What do you hate about yourself?
Depression is bizarre in how in alters the way we think. We may know logically that it is our depression making us think this way but knowing that doesn't invalidate it. So write down what exactly you hate about yourself, let it all out. Once you do look back at what you wrote. Hopefully documenting your thought process will make it easier to work through your issues. Plus we will all be here to help.
Everything, the fact that I'm an empty shell of a person i was before. The fact that I lost a lot of my cognitive abilities.
I hate how I can't be grateful of what I have right now
I hate how I care too deeply about people and then get hurt
@mads427
Don't trust the people too much... Everything is fake in this world
I'm exclusively attracted to people I can't be with.
Everything .. I am not who I want to be and it's my fault , I'm embarrass by my precious behavior & ashamed ... I want a do over
@LolaCabanna
Every day can be a do over. Start fresh in the morning, you can do one thing to make you feel better!!
@LolaCabanna.
I feel the same way!!! I totally understand
I make my fears a reality because im so scared of not having control
this makes me have emetophobia, social anxiety, and now im questioning my sexuality because im scared Im gonna do it again force myself to be something i dont want to be :/
I hate that I consistently self sabotage every aspect of my life. For instance, when I start oil paintings, I'll get within a layer of finishing them, and then I'll start like 100 more -all of which are left needing another layer. I know how to finish them, I just don't.. Also, when someone pays me a compliment, I never fail to screw it up or make them change their mind. It's a curse. I work over hours (that I am not being paid for) at my job. I did my best to maintain a good impression, but I had a major breakdown one day, and cried at work. Though a couple of workers were there for me, I noticed a change. Everytime I go around them, I now feel pathetic. I hate that one bad moment can ruin a whole year in the workplace and create a wall of awkwardness. I will keep trying...
@convivialTangerine4054
reading your post and what you said about your work place I feel like telling you that many times we might let a situation become heavier than what it really is, meaning for example: you said that you've noticed a change with your collegues after you had a breakdown and that's probably true, people many times get a little distant, but I found in my experience that if we succeed in letting what happened behind us, leaving back that feeling of "down" and shame that sometimes we get after breaking down or confronting ourselves with other people, we can start feeling more calm and free around them again. For myself, I had some trouble at work too sometimes and I undestood that I was taking for granted that other people knew how I felt and didn't want anything to do with it, whereas sometimes I found out that the other person was just scared because he/she didn't know how to act so that I wouldn't get hurt or cause another crisis at work. And I saw that when I succeed in being relaxed and natural with others, not making an issue of past episodes or personal problems I may have, I feel much better and often I see that they feel much better too and all the situation gets less tense and more pleasant. My experience, I hope this relates to you and might help you in any way! Wishing you all the best!
(And what you said about starting projects and not finishing them is many times an issue with me too, I get easily discouraged, start with enthusiasm and then all of a sudden lose interest, I'm working on this to see what is the best way to look at things)
@RinaP Thank you kindly for the thoughtful response to my ramblings! I appreciate your words, and I do my best to see things from another perspective. I agree. I do believe the awkwardness is often created because they are not quite sure what to say/ careful not to upset me. I am fortunate that I had a couple of good friends that went out of their way to cheer me up. Still, I get mad at myself for putting them through it because sometimes, I wonder if I make them feel embarrassed to be my friend after a meltdown. I know most would say that is just the voice of depression speaking, and that if they truly were my friends, they would continue to care, but I am definitely my own worse critic on those days and don't see things as clearly as I should. It's rough, but I know it's something that can potentially go away with effort, time, and experience.
It's funny how I saw this forum topic and posted something that is such a minor thing. I guess there are quite a bit more things I could list about hating myself (just to get it off my chest, as I believe this post was created for), but I am in a better mood today thankfully. ;) THANK YOU again for your words of wisdom. I wish you the best as well!!
@convivialTangerine4054
So glad if my words made you feel better and were useful!
You know I feel I particularly relate to what you said because in the last few years I've been going through many thoughts myself when speaking to people about my problems. I started thinking that I was maybe bothering them and felt bad about sharing too much because I was afraid to make them feel depressed too, or passing on to them my own negative thoughts or feelings. I've been worried about looking like a too "problematic" person and I was constantly worried about what others would think of me and whether they considered me unable to do certain things/jobs or to have certain conversations with them because of the problems they saw in me.
Now I'm starting to think a little different, first of all I started considering that yes, there are times when I need to talk to someone, whereas other times I don't need it. So if in a particular moment I really feel that I need to share something or to tell something I start by asking myself: what is it you really want to talk about? Sometimes I wrote it down too and it already helped me, without even reaching out to other people. Some other times I felt like talking really to someone and so it's ok too.
I am also doing constant self-criticism wondering if I'm behaving in a right way or doing the right things and being the best version of myself, but now I am starting to understand that I need to be more tolerant, that it's great to have high standards, but it doesn't mean that if we don't reach them immediately we should feel bad or that we're going the wrong way. It's just that it takes time, as you mentioned, and I often found that I wasn't having enough patience towards myself. So if sometimes I have a meltdown or feel depressed I need to be the first one to understand myself, to be tolerant and try to help myself avoiding too many negative thoughts, we all have problems and even if we know that we need to get better we shouldn't feel excessive shame or blame ourselves. And there is no reason for our friends to be ashamed of being our friends because of those things.
Sometimes I feel a lot of confusion in my head too and, as you said, can't see things quite clearly, but I'm really trying to work on it in these times thinking over these things and I am already feeling somewhat better!
Yes, I also came to this post not thinking about this topic but I'm glad if we had a chance to talk it over and hopefully help each other!!!:)
Wishing you a great day!!
i hate the way i hate myself
I hate that I see what I need to do to feel better, but something inside me prevents me from doing it ... my mind recognizes the issue, but my feelings just can't deal
I hate the fact that I don't care that my life is not progressing forward.
@Adanonymous if you are not irritated that you aren't moving forward that means you're okay where you are and you know what? It's okay to take a small or large break from moving forward to just relax or help yourself. You are fully entitled to just stop moving forward for a bit. Although everyone tells you you should constantly be moving forward doesn't make it a law. And in my opinion, it was wrong to just expect the world from you without considering all that you have already done and been through. Even if you're not aware if it.
