@Rose1324 awww I understand that feeling🙁 bless you💖
When depression hits I let myself cry and be alone with my thoughts hiding under my blanket🙂 also leaning on my friends here at cups gives me great comfort💖
@Tinywhisper11
I also feel great comfort on 7 Cups myself
@Rose1324 💖💖 aww I'm glad you find comfort here 💖💖
It feels like walking through mud with 75lbs on my back and God is squeezing my heart like he’s ready for me to quit. Then mask through the day like nothing is wrong and breathe through the pain. That’s just the “normal“ baseline. It’s been over 20 years since I’ve experienced true joy. Ketamine is helping though.
@Cadbadger
I understand. We are here to help!
@Rose1324
When I was depressed, I felt there was no hope, no reason for things. Just limitless suffering with moments of joy acting as a lie to spur you on to endure even more.
I saw happiness as delusion. I truly hated myself and could only think of death, which would have landed me in a different kind of suffering, nothingness.
I did not want to speak about my feelings as I didn't want to be just another problem in the world. I refused to participate in the madness. In a way I was determined to be a light against all odds.
It was distorted thinking like nothing else. I have so much empathy for those struggling with deep depression. It prevents you from even seeking help. It views positive affirmations as a threat to identity.
It's a miracle I recovered.
@cyanessence
That is great to hear! I am proud that you found your way.
@Rose1324
Help found its way to me. And now all I want to do is be the help that finds others.
Depression is a monster. I'm not expecting much, but I will at least share my story so hopefully one can see that even if things feel intensely bad, recovery is possible.
@cyanessence
You are doing the right thing, and I am glad you want to share your story; not many people are willing to. Keep up the good work, and thank you.
@Rose1324
Depression is the most draining and least active disorder in mental health. It is not talked about often, and signs usually are mistaken and ignored. It affects every day, your work, emotions, and relationships—even friends. It can even leave you emotionally paralyzed and not able to function or want to get out of bed in the morning (any time of the day). You need to push yourself to get motivated. What it does to me is that I feel drained, not wanting to do anything or get out of bed. It also makes me very tired and my emotions out of whack. I find it very difficult to get through the day and accomplish my study and housework. I push myself because it will not get done otherwise, and sometimes I need to write in my journal or talk to someone if it really gets to the point that it paralyzes me.
@Rose1324
It's that paralysis that breaks my heart. It's like being the living dead sometimes. I just couldn't feel at times. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. I wanted to scream but didn't have the drive. I wanted help but had no energy.
My heart sings for you. You are fighting against a darkness that has no right. I hope it all means something in the end, and I truly believe it does. Reason is a fact of reality. Thus, it will all make sense in time, inevitably.
