2025
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!!! 🎆🥂🎁❤️
Prayers and prayers. May this year be bigger, brighter and blissful. May we all be safe, and happier.
Amen.
May you have a good Eid weekend.
Please let me know when you get a chance how you did with the earthquake. I am presuming you are okay, but I know that the general area is vaguely close. Sending peace.
Know that you can do whatever is put in front of you. Stay focused on it rather than the past or the distant future.
Grant yourself daily mercy. I am still here right behind you cheering you on.
Sending a hug.
Sending peace
Hi, Dawn. Thank you for your Eid wishes. Extremely sorry again for late replying. I didn't feel festive or much joy at all. It is taking a *** lot of me and time to get back up. My therapist is helping me but the therapy she gives is very new to me. She tells me to observe my body, my thoughts, my feelings, myself whenever I am feeling depressed or anything. I now try to do that. But I also get frustrated as to when will we come up with coping strategies and solutions. Like, how much of just sitting and observing pain. Is she trying to teach me how to be with my myself in my distress space? My friend, Anya, helps me with sending handouts that consist of methods of distress tolerance and self soothing. Some thing I have noted down that I think could work in a paper and kept inside my pillow.
But right now I'm panicking. I panic everytime I think about A-levels. After some days I'm going to meet my 2 teachers who helped me get through igcses and do what you told me to do many days ago - that is asking them about GED and see what they say. If they suggest A-levels which I suspect they would because traditional Bangladeshis, then I still dunno how am I gonna react or whether I will accept my destiny then. There is something called Radical acceptance I'm learning about. It means accepting reality even when it isnt the reality you prefer. Should I do that, Dawn? Tell me. What should I study in university. I'm confused. I'm panicking.
Another thing, when I panic like right now, I call universities and agencies to ask them if they accept this and that, Ged or A-levels, enquire about the course. My original plan has always been Malaysia due to its affordability, you know that. But I have been hearing that there are less work opportunities there. That has landed me in distress. Whereas I am hearing that some countries in Europe give work permit. What should I do, Dawn? The universities I wanna study in in Malaysia accept GED but Europe doesn't accept GED. Another thing, you're a professor, please counsel me on career advice. I was interested in Foundation in Business, you already know but that plan got scrapped and I'm wondering if it's God's way of telling me something. That I shouldn't study Business but something else like mass communication or hospitality or fashion communication. You tell me. I'm an INFP. I don't see myself working in corporate, competitive workplaces. I seek for freedom in the job that I may wanna do. And it has to have some meaning for me with less stress and much to enjoy. Please help me, Dawn. I know I have overloaded you with lots of information but please advice me something. Say things you think I need to hear.
So radical acceptance is a very good thing. Your therapist is trying to teach you to be able to observe everything at a distance from yourself so that you don't become panicked or overwhelmed. It is definitely a treatment plan but as with all treatment it takes time. Sometimes you don't even know that it is working. I know when I started healing it took a long time before I could see or believe it but then I popped out the other side. When you come to accept what you have been given rather than what you wanted, all of the mental health stuff becomes easier most of the time.
I can tell you that from my own experience. I studied for a long time to get my Ph.D. (12 years) and then I couldn't find a job anywhere. I slipped into a deep depression. Then I got a yearlong job to replace someone else that slowly turned into more. I never got the tenure track job to the perfect history career that I envisioned when I started. I will never get to do history research or go on sabbatical. Some years (like this one) I don't find out until very late whether they have the money to employ me the next year. But I adore my job in ways that I know now I would have never liked my "dream". I am where I am supposed to be doing the teaching that I am supposed to be doing. But I had to accept that this was going to be my path and that it was going to work. You can do the same thing with your journey.
I do think that you should do the A levels rather then the GED. I don't think that I would even ask. The A levels are going to get you further faster. You are very definitely smart enough. The panic is going to go away as you continue. You just take it a step at a time. You aren't on a certain time table. You are focusing on each day.
I never liked the idea of Foundations of Business for you. Mass communication, hospitality or fashion all sound better. Hospitality would not only be easier but it would also lead to a job quicker. There are hospitality jobs in lots of places and would give you more freedom, I think. But I also like mass communication. Focus on those topics that are allow some more creativity. I also know that you like making bracelets so the fashion angle is well worth exploring. They will also be academically easier with less activities involving math.
Keep reminding yourself that you can do this a day at a time. But radically accept that you are going to go for A levels. See where it takes you. @querencia798
I'm proud of you for surviving and managing to make the most out of your career. You deserve to be appreciated. May I know why is everyone against GED so much? Does it cause problems in job or anything? Is it inferior? What about the people opting for that route? Do they have no future. If A-levels was my answer all along, why were people not honest with me (I'm talking about my dad here and my sister abandoning me in distress.) Did you have the same feelings btw back then?
May I know if you didn't like the idea of Foundation in Business (I have dropped my liking too) why didn't you tell me? Was it because you saw I had already made up my mind or something?
I would agree that staying home for now is best so that you can heal mentally while you continue to work towards the A levels.
You are going to have occasional bad days where you lash out at people. Healing is hard work. You will make mistakes but that doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you aren't also moving forward right now. I don't think any worse of you. You have asked your mom's forgiveness and you are going to try to be better in the future. That is all that you can do.
Your dad isn't going to let you do anything but A levels at this point so imagining the GED path is just causing you more pain. This is where the radical acceptance part comes in. Just keep working at it because it will come. Yes, your parents didn't teach you things. But you are perfectly capable of learning them now.
I will admit that I find the A levels very confusing. So you need to study Business and Economics and Accounting now but can study the other things once you get to college? I am just thinking in terms of the easiest course load for you. If that is Business, Economics and Accounting then that is what you do. But I am surprised that the only other offerings are based in hard sciences. They have no offerings in languages, history, social sciences? Anything?
I do think that your current thinking has flaws BECAUSE OF YOUR ILLNESS. It just wants to make those exams seem like hurdles that you can't get over. You have gotten over plenty of exam hurdles before and you did quite well. Ultimately this is no different.
Can you do both studying and repairing your mental health at the same time? Absolutely. But take it slow, go to lots of therapy, and grant yourself grace. You are going to be able to do this one little step at a time.
Let me clear the A-levels confusion for you. They are British subject qualifications taken in your 11th and 12th grade, equivalent to school leaving certificate. 11th is called AS and 12th is called A2. There's A-levels in the UK but I don't study the one they teach to local students there. I study their international counterpart. Ial - International Advanced Levels. That much you already know, I guess. There is Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Business, Accounting, Law, Economics, Psychology, English Language, English Literature, History, Computer Science, IT, Arabic, Spanish, French, German, Geography, Maths. These are the options in my board which is Edexcel. Now the thing is, in my country, hardly anyone studies the languages, geography and history so there are almost no teachers, coaching or materials for those subjects. The students either go for science or commerce subjects. Toxic traditional, I know. There's English but I don't feel confident in that at this level. My subjects decided are Economics, Business and Law. Law can be completed within a year. I find accounting dull. Now I may be suggested some changes by the teachers that I'm going to talk to. Let's see. Yes, I can study Mass comm, hospitality etc even with these subjects. My options are open except for the science courses.
Yes, I fear the exams bad. I fear the critical thinking questions. Since it's an international qualification, there are questions related to critical thinking and I believe ppl around my region - critical thinking doesn't come naturally to them. Even if my current thinking has flaws, I'm repeating the question, why the hard path instead of the easier one?
I took a shower in the morning and then my body became so relaxed I fell asleep. Had lunch but then slept again till now. I wonder for how long this is gonna go on. I'm dealing with too many things at once.
@bestVase7265 I'm 23 and still haven't crossed my 12th. How shameful and disastrous is that? I am sobbing rn. I'm sobbing because I am behind. No one is a failure like me. I'm again finding myself slipping into a depressive episode. Why wouldn't I lean towards the GED considering my age is increasing? Answer me.
@bestVase7265 The lack of an idea of what I should study in university frustrates me. It is sending me into panic mode.
Your age does not matter here. Your persistence does. There are people even in my country who don't get their basic diplomas until they are 80 years old.
Ok, so now I understand the business, economics and law. They sound fine as long as they feel better than the accounting did. Studying them makes sense if that is what is being offered. But you also have a high level of critical thinking and English already. Remember that I grade English assignments for a living. You are much better than most of my college students. Critical thinking is also something that you do well and can build as a skill. All it really is is the ability to see things from a variety of different perspectives and be able to derive your own viewpoint from that logically. Again, it is something that I teach.
Anytime you want to put an assignment paragraph on here, please feel free. I will tell you how clear your thinking is and where you might think more deeply. I really do think that you can do this well. The people who don't do it well are those who are too caught up in themselves to see any other view than their own and have little imagination. That isn't true of you.
You are allowed to need more sleep. It is part of how your brain is healing.
You aren't supposed to know what you want to study at university right now. That is in the more distant future. All you need is the three courses that you do first. Think just in terms of immediate assignments. Nothing else. @querencia798
I understand and I'd never think low of anyone who completes their education at a later stage in life but I'm failing to extend that same empathy to myself. I feel like it's my fault for not being firm on my education even tho Anya says how was I supposed to know and that I was a minor who was being neglected.
I can send you paragraphs. I havent even properly started my lectures and work. My classes resume tomorrow and I feel blank, not knowing what to do.
I know, Dawn that it is a matter of distant future but an idea of a career would be soothing. I have some links. Can you please go through them and suggest which course looks suitable? I have 2 Malaysian universities in mind.
https://www.ucsiuniversity.edu.my/programmes/ba-hons-mass-communication
https://www.ucsiuniversity.edu.my/programmes/bachelor-arts-hons-business-administration
https://newinti.edu.my/programme/bachelor-of-mass-communication-honours/
I have shared two mass communication courses, one from each university. Can you compare and let me know which programme structure is better?
@bestVase7265 And these 3:
https://www.ucsiuniversity.edu.my/programmes/bachelor-arts-honours-hospitality-management
https://www.ucsiuniversity.edu.my/programmes/ba-hons-hospitality-management-dual-award-htmi-switzerland
@bestVase7265 Please please go through the links carefully. Read the COURSE STRUCTURE, the entry requirements, the specifications, everything, compare and let me know. I'd be extremely grateful.
Ok, I am going to try to do these just one at a time each night so I can look slowly and think. You can do the same with each one, but stay focused on what you are doing now as much as possible. Having a distant goal is mind is okay, but the present and its challenges are where your energies need to go.
So I just looked at the first link tonight. Of the three that you mentioned (mass communication, fashion communication, and hospitality), I probably least fit mass communication with you. The program itself looks okay, but some of the courses sound a little big and bold in terms of the people they attract. Some of it would involve heavy public speaking and I am not sure how confident you are right now in giving presentations like that.
But I could be completely wrong on that front. If you do like public speaking, let me know and I will look at the courses again. @querencia798
I did look over the other mass comm program to compare just a little. The second one but it did mention internships and jobs more frequently. It also felt a little more structured throughout in terms of the courses with less room for electives. That would probably be helpful for you. But it is also going to heavily be based in you doing lots of public speaking.
Also with both it was a little hard to tell if you shouldn't be doing English as one of your A-levels to prove your English competency.
For mass comm you do need to have lots of quality English. Again, yours in these messages is just fine, but you need to be confident with it. @querencia798
What do you think about fashion communication? Hospitality (and which one)? Or are you going to comment on one each day?
Public speaking skill may be improved. I actually found the UCSI mass communication programme better but since you are a professor, I'm not gonna undervalue what you said about finding INTI's better.
I'm having eye allergy, skin allergies and itching and emotional pain. I need to get some tests done. It's hard. And while I'm radically trying to accept A-levels, classes resuming are giving me stress.
Comments are below. This thread is starting to lose a few messages. @querencia798
I did read both of your messages. But since I didn't see anything specific about fashion communication and hospital I don't get the clearance.
Happy New Year
Ok, yes, I am only going to do one program a night (or at least one type). I will admit that I am also not particularly well at the moment because of lots of job uncertainty so I have been told by my therapist to limit my amount of time on 7 Cups. So my answers are a little shorter.
You are going to figure out the A level courses as they come. Waiting is the hard part and is probably causing some of the physical symptoms as well. Remember that you are doing it a day at a time.
So tonight the fashion management and communication programme. From the start, I think that this programme is a better fit for some your interests than mass communication. It is a bit narrow, but I think that you could do well within it. The biggest challenge might be convincing your dad. If he won't pay for fashion then you would have a problem from the start. But the courses look good and focused towards getting you experience and a job. There are also lots of career options within the field so you can learn where you are comfortable. The fashion industry isn't frivolous but some people might see it as such. I really like the idea for you.
Thank you so much. And I wish the tension over job uncertainty goes away soon and you feel a bit better. It's okay for answers to be shorter but I hope you feel better. I also liked the fashion communication better. My father does say that he will let me do whatever I want. And the Fashion programme needs A-levels sigh. I'm just underconfident (like I am about everything) whether I'll be able to make a career out of it and have the skills to do a proper job.
Next is hospitality and do let me know from which university. Have a nice day.
@bestVase7265 Why I also think that fashion communication is better is because I know I'm limited in designing so fashion designing isn't what I can go for. It's better to do something else like management and communication here but in fashion.
Ok, actually you also had that business administration one as a link as well. I am going to start in on the hospitality ones tomorrow.
So I don't love the business admin one. The program itself looks solid and has many of the same courses that they have at my school. I have a business admin professor in the office next to mine. The walls are thin so I can often hear him advising students. I rarely understand what he is saying to be honest. There are lots of math and technical details which you could probably handle, but I am not sure that you would love the jobs on the other side unless you did a marketing track which allows for a bit more creativity. I did notice that this program looked like it was opening up a branch campus in Bangladesh. I know. That also looks more dicey if you want to get away from home.
Again, keep focused as much as you can on what you are doing right now - the A levels. You can do these. It is going to be step by step. When do you start classes on those?
You are quite right in pointing out that I might not love the jobs in the business admin one even tho I am not aware of all the jobs. Marketing insterests me but I don't know if I'm ever gonna be as good at it as it needs. All the courses I shared with you involves some marketing. You know, in future I always thought of opening a small business but does that need me studying business at university? I'm more of a hands-on person rather than learning theory now.
I'm trying my best to get myself in the mindset to study. I take sessions twice a week and I even let my therapist know that as much as I know that I can't rush my mind and body, it does need to be a little fast that I start progressing if I want to give exams in January. She today asked me if it is the fast that is making it complicated for me. Asked me to reflect on that. Told me to not consider the board exam so huge and take some steps of the stairs first. She told me that we are building brick by brick. So to answer your question, maybe I'll still have brain fog but my concentration may improve after more confidence from teachers and a restored self-esteem. It pains me that I cannot immediately answer your question about resuming. It could be next week. I'm fearing life a lot, Dawn. I'm seeing my reality and trying to accept it. I always had a sheltered life and suddenly I was dropped and my parents didn't teach me skills of growing up. What adds on top is that I'm a hyper sensitive child in an adult body who has been made to suddenly wake up from a slumber in a distressing way and I broke down so bad. I'm getting up. I'm getting up. I'm just sorry if I sound like an annoying person delaying but it's a lot for me. It's as though something changed since 19th Jan. My friend, Anya, is trying her best to keep me hopeful.
Btw it's my birthday today. Please Dawn, make the best of the best wishes for me strongly. Please hope and pray for me that I can cross A-levels and I heal. It's a lot of pain.
You are quite right in pointing out that I might not love the jobs in the business admin one even tho I am not aware of all the jobs. Marketing insterests me but I don't know if I'm ever gonna be as good at it as it needs. All the courses I shared with you involves some marketing. You know, in future I always thought of opening a small business but does that need me studying business at university? I'm more of a hands-on person rather than learning theory now.
I'm trying my best to get myself in the mindset to study. I take sessions twice a week and I even let my therapist know that as much as I know that I can't rush my mind and body, it does need to be a little fast that I start progressing if I want to give exams in January. She today asked me if it is the fast that is making it complicated for me. Asked me to reflect on that. Told me to not consider the board exam so huge and take some steps of the stairs first. She told me that we are building brick by brick. So to answer your question, maybe I'll still have brain fog but my concentration may improve after more confidence from teachers and a restored self-esteem. It pains me that I cannot immediately answer your question about resuming. It could be next week. I'm fearing life a lot, Dawn. I'm seeing my reality and trying to accept it. I always had a sheltered life and suddenly I was dropped and my parents didn't teach me skills of growing up. What adds on top is that I'm a hyper sensitive child in an adult body who has been made to suddenly wake up from a slumber in a distressing way and I broke down so bad. I'm getting up. I'm getting up. I'm just sorry if I sound like an annoying person delaying but it's a lot for me. It's as though something changed since 19th Jan. My friend, Anya, is trying her best to keep me hopeful.
Btw it's my birthday today. Please Dawn, make the best of the best wishes for me strongly. Please hope and pray for me that I can cross A-levels and I heal. It's a lot of pain.