2025
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!!! 🎆🥂🎁❤️
Prayers and prayers. May this year be bigger, brighter and blissful. May we all be safe, and happier.
Amen.
Vibrations of awesome coming your way.
I still think often about you, but you will notice that I am going to only comment every other night from here on out. My therapist has suggested that I need to start limiting my activity on Cups a bit. It is going to be a hard transition because I have been doing this a decade.
But that doesn't mean that I am not a support mechanism. I hope that you continue to heal.
You are a wonderful human being, a butterfly getting ready to emerge from a cocoon. It will be hard work, but you can do this.
Sending beautiful vibrations to a beautiful person.
Peace and blessings this evening.
I was away from any internet connection for a few days, but I am now back. I have been thinking about you.
I cannot thank you enough for thinking about me and sending me texts so many days. And I cannot be more apologetic for not being in the state to reply to you on those days. Thank you for wishing only good things for me. What you said about getting a college degree makes sense.
I'd like to let you know that 4th May was brutal on me. My father attacked me physically and called me names and hurled abuses because his patience had reached its limit when I broke a glass, leading me to do self harm subconsciously. And I suffered from ptsd because of that and even all that has gone through me in these 5 months until a few days ago because my doctor altered my medicines so I am feeling a little better. I am also on talking terms with him now. He appologised a thousand times and I left no stone unturned in reminding him of that. Anyway, it's life. Currently it feels a little better with the A-levels pressure off of me and my dad continuously saying that he'll take me for a trip to Malaysia in June-July. I'm extremely sorry for not still not giving you a good news of recovering and getting out of bed. I'm trying to. But please know that I am feeling a little easy even tho questions of future and purpose of life cloud my mind but yeah it's also because I'm staying at home which I shouldn't. Trust me, I know that. My father suggested yoga centres and artistic things. Let's see. Maybe an awesome life like you said will come my way, I dunno. This slumber that I have awoken from on 19th Jan has moved me.
You are getting there and have nothing to be sorry for. You are healing. You will get up and outside soon. I can imagine that your father's abuse this month has left some scars. Those take a while to heal too.
So take even smaller steps. Try staying in the house but sitting by a window for a bit. Just seeing outside can do wonders. You can also try small art projects at home. Everything is good. You are brave and you are going to find a way to move forward. You already sound calmer.
Know that I am now going on 7 Cups every other day. My therapist said that after a decade of going on every night to help people that I needed to slow down a bit due to the stresses in my own life. I have a tendency to absorb everything around me in ways that aren't healthy. So I am trying her approach and seeing if it works. But I am still on really regularly as you can see from my messages.
I'm about to start A-levels with English, Psychology and Law. I'm struggling finding the right therapist. I don't know what's wrong with me. Garima (my last indian therapist) does a psychodynamic therapy and more reflective based which may be good for long term but I need a directive approach and cbt and all which she doesnt do. So Anindita (Indian) who I could connect to through Garima felt like a Bangladeshi therapist at some points but some of her words stayed like I cannot let depression become my identity. The way she was talking all smilingly reminded me of Bangladeshi therapists which makes me feel like they don't take me seriously and Idk if this is an issue with me only. She told me to emgage in activities throughout the day. Art, Jewellery, or anything small. But that's all my dad says too. So I start questioning that even if I get the therapist with directed approach, I don't like it and feel like they are taking me lightly. On the other hand, I question that if I should be taken lightly indeed and listen to other people about bettering my routine because if I let depression overpower me I cannot get out of it.
Tell me one thing - what people are saying is right or not. That I need to start bettering routine and only then I'll get better. I keep asking what if my mental stamina is all over and I cant be dragged despite anything but that may be my depression giving me the illusion. Is it true? I'm trying to strengthen myself by myself. But you know it's not like there arent issues in me. If they spill out in the form of bad grades, I'm done.
And my sister is being inhumane with me. She said so many worse stuff. Said she never wanted to deal with a mentally challenged sibling like me. Blocked me despite knowing I send my therapy fees through her bevause its impossible to send money outside bangladesh. Lashed out at me. Crushed me with soul crushing words. I feel like I am dying. Please save me.
I am going to answer this at the bottom of all my postings so the print doesn't get too small, okay?@querencia798
Hoping that you had a day filled with peace.
I dont have any day filled with peace, Dawn
Thinking of you as you continue to rebuild things and find a way forward.
Wishing a beautiful day to a beautiful person.