2025

I am so, so sorry that I missed posting on your birthday. Yesterday was a pretty catastrophic day for me with so many ups and downs that I ended up with a panic attack and decided that I needed to take a night off. Today has been a bit better but I am still exhausted.

So let me start by answering your message here and then I will go back and try to answer the website question if I have time okay? I will get to those hospitality ones which may hold solid promise.

Marketing is more hands-on than theory, but of course for a small business you have to understand lots of things including planning, accounting, etc. So in marketing you usually do a few business classes to get the flavor of how to run a business but it is very much about how you present information to convince people.

I am glad that you are working so hard to get yourself in the right mindset. You are right not to rush things. You are indeed building brick by brick. Twice a week sessions are awesome! You are slowly going to get more confident. That is good enough. You will resume as soon as you can. That is good enough too. But do open the books that you have daily. Read a single page. Therapists usually argue for slow exposure therapy to the things that we fear. You are indeed getting up. I have full confidence that you can do it. 

I am indeed hoping and praying for you this week and every week. I hope that you had a good birthday!

I will be back to try to do the 2nd message tonight after I finish two more than I need to look at. 

Ok, I am going to attempt to do the first hospitality one here - the one for hospitality administration. 

The first thing that I like about it is the high employability score. They are looking to get you a job which is what you need. I also like the idea of eco-hospitality as I think that might be a growing field. 

It looks like you do need to take an English placement exam, but based upon how you write here I don't think that will be a problem. It looks like the first year of the program is nice and broad with lots of really hands-on activity based learning. I also like the cross cultural studies and the fact that you get to learn a language. Year 2 explores lots of different fields once again while starting you on some field training.  You will get a nice idea of the things that you like and what you don't. I also like the independent projects that you are possibly doing. Year 2 and Year 3 have nice electives to choose from.

You are getting some nice management training throughout and it looks like there are even some people that start their own businesses within the hospitality industry. 

I will have to compare this program tomorrow to one of the other ones, but the only challenge that I see thus far is that you end up being prepared to really be leading organizations. But the process looks quite complete and easy to follow.

Try to stop thinking about how long things will take or what age you will be. None of that makes a difference if you think of life as a journey. There are no set beginning and ending points for any activity except birth and death. Lots of regrets just get your thoughts looping around themselves. This is very much one of those radical acceptance things.

I agree that all careers are stressful. Yesterday I wrote 80 emails for instance. I think that you handle things when they come at you and try not to worry too far into the future either. If fashion communication is what is calling to you then go with what that voice is telling you. Listening to your inner voice of hope and the future is critical at this point. 

If your dad wants to go elsewhere after you finish your A levels then he can go by himself or with your mother. You should go to Malaysia and study what you want to study. One of the critical things here is that you get away from him at all costs. You need your independence in order to grow. It is scary, but you can do it. Escaping him stops the abuse. It is why your sister left. It will allow you to find yourself and happiness. It is the most critical element of studying for the A levels.

Ok so the difference between the two hospitality tracks is that the 2nd one is more intense. I don't think that I would go for that one if I were you. There are more opportunities and earlier opportunities for outside learning and you spend more time learning French, but I do not think that you would feel a need to be in upper management or director of something.

I still have one more program to look at tomorrow, but right now I like the fashion communication one followed by the first of the two hospitality ones. You need to make sure that you keep at least two options open because you can never be sure what is going to happen.

You are okay and I am still able to answer some. I am hoping to find out tomorrow if the job I have had for 25 years is going to be cut or not. So my next few days are a little dicier but I will find my way back to better footing.

It is okay to fear even a few days of being more alone as your friend mourns. I think that you will find that she is still there for you and it can really help you to comfort her. So it is less about giving her space and more about asking how she is doing and really listening to her responses. One thing that has really helped me with 7 Cups is doing what I am doing right now - typing messages to others that I should be saying to myself. Knowing that you are helping someone really improves your own mood and confidence.

You will pick up more friends. It is a skill you can build at any age. And you don't need huge numbers of them. There is no set number of friends that suddenly means you are a success. 7 Cups is a great place to practice the friends thing. So when you feel lonely consider doing a chat room or starting a new discussion thread or answering someone else to try to start a discussion. 

Ok, I looked over the final hospitality program. This was easily the most challenging of the three hospitality programs. It includes lots of independent projects and a dissertation and may have additional entry requirements. I would avoid this one. 

So the order of the ones that I liked are the fashion communication one, the first hospitality one, and then probably one of the mass communication ones. 

Hopefully that helps. 

I did find out that I do have a contract for next year. But they made me wait until after 6 pm to find out so it was a long depressing day. I ended up canceling the class that I was supposed to teach at 5:30 pm because I knew I wasn't in the right head space. I told my dean point blank why I was doing it for mental health reasons. She is usually pretty understanding about such things because she knows that I will do anything she asks of me normally. Everyone wants me to be really happy immediately, but my brain needs time to process the competing anger and joy emotions. So I will play "fake it until you make it" tomorrow. It usually works.

So I look forward to hearing about your meeting tomorrow. Remember that anything your former teacher said is advice you can choose to take or ignore. It will work out no matter what. There is a very slight chance that I won't be able to get your message tomorrow, but I will do it first if I have a moment to get on and I am going to try hard. I have a late rehearsal tomorrow night. 

Ok, take some nice deep breaths as you read. It is still all going to be okay despite the bad day that you had. It was indeed traumatic and your brain still doesn't deal with trauma well. Yes, the self harm and everything else was scary and rough, but you are right - it isn't you. Bad moments don't define you. Ever. It is how you work hard to overcome them that matters. You are going to do that if you keep on the path of lots of therapy appointments and medication and starting A-level preparation. 

The day was very painful for you, but (I know you aren't going to believe this) I think it was helpful for your dad. He needed to see that your original path was actually a good and recommended one and that someone else thought so. He needed to see the pain that all of this has caused you. Your respected teacher saw right through your father's weak excuses. I know that you think your dad is a pretty horrible person, but all people feel guilt. He may not react well when he feels guilty but that doesn't mean the emotion doesn't happen. Every so often that means he will be kinder to you. I doubt that he will suddenly say you don't have to do A-levels, but any kindness that he offers you deserve. Remember that over the next few days.

Now listen to me carefully about the subjects for A-levels. I have said more than once that you have excellent English skills and that I have always sensed you would be more comfortable studying it that business or economics. I have told you so in previous posts. Psychology also isn't a bad course for someone who wants to study fashion communication either. To do fashion communication you have to be able to communicate in English. Psychology helps you to imagine what people are going to be impressed by and how you can communicate fashion trends in a way that people adapt them. 

Am I now telling you to switch? Not necessarily. What about combining? What if you studied business and English (and psychology if you need a third one). I would go with English language rather than English literature. Going for something that you are actually good at rather than totally new material will make things easier for you. The key is to get through the A-levels as best you can. Business will be easier than economics. 

The fact that your teacher didn't understand the fashion communication part is okay for now. I disagree with your teacher that Malaysia is necessarily a bad plan. I can easily see the program that you found working for you. 

Again though, it is A-levels where you should be focusing now. You are NOT "stuck in a pathetic stage of life". You are working through painful things to come out the other side. You can do this. Stop looking at the past or the future. The present is what matters. Focus yourself on what you are going to do tomorrow and then next week. 

Ok, I got home really, really late tonight and don't have time to look closely this evening, but my schedule loosens beginning tomorrow and I think that I should be much better for the next week or so and will carefully look over things.

Some therapy sessions are going to be rougher than others. Remember that therapists are supposed to push you in directions that you don't want to go and sometimes the way there is rather vague. It doesn't mean that you can't figure it out. 

One quick clarifying question before I start looking over subjects - all of the programs in Malaysia that you were applying for said you needed a D in A-levels, not an A. Do you have to get an A?

Okay well there is a big difference between an A and a C passing grade. Watch the benchmarks you need to hit and don't worry about not hitting higher than them. 

I still believe that you can do this but you need to get started. You are allowed to be tired with low energy. But that doesn't have to stop you. I teach often and do other things often when I don't think I have the energy or mental capacity to do them. The actual trick is just starting to do them anyway. Your therapist is right in part - you are the only one who can jump the hurdle and get going. It is just lots of little steps. Opening the books and just getting started. You are not wasting any money on therapy. She can't give you an exact path. You are indeed the script writer. But the script is easy - start no matter how much fear you have and how tired you are. 

I do think that you can go for the business/economics since you already are planning on them, but I do think that you should switch out law for English language. I will help you with the essay writing portion of things. You are a very good writer. You actually are good at plenty of things. The English language is going to get you much further in the career that you want than law will.

Online classes aren't as good as in person ones because you actually need to change your physical environment (which I know takes bravery) in order to get out of the hole you are in. Doing everything from home will cause you to doubt more. But if online classes are your only option, you can make them work. 

So your next task is to start tomorrow on the business and economics curriculum. Spend at least a half hour to 45 minutes on each to start. You can do this. I will guide you. But you are right that the time to start is NOW. You can't know where any of the pitfalls are until you begin. 

I have noticed that you don't answer if you think that you are going to disappoint me in some way. I am hoping that isn't the case here.

I am going to be pushing you a little here, yes. But first of all, I am just suggesting two 15 minute blocks to start. You can do anything for 15 minutes.

Second, if you don't succeed, you just try again the next day. No harm done. I am not going to think differently of you.

You have lots to be proud of. You are trying. That matters a great deal.

Ok, so you are right about needing to start studying for the A levels now. You really don't have any more time to look at what your dad did in the past or plan for these other programs in the future. 

You NEED to focus on the present and that means studying for the Business/Economics today. What did you do for them in the last 24 hours? Were you have to do 15 minutes on each? This is becoming more and more critical. You will be stuck even longer in the regret if you don't start immediately. 

So I am going to wait a night on looking at either the other programs or on the English/law question. I will start those as soon as you can tell me that you have started studying the business/economics. 15 minutes on each. Tell me what you looked at and what you learned. Your reward will be me answering the other questions.