2025
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!!! 🎆🥂🎁❤️
Prayers and prayers. May this year be bigger, brighter and blissful. May we all be safe, and happier.
Amen.
Neither of us are ranting. It is what depression does to the brain in allowing us to imagine that we are hurting people when we express real emotions. I most certainly didn't mean to offend you. I am still not functioning well and we will see how tomorrow's therapy session goes.
I don't know if any of this helps, but I was going over study techniques with my students tonight. Here are some of the things that my school suggests in dealing with procrastination.
The first is a general statement about one of the reasons behind procrastination:
Because we think we should be perfect. Procrastination and perfectionism often go hand in hand. Perfectionists tend to procrastinate because they expect so much of themselves. It is easier to believe that you could have done better on an assignment if you only had more time. So it is not really your fault that you didn’t get full credit or a good grade.
Then there are some tips for what to do about it:
Begin by paying attention to your procrastination patterns. Are you overbooked, confused about the assignment, don’t know where to start?
Make a plan and break the work down into small steps. Set times/dates for when you will complete each step. If you think you work best under pressure, set earlier deadlines for yourself. Look at your schedule and find chunks of time that can work for smaller tasks. It is also easier to work on something you don’t like in smaller bites.
Try the Pomodoro Technique to build in breaks. Set a timer for 25 minutes, work during that time, and take a 5-minute break when the timer goes off. Then repeat 2 or 3 times. This will help you stay focused
Think about where you will be most productive for what you need to do. Make sure you eliminate digital distractions. Pull up the materials you need on your laptop, and turn the Wi-Fi off and put your phone on airplane mode. Multitasking is a myth.
Get an anti-procrastination buddy. Team up with a fellow student. We are much more likely to follow through on our plans when we have shared our plans with someone.
Don’t give up if some days are less productive than others. Just reset and keep moving forward. Understand your procrastination and remember this is something you can change.
I can always give you more ideas like this if you find them helpful. If you find them in any way to make things harder, then I will send no more.
I know you never intend to offend me. I just don't want you to worry about anything with me - even if it's ranting. 🫂 How are you?
I didn't know about the Pomodoro technique. It sounds doable. I want to try.
Breaking things into smaller chunks is something I already know about. I can't guess my procrastinating pattern. It's sometimes maybe due to depression/dopamine craving, freezing when practicing English and thinking I'm doomed that it's already November and I haven't gotten anywhere yet. The perfectionism burns me out. But recently I have let go off some aspects and learn in the messy way and then sort it out. Have been doing it for Psychology. Gonna start with English. I just cannot control the silent panic attacks with English and I feel like crying.
Sadly I end up needing internet to help me explain topics in the most simplest way. I never use Chatgpt for homework, writing my assignments or an essay because that's wrong and unhelpful. I know how to use it the correct way and it is only for knowledge and simpler language for lessons that I use it for. It really does help. I have been using appblock but I also willingly give pauses here and my willpower breaks. I can turn on the airplane mode.
Please feel free to send me more. They'd really help me out.
I am having a bit of trouble posting so I am going to try shorter messages.
Sorry that I missed on Tuesday. It was a very, very bad day. As of yesterday, I am now back on depression meds, five years after I proudly weaned myself off of them. Life has simply gotten too overwhelming and all the bad stuff is back.
I don't have too much in terms of study tips this evening except to remind you that you are very, very good at English. You are much better than many of my students.
You do not have to be sorry at all. I'm sorry that your life is being too hard on you rn but please remember that needing the meds again doesn't make you any less stronger. It just means that you can do with a little more support and that's human. I'm like that. Many people are like that. And it's temporary for you, that I also believe. You're going to feel well. Don't worry about replying early or late. I'm here with you. And thank you so much for your compliment. 🫂
Thank you. I do understand that I have been given a lot to handle at the moment so that is why illness has clearly returned. Lots of challenges in trying to adapt to the meds that I took before. I am having trouble focusing and seeing straight. I will end up on partial mental health leave this Friday. As of Monday, my dad stopped really eating any food so we will see how much longer this goes on. @querencia798
It's best that you're taking this leave. Give yourself rest and grace. Talk to your husband, fam and even me (only whenever you feel like, no pressure)
I am trying my best to do that and muddle through. My father remains the same. I hope that things are well with you. @querencia798
Your efforts mean more than you know.
I'm going on. Been under the weather lately. My gastric issues/heartburn have returned and they are draining my energy.
Sorry that I missed for the last few days. They have been a bit more intense. Sorry to hear about your gastro-intestinal stuff. I hope that your exam prep continues moving forward.
My dad is still on quite a roller coaster. I saw him yesterday and was pretty sure that he would die sometime today which is also my birthday. He wasn't really seeing me and wasn't talking much. But today he was much better and able to hold a conversation. He also started eating a bit again. The up and down is pretty hard. @querencia798
I hope that all is okay with you. I do think about you often. Things are still pretty much the same here as I attempt to finish my semester on a partial leave of absence.
Continuing to think about you. Little has changed with me, but I hope that your studying is going well.
I'm extremely sorry I couldn't come here this month. I was in a gloomy state but not as tough as it's in your case - I wish I could do something, Dawn. :/ How is it going? I've thought about you often, and ofc I always come back. I thought I should give you some space, but I should also come here more. It may not be a great time now, but Merry Christmas 💖 I wish on this ocassion and everyday only recovery, blessings, light and peace in your lives and your families'.
Thanks for coming on when you can and offering support. I am minimally better at the moment because my boys are home and school work has died down a bit.
But we are with my dad today which is tough. He was really good for the first part of the day but then he got tired and combative. It is hard to watch because it feels like he and mom should be experiencing more peace right now. But none of this happens on our schedule. @querencia798
Just letting you know that I am thinking about you and hoping that things are going well with your studies. @querencia798
Hoping that things are going okay for you. I think about you regularly. @querencia798
Letting you know that I do think of you regularly. Things continue to be rough for me but that doesn't stop me from caring. I hope that your exam prep is going well. You can do this. @querencia798
Do write to me further on the other thread. I wrote this message below to you there and then the site decided to block me and reenter all my information. Luckily, I had saved everything I had written so I didn't have to retype. But it did cause your new message to disappear and so I couldn't answer it directly.
You never, ever have to apologize or feel guilty for leaving space for a bit and then returning. I will never think worse of you. Remember at the bottom of everything that I believe in you as a person and we have a solid relationship. That doesn't get broken by taking a few months off. It is not something that you need to feel anxious about or beat yourself up over. You are good just the way you are. You will always be a special friend.
I can't say that my own life has seen any massive improvements in the last few months unluckily. Sometimes life comes in really bad waves and I am still in the process of coming out of mine. My father surprisingly is still with us after 8 months in hospice care and bed bound. He is 94. However, my mother died pretty suddenly about a month ago. She had a seizure while driving in early March but it looked like things were okay and she came home. But then she started with horrible pain that no medication seemed to help. We are pretty sure that she had spinal cancer when she died April 22, but it happened too quickly for them to confirm it. I was sad (and still am) that she is no longer with us, but I am very grateful that she is no longer in pain. Watching her suffer and being able to do nothing for her was one of the worst experiences of my life. In my opinion, her caring for my dad destroyed her physically.
We are spending lots of time at her house sorting through massive piles of stuff that she left behind. We are also planning a memorial service in another month. It is all challenging because my sister lives abroad and can only come back occasionally. But my semester just ended so I can focus on the family stuff more this summer. Physically I also need some time to recover because my back has gotten really bad with all of the stress. I can't sit or get into a car for the drive very well without severe pain. So I am having lots of doctor appointments.
Anyway, I really do want to hear from you however things are going. Don't be comparing your life to mine. No matter what is going on with you it matters and is important. I am still on here every other day. It helps keep me centered and calmer.
I wish I could hug you in person. I honestly ended up tearing up and crying hearing about your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss, Dawn. It breaks my heart more because the imagination or thought of losing a mother is hard to comprehend. And since you are my friend, it gave me grief. I'm sorry I wasn't here. I know you hold no grudges. It's you, but I feel sorry. You have gone through a lot. I can slowly share my stuff with each reply. But I just want to say how much you inspire me, and whenever I imagine how a person steadily, little by little, moves forward despite the trials and tribulations life throws at them, I remember you. I see you. I really love adore and love you so much. Please feel my hug.🫂 I hope your family is supporting you through everything, and wish for your speedy recovery both physically and mentally.
What a wonderful message. Thanks so much for saying that. It is much appreciated, especially during my lower moments. Today was very much one of my more emotional days with a therapy session, being really sore after working at the house this weekend, and finding out that I have all sorts of technical health insurance issues to deal with in regards to mom's final hospital stays that add to the pile of things that I have to do (which was already feeling pretty massive).
Sorry I said two days and then did three. I keep losing track of what day it is.
I would love to hear how things are going for you. Feel free to answer me on the other thread if you would rather talk there. You just need to tag me again. @querencia798
Sending good vibes your way. @querencia798
I'm sending my long message in chunks because the platform ain't letting me post and always considers I'm in some self-danger. I'm also not finding the other thread I just tagged you into. And I need to let it out.
1)
Thank you, Dawn, for letting me know about you. You have my support and wishes always.
Dawn, I honestly don’t even know how to start this properly. I disappeared for so long and I’ve felt guilty and ashamed about it for months, especially after what you were going through with your father the last time we spoke. I kept wanting to text you but the longer I stayed away, the heavier it became in my head. @bestVase7265
2)
My mental state has been really bad for a long time now. Since my AS (Grade 11) exams started, I feel like something in me completely.... I was supposed to give 6 exams this May but because of burnxxxout, overxxxload, avoidxxxance, and honestly how mentally dr@ined I’ve become, I could only give 3. None of them even went the way I wanted because I wasn’t prepared enough either, and now I’m stuck in this horrible cycle of guilt, numbness, exhaustion, and self-h@tred.
3)
I feel low-energy almost all the time. I’m addicted to my phone because it’s basically my escape. Eating feels like one of the only things that gives me dopamine. I don’t enjoy things properly anymore, not even music or drawing. Night feels safer because I can sleep and temporarily stop thinking, while daytime feels terrifying because I have to face responsibilities I feel too drained to handle. @bestVase7265
PS: Do check number 2 post above this.
4)
And this sounds stupid, but two daily soap operas became one of my only comfort sources emotionally. I got so attached to them because they distracted me from my own brain & studying for a while, and I feel embarrassed admitting that.
Recently I had a really bad emotional outburst with my mom and afterward I felt deeply shaken and scared by how overwhelmed I’d become emotionally. One of the things that hurts me most is that whenever I struggle mentally, my father starts implying I’m becoming “crazy” like my mom or inheriting her problems, and that messes with my head even more.
6)
I also want to be honest and say that I couldn’t even properly finish writing this myself. My situation and feelings are completely mine, but gpt helped me organize/edit this message because my brain genuinely feels too exhausted and messy to even express things properly right now. That’s honestly the state I’m in mentally.
I missed you. @bestVase7265
It's all okay. I was able to read your messages here. We knew that the exams were going to be hard, right? You took some of them. That is a victory, not a defeat.
Your brain in some ways wants you to fail so it creates interest in things like soap operas and phones to distract you. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that somehow feels easier than picking up the ball and trying again.
Your father is wrong. You aren't your mother. You never could be because you are a different person.
So we look at the pieces that we have in front of us and we starting building the puzzle again. We turn off the phone and the soap operas. We start looking at what we want to try next and we break it up into much smaller tasks.
So first question, the three exams that you did take - do you have results and were they passing results?
Well, first two were Psychology paper 1 and 2 (AS - Grade 11 of this subject done). Another was Business paper 1. Paper 2 I missed because I had no prep. I registered thinking I'll be prepped up but I didn't attend any classes of Paper 2 lessons because again I was burntout. I don't know what's happening. Need to start studying for it now but again I'm obsessed with phone & soaps. I sleep because of meds. I don't think I want to fail but don't know why I don't want to put efforts like before either. My results for these 3 papers will come around late August. My A2 (Grade 12) will start in July. I have a month or so to study Business Paper 2 so I can concemtrate on A2 better when it starts.
In all this, I don't know what to do for English. I haven't given its AS or A2 either. It needs practice amd consistency and routine but look at my brain.
You are allowed to be tired. But you can also work through that exhaustion and get the next things done that you want to get done.
It is little steps, not big ones. So tomorrow, if you are watching two soaps, watch only one. Then watch the other one the next day. If you are on the phone, set a timer for 20 minutes. Then study for 20 minutes.
You can do this consistently. You just have to start. And if you fail one day then you wipe the slate clean and try again the next.
I believe in you. @querencia798
Continuing to check in. You are worth it. Don't let fear control you. You can do this and are worthy. @bestVase7265
Sending strength and peace. I am not going anywhere no matter what happens. @bestVase7265
How is it going? Each day is a new opportunity to wipe the slate clean. Keep remembering that. You are stronger than you know. @bestVase7265
How are things going? Even if the answer is not so good, do keep in touch. It's the only way through. I believe in you.
@querencia798
Continuing to check back. @querencia798
I am not going to let you go here. What is going on? Keeping me updated no matter how you are feeling is a critical starting point to feeling better. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Thank you so much for continuing to stick to me and refusing to back down. I love this about you.
I have actually been very depressed. For some days, my depression has been making me bawl. I hate my depression. I hate that I can't study the business paper I've missed or any English papers. My parents' support remain, but not that kind that gets me doing stuff. I am lonely there.
I hate my depression too. It often feels like quicksand. But there are three things that help:
1) Make sure to eat and drink properly
2) Get outside
3) All victories however small are victories. You have to celebrate them and then move forward to the next thing.
You can do this. You are in charge. Not the depression.
@querencia798
I eat and drink properly. Rest that is related to keeping your body fine and neat, I'm not good at.
I can't get outside because I hate outside. There's been a rotten smell and the roads are getting repaired outside my building.
It's not like I don't get good sleep. From 2 to 10 am, a good sleep but it's after that time I don't feel like doing my stuff. My responsibilities. My burden. Studying. I'm not finding it rewarding despite being aware of the long term whatever.
Last year traumas still haunt me and have developed this bitterness against studies. I can't do anything.
Also, is there something called nostalgic depression or something? Because I feel I deeply miss the 2000s and 2010s. The times I was the happiest and shows, movies and music were alive. Now I feel worse than dead. You won't believe how overwhelmingly this feeling got a grip of me these few days. I cried & cried like ***. I don't know any way out of it. Times when I was stress-free. I don't find any reason to find current times likeable, but you know Dawn, suddenly - out of nowhere - when I wasn’t doing anything, this thought came across my mind. That if anything about this decade is memorable, it was finding people across borders. Like you, like Anya. Suddenly the image of you came in front of my eyes and it was equally delightful to the aspects of the previous decades. But that's it. I don't feel like liv-ing anymore. What is there?
Good. So you are already doing some basic things in terms of eating and drinking. Sleeping is much harder to control and it sounds like you are doing your best.
However, getting outside does remain fairly critical or at least doing something approximating it. Stare up at the clouds from a window. Instead of watching a soap opera, put on a YouTube video of nature sounds and music for 15 minutes. I particularly like watching jelly fish. Notice that I am not saying do something large and majestic. 15 minutes to half and hour daily for two weeks starts retraining your brain patterns.
Yes, of course there is nostalgia. But it is also false. The past really wasn't much better. Your brain is selectively looking at the good parts. It is what brains do. The key is focusing on the present. That is what that 15 minutes does. You can find your way back, but let's start small. You actually have already started by eating and drinking okay. Now it is time to take another step. You can do this.
You are doing great in seeing that finding people across borders has helped you. So you can see good. If you stay relaxed and focused you can find even more slowly but surely. Keep looking for it. @querencia798
Sending peace. @querencia798
I haven't forgotten about you at all. I was just dealing with my mom's memorial service and all the chaos surrounding it. But I think of you often and am sending you strength. You can do this and get through this latest bout of depression. @querencia798
Peace and hugs coming your way. @querencia798
I am not going anywhere. Talking is always better than remaining silent. You are stronger than you know. @querencia798
Hey, I hope everything went okay with your mom's memorial service. Sending you strength, patience and hope for all the chaos that goes on. I forgot to tell you I had a fruitful therapy session 2 weeks back. It was refreshing. My A2 (12th grade) classes started yesterday and they went okay. But I still have so much pressure. The 2 papers from each of the 3 subject in this year and the 3 papers that I haven't taken yet from AS (11th grade) in Business & English. I am very scared. I also watched FIFA. I love football. I'm a Brasil supporter. The games always make me feel good. Sadly the team lost yesterday. Let me know if you like watching them too and about how you're doing.
The service went okay. My sister and I do not see things the same which made that week very stressful. There is still lots to do with handling all of her affairs and closing her house, but we took off for a week which helped. We are now back at it tomorrow which will be stressful.
I am glad that the therapy helped and your schooling is continuing. You are going to be okay as long as you don't look down at the size of the pile in front of you. Just trust that you can do it.
I have kept track of some of the World Cup. I guess my favorites at this point are Morocco and Norway. I like to cheer for teams who haven't won the whole thing yet. But lots of my previous favorites have already lost. @querencia798
Nice to know. Spain was today. I supported this team and it did. I feel so happy. But sadly after that I saw some hate comments against me online on a completely different issue. It was something related to a dumb soap opera and a dumb fandom. They attacked me with words like ***, dog, hypocrite and that I should be kicked out of the fandom just for having a different opinion. And Dawn believe you me, I felt crushed. Yes, as dumb as it sounds, I was heartbroken. Because I'm too sensitive, depressed, mentally weak already. Internet drama added to my stress. I felt exposed even tho I did nothing and maintained a dignified language. I felt humiliated. And I've been crying nonstop. Even to my mother. I feel so dumb but the pain of attack feels very real at this moment.
It doesn't sound dumb at all. You are allowed to be hurt when people use nasty words.
But give yourself a chance to bounce back a bit over the next few days. Remember that the Internet allows people to say really untrue things that they would never say in person. And when they find someone vulnerable to attack, they do so with special vigor. None of what they say has anything valid behind it beyond their own misunderstandings and anger.
So then you can look for other people to understand you better. You really are a fantastic person who deserves the best. Trust in that. @querencia798
Thank you, Dawn ❤️
How is it going? Are you okay?
Thanks for asking. I will hopefully be better in a while, but not yet. We are still cleaning out the house which is emotionally quite hard in addition to visiting Dad. We have about a month of that left. I also have some medical questions that I am very nervous about the answer. @querencia798
I hope God eases your problems, Dawn. Keep me updated about your health. I pray you do not have to face anything serious but also that you get the strength to face all your battles. I'm here.
Thank you. Things are still in flux at least a little longer. I may get some answers to medical questions tomorrow and my father is down to his final days. But I am surviving. My semester began today.
How are you? @querencia798
Dawn, I'm sorry to reply after 17 days. There's been a lot which I can tell you later about.
How is your health? What are the updates? How's your father? I'm sorry. I'm sending you a hug. I'm here. Even when I'm not I will always come back. To hear you. Please let me know you are okay and tell me the truth.
Whenever you reply is fine. I do know that you care.
I am definitely going through a rough patch where I don't really see the end. But I have lots of people trying to be supportive. My dad died on August 17th on my first real teaching day of our chaotic Autumn Term. I had 15 minutes to call the nurses and my sister after he died before I had to go back to teaching. I have been running non-stop ever since without much time to mourn. This weekend is the first days off from teaching that I have had and it has involved driving to my parents' home 3 hours away to finish cleaning out both the home after mom's death in April and now dad's nursing home room. It takes lots of emotional energy to be in those spaces. But my husband and two of my sons are here helping which has made things easier. We will try to finish tomorrow so we can drive back and I can teach again on Monday. @querencia798
I have not much words, Dawn. Nothing I will say can take away the feeling of the 2 major losses that you have recently had. My heart goes out to you. Just know...that I'm with you. Always. I'm here to listen. And I cannot be in more awe of your strength of still going. I just hope things get easier soon and you have the time to mourn, and rest, and just be. Your parents are proud of you, and they'll be with you, watching over you. I love you, Dawn. Do also let me know about your health which you told me you had been worrying about. I hope you find some peace soon. Feel my hug.
Thank you. This week feels a bit less stressful than the last few which is good. Lots of the time it is just getting up and trying again when you get knocked down.
The medical issues on top of everything else (or because of everything else) have been challenging. When my mom first got sick, I injured my back and it still hasn't healed since March. Some days are really bad and others are just a little more manageable. I am constantly trying exercises, physical therapy and pain medication to get something to work. Today I was told that I cannot have a steroid injection due to other issues with my back. So we will try a new regular pain medication instead.
But I am very tired. I take it a day at a time and don't look at the pile or too far into the future.@querencia798
I see. I was a little worried when you told me there was something up with your health. I know it's painful and pretty challenging and I really pray that the new medication effectively helps you and you can function well safely. Keep me updated. I'm proud of you. It's the right way right now, not looking too far ahead. You're doing this right. I'm here for you, Dawn. I hope you feel relief on a regular basis.
Thanks again. We will see. I am still adapting to the new meds and they may have caused a small infection. The pain is less but I am more tired. I am going to give everything a few more days before going back to my main doctor to ask if the mix of meds that I am on is okay.
When I said "other issues" with my back I was downplaying things a little. Most likely it is nothing, but I have at least one tumor on my spinal nerves. But I have to wait until November to have another test done to see if it is growing. They can't do a biopsy without altering the spine itself. They couldn't do the injection because if it is cancer the injection would make it worse. So it is all a waiting game which is tough considering I had to wait 5 months last year with a different cancer scare only to find out that it was nothing. My mother also died of spinal cancer. But all the indicators are that what I currently have is benign. I am trying hard not to think about all of it. @querencia798
This is breaking my heart. I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through this ridiculous pain. I understand not wanting to think about it till November. Is it how doctor's appointments work there? I pray it's nothing and just a harmless one. I wish I could be there with you in person. I want to hug you, Dawn. Stay strong. It'll pass. I hope you have the support you need to overcome this. Your husband and family are there, right? Please stay strong.
Yes, my husband and kids are lifelines at the moment. It is also nice to have an occasional weekend day where I don't have to go anywhere. Still lots of schoolwork to keep me busy though.
Unluckily with the spinal stuff it is a waiting game because they have to see over 3 months if anything grows. If it doesn't then they can look again 3 months later. No one wants to do spinal surgery unless it is necessary. I definitely agree with that even if it means waiting. But I am tired of waiting. @querencia798
Yes I can imagine how frustrating it must be. I can also imagine being scared but I feel happy to know your lifelines are there. You need them. Seek every help you need. I think the schoolwork will also keep your mind off of it for sometime. You know Dawn, I am praying for you everyday. Idk how religious you are. I am not but I like to believe strongly in prayers. I hope it's benign and overall you live with the healthiest life possible. And I hope you don't have to go through this again. I'm here to listen if you want to rant too. 🫂
Just checking in with you. I am also here to listen. @querencia798
Please i want to talk right now with someone. I'm so so depressed .
If anyone here who can talk in urdu , it's easy for me to express my feelings. Please help RN
