the vision of better, brighter things for yourself. You become trapped in a cage.
----Agreed, it gives a hollow feeling. Just real emptiness like I can't amount to anything like why should I bother?
----Yea, because if you feel hopeless... there is no hope. No chance of getting out. It makes it hard to reach out for support. And even if you are getting support it makes it hard to see how it is helping.
----Yes I agree because you feel you have nowhere else to turn.
(5) Another feeling many depressed people experience is worthlessness or guilt. How do you experience this?
----By always thinking of stupid mistakes I've made in the past.
----As for the worthless and guilt thing, I feel more worthless than guilty. I experience it because I'm too critical of myself.
----Guilt that I waste time by being unable to function on some days.
----Guilt... I feel guilty about my past, about my illness, and that I haven't improved very much.
----I feel guilt for the bad choices I've made, I feel worthless from the outcome of those bad choices.
----I feel guilty about the choices I make, the things I've said, the things I've done...
----Guilt is my biggest feeling! It destroys me the most. Its more in relation to past trauma than to depression... but it pulls me down so far. Like everything is my own fault. Like I dont deserve help. Like I deserved to be raped. Like everything is my fault. And like it is my fault that I cant move forward.
----Summary: So far for worthless and guilt, we've got: overly critical, unable to function, self-criticism, guilt about past and lack of improvement, guilt about choices, guilt about hurting others, feels like everything is our fault, don't deserve help.
(6) Do you feel like there are times when people in your life dont take your emotions seriously? How can we remedy this?
----Not that they don't take them seriously - just that they can't understand the depth and breadth of them.
----I'm not sure how to be taken seriously. I feel like people think I'm just lazy.
----People don't take my emotions seriously, and often I find it futile to even discuss them, so I keep it all in.
----I just don't tell anyone how I feel. I'm a great liar. And if I'm doing really badly I just avoid everyone.
----Yes. We can remedy this by writing in a journal so we have a way of expressing our thoughts.
----Yeah, we can remedy this by not letting anyone else's reaction to our emotions further lower our well-being.
----So the solution is to avoid?
----No we need to keep talking and find someone who will listen even if they cant understand.
----But, I think perhaps a healthier one is what coyote was saying: not to let others' thoughts define how we feel.
----Music gets me through some tough times as well.
----I have my blog. I'm pretty honest there....I would feel awful if my family ever read it.
----I don't think avoidance is a solution, because it doesn't solve anything. Complete avoidance and isolation is generally unhealthy. That said, if there are problematic influences in our lives it can be best to remove them.
----Yeah, I keep a journal, twitter and blog where I try to vent my emotions out.
----I think they take it serious but dont know what to do.
----I think most of the time they dont take my emotions seriously. But its because they cant understand my experiences. I'm sure I could remedy this by explaining what I am thinking and feeling, but this would take me very far outside of my comfort zone.
----We have to know that our thoughts, feelings, experiences, and emotions are ours. We have to own them and know that no one else can force us to feel a certain way. It takes TONS of practice.
----By not taking their words as truth, but just opinion.
----Once you hear negative things about you over and over they kind of stick in your mind.
----It also takes a certain level of love for yourself. Its hard to not be affected by what other people say if your self-esteem is low.
----Definitely takes practice, to not have that initial response of being defensive or shutting down.
----What about replacing negative thoughts. Like if someone tells us something negative they think about us, we choose to see it differently?
----Perhaps we can analyze what they said that we perceive as negative. Is it really negative, or is it simply constructive criticism or a thought of concern?
----Well, if someone tells me I'm stupid, can I come up with proof that I'm not? (For example, graduated school or can read and understand things, etc.) So, that's one way to change what people are saying. Find proof that goes against it.
----It helps to look at the facts rather than feelings and emotions.
----That makes sense Ame. So instead of looking at their opinions, or even your thoughts, you look at the facts? And then keep telling yourself those facts until it becomes reality?
----It can be really challenging to be logical when you feel so emotional, but thats a great point.
----I don't think anyone realizes how down I get because it's habit for me to joke about everything. I can talk about the most traumatic things in my life with a smile on my face.
----It's hard for others to understand when our feelings and actions don't match.
----It's like wearing a mask.
(7) So, how do negative thoughts affect your mood?
----They affect it terribly.
----Poorly.
----My mood nosedives when something negative happens or I think bad thoughts.
----Negative thoughts affect my mood... well, negatively.
----Negative thoughts start to create a weight on your shoulders that gets heavier and heavier the longer you let the thoughts continue.
----I get anxious and agitated, real quick to anger by negative thoughts alone.
----Irritated for the most part.
----I feel like I push away bad thoughts as much as I can and shove them in the back of my mind until it's just too much and I get overwhelmed by a ton of negativity all at once.
----I get very frustrated when I have negative thoughts, and my mood bounces around, but going down.
(8) So, if we know that negative thoughts affect our mood, what kind of questions could we ask ourselves in order to challenge negative thoughts?
----Is this thought true? How much truth does it actually hold?
----"Do you think that is really what you believe? Do you think you'd say that to a stranger?"
----We can try to decipher whether or not it's a distorted thought.
----Are these thoughts real? Are these thoughts valid? Do they need to stay? Will it hurt me if I try to ignore them? Can I sit with these thoughts and just allow them to pass? What are the actual truths? What are some great things about myself? Where can I buy more pizza... cos pizza fixes all!
----I would never tell anyone the things I tell myself.
----My therapist tells me to see yourself as your first child.
----View them objectively, as an outsider, instead of making it the truth in your mind.
----Wisemind, everyone.
(9) Has anyone successfully changed the way they think about something and found they felt differently as a result of this?
----I think I've definitely learned something Rocket!
----It definitely made me think of some things I want to explore further. I think I need to use self-talk more, even in conversations with listeners. I actually quite like myself, and I need to remind myself of that.
----Yeah, I kind of want to be more positive now.
(10) In the beginning we asked you to rate how you are feeling on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. How would you rate how you are feeling now?
----Answers ranged from 3.5-7
----General consensus that mood improved
Thanks to all who participated....hope to see you again next week. All are welcome to join--please check the community calendar for a list of guided discussions occuring in the Depression Support chat room!!
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Heather
August 10th, 2015
@RocketsMom - These are beautiful notes! Thank you for putting these together :)
1 reply
Thanks @Heather. I really enjoy these discussions!
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LaLaLoopsy2007
August 11th, 2015
Wasn't there for this one I don't think... Maybe... Was there for Mondays though... It was same questions... all good questions... very hard to sit through because they were really thought provoking for me atm... Thanks all who lead these discussions. <3
3 replies
@LaLaLoopsy2007 -- I tagged you because you were there for the last 10mins or so of it and helped us with the last 2-3 questions :). The days all run together for me so if I hadn't had the transcript I wouldn't have known for sure lol
2 replies
LaLaLoopsy2007
August 12th, 2015
The days all meld together for me aswell. >.< i can't even recognize what I was part of. lol!
1 reply
@LaLaLoopsy2007 -- same here. I forget what I did at work all the time lol
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