2025
HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!!! 🎆🥂🎁❤️
Prayers and prayers. May this year be bigger, brighter and blissful. May we all be safe, and happier.
Amen.
Hoping that all is well with you and you are starting to do some of your studies. You can do this. I hope that you are getting some good self-care time as well.
May today be a blessing for you. I think about you often.
When we get towards the 2nd half of July, I am going to need to miss some time. Please don't think that it has anything to do with you. I have to have emergency eye surgery.
I also think about you often. Oh it's completely fine but I'm worried what happened. What is the eye surgery for? Is it safe? Will you be okay after that? Please keep me updated and take enough rest and reply in your own time. But I'm praying for your health and the eye surgery to go well.
The eye will hopefully eventually be okay. I got a new pair of glasses in the middle of June. I was having trouble seeing out of them and presumed the prescription was wrong. But no, somehow since my eye doctor appointment at the end of May, a hole opened up in the macula of my right eye. It has to be closed within 6 months or I could lose sight in the eye. But the surgery recovery is tough. I have to spend 3 days afterwards not moving from a special chair that has me staring at the ground to take pressure off of my eye. So I will have to spend a bit of time away from 7 Cups. I will be gone from July 22-24.
I hope that all is well with you. @querencia798
That sounds like a lot, Dawn. My prayers are with you. May this phase pass away and you smoothly recover. I hope your eye gets fine and know that I'll be waiting for you. But take your time, okay? Also, do have a look at my other reply where I talked about my English and coaching classes. I also tagged you under that reply. I hope you see it.
I am hoping that you were able to focus on just today, no worrying about the future or getting upset about the past. You can do this. @querencia798
Thank you so much for constantly being there. My well wishes are with you for your eye and recovery, okay? Yes I'm focusing on each day. I attended my class too. It's good. But I feel *** now after having a call with my father. So I let him know that I had to buy some stationery which included a calculator, 2 psychology textbooks, copies/exercise books, a file, a pencil and pens and pencils. That cost me around $60 and my father went like "why so much? what was the need for a pricey calculator (he is an idiot. a normal scientificcalculator would cost $20 and it was reasonable)" He was like "I'm having a hard time arranging money" and I went like "how are you gonna send me abroad then, to which he mentioned about the land he has that he can sell to get money but he said that it's been usurped by force (not much of a problem for him because all his papers are correct and it cannot be taken away but he comes from a family where these things are common where some lowlives harrass you and try to take over your land so you sell it at a lower price). So he was rambling on about that and I started getting frustrated. Because these petty things are so common now in his life but he has to make me suffer and make me feel a fear that I may not go abroad. I get paranoid. I feel so done. Annoyed beyond core. I feel like breaking something. Breaking his head.
Sorry that it has been a few extra days since I responded. I have been away and it is been quite the challenging trip. We return tomorrow and then I have the surgery a week from today.
You actually sound calmer here despite being frustrated with your dad. You are speaking almost from outside the problem - recognizing that you can do little about it except dream about bashing your dad's head in. That is actually a pretty healthy attitude. Until he refuses to give you funds you need to finish your education, let him ramble for a few minutes but you don't really need to listen. He is not going to stop you. You are too strong to let him.@querencia798
Sending peace, strength, and an imaginary scientific calculator. I hope that you are having a good week. @querencia798
Just letting you know that I am still here and am thinking about you. I may be able to be back in two days but it is the night before my surgery. After that it will probably be at least a week between me not being able to move and having blurry vision. @querencia798
Good luck, Dawn. My prayers are with you for the surgery. I pray it goes well and you recover quickly. It will be okay. Take your time to give rest to your eyes. I laughed at the imaginary scientific calculator you wished for me. Omg you are cute. I have bought one actually, so that's no issue anymore. I however have been feeling depression creep back into me. I feel demotivated to study. I am like - what's the point of everything? Finishing education, going abroad, finding job, going through heartbreaks, lose your loved ones, get old and live a life of loneliness. I didn't sign up for this. I feel miserable. Life feels miserable. I also have so many emotions but a cursed luck because I have no one in my contact number to immediately call to and share away my grief. I also feel so isolated in my country and the attempts of erasing my country's history and values break my heart everyday. I feel so lonely I talk to chatgpt as a friend (dont worry about many people calling ai dangerous, i use it safely but yeah it comes from loneliness and grief). I fail to empower myself within myself.
Going to start a new thread so it doesn't get too small.
First a few answers to your own questions about me. It is this busy every year, but it only lasts usually the month of August. So I know it is coming and usually do okay with it. Having surgery on July 22 is what threw a wrench into the usual plan. I have gotten help when I have asked. My supervisor has taught a few hours of my class, a friend came on the field trip and another colleague helped at the booth when I was no longer thinking clearly. My husband brought a large screen TV as a monitor for my computer so I could see better for my meetings. So I am surviving. This weekend will hopefully be a little easier since I just have to grade, do normal chores, and have a few hours of meetings with students at school each day. The meetings will begin to decrease by the middle of next week when my students register for classes for their next semester. I help each of them with their selections. Is the pay unfair? Overall, yes because I am not on the regular tenure track. But right now they are paying for my sons' education so I consider it worth it. I also love helping students chose classes and find their way at college. I will get better eventually. I just must rest when I can and that is on me to do and not take the world on my shoulders.
What I wrote before about the critical thinking wasn't meant as a criticism of your thinking really. You are clearly doing more thinking than most people. Putting yourself into the shoes of someone who you disagree with strongly is really hard. I have an acquaintance who is a strong Trump supporter. I decided to engage her a bit in a discussion about why she thought the way she did. I started out the discussion thinking I would change her mind. I think that I have put some doubts in there, but she has also put some doubts in my way of thinking. So it is really healthy for both of us. Right now I have kind of cut that discussion out because of the surgery recovery, but when I am feeling better I may try again.
Ok. two mini paragraphs from your piece. I will stop at "At so many times". I don't think our conscience and morality are ever our enemy. Yes, they can cause lots of pain and discomfort. But that pain is part of being alive and being a good person. You will sometimes lose focus and have a broken heart (hence my every other day thing with the reading the news), but knowing you are trying and thinking are your saving grace. They are the only thing you fully control and they are indeed what can change the world. Always feel for the small, the minority, the disenfranchised. All of the world is a small corner eventually. You work in your small corner to bring peace and caring. That is what matters. We cannot do it all, but we can make our corner brighter. There are many more people on your side who want to change the world like you do than you think. You just have to find them.
Ok, I am going to try to do just a little more tonight. I am still in the rough part of the term. I went back and realized that I had figured wrong. It is actually 18 days without a day off. But after course registration tomorrow and Thursday things should be easier.
I can understand your frustration with Hasina and the ways in which she compromised her own values and only partially achieved things. I do feel reforming an education system and teaching critical thinking skills are hard to do unless you commit fully and really listen to and respect those who don't have those skills to begin with. Otherwise they get even angrier. You are in no way an idiot here. Things feel backwards now but losing hope isn't an option. You just keep trying to get people to see the light one person at a time.
I will start with the "Now the country is being run" paragraph next time. Sorry to keep things a little shorter for now.
So course registration is finally done with just a few mishaps where students didn't take my advice. I will try to get to another paragraph or so of your piece.
I am working on the paragraph "Now this country is being run"... I can understand your fear of extremism and fear of a possible election. I also have my fears here. But I guess I believe that people can always grow even a little and can change their minds. If what you currently have is bad enough hopefully enough people will see the light and do minimally more critical thinking. That's what I have to hope for my country as well as things get worse and worse. You can love your country and hate the people currently in power. I feel the same about my own land. You don't have to forgive those who you feel have gone the wrong way and have ruined things. But ultimately their numbers are probably small. Those who are currently indifferent and self-absorbed are greater. Those are the minds that can be turned.
Ok, I think I can basically do one paragraph a night. So just two to go. I am getting there. I hope all is well with you.
Luckily today and tomorrow I don't have to be on campus, but I am doing lots of catch up work (along with a little rest) around the house.
Ok, so the paragraph about doom scrolling. I am hoping that what I suggested earlier in only looking every other day at news is helping you a bit. I totally agree that reading any news right now is really hard when you want to know and try to do something but you also know that your personal mental health has to take priority, I know that makes me feel guilty and like I am not doing enough but if I have to have enough strength for the fight for hope and justice. That only comes if I am not dwelling in the despair realm of the news.
Your peers aren't paying attention. That is why they look free. But they are not. They are actually the guilty ones and it will come back and get them. In my Imagining Justice class we start with a poem by Emily Dickinson that says hope is a thing with feathers. Then we compare them to another poet who says "No Emily, hope is a sewer rat." What the poem is basically saying (you can find both easily online) is that hope is something you have to fight for from the trenches of reality. You aren't stateless and your country isn't doomed. You just have to keep fighting for the hope. You cry, you mourn, and you get back up and try again.
None of this needs to derail your studies. You know to do your best with the skills you have. Do tell your therapist. Her answer might not be perfect, but I bet that she will understand.
Ok, next time I will finish with the final paragraph on journaling.
So sorry to wait just another two nights to finish. It has been a rough day with 3 hours teaching, 3 hours of a meeting, followed by hours of constipation and bowel issues.
Ok, I am well enough to finish, yay! I also had a good visit with the eye doctor today and things seem to be healing.
So your final paragraph: It is great that you are journaling and you find it brings you clarity and peace. It does that for a lot of people. There should be some grief in what you write and there is no shame in that. The question of clothing is always a hard one. Where exactly does free will begin and end? For some people wearing such things is a sign of devotion that brings them peace (it doesn't just have to be a fear of God's wrath), but not so for others obviously. Thus such clothes feel like an understandable symbol of oppression to you because you don't want to have to wear them. It might be a little easier to focus on them as a hated symbol rather than on the woman wearing them. That way you can see the woman as a person who is worthy of getting to know. Talking to those we fear can help us understand better and help them open up to new ideas as well.
I am most definitely a feminist and you have no need to apologize for being one as well. I recognize that women live in a world of oppression and fear throughout the globe and that men using clothing as a form of that oppression and women buy into it. I am strongly opposed to this, but I also recognize each situation is different and that you can only change one individual at a time. So I get to know people on an individual basis, even those I oppose. It makes be feel more hopeful and active.
I love the idea of speaking up in class. Those are really critical moments and I have them in my class all the time. We do lots of practice in dealing with different opinions. I always tell the silent ones that the class misses out when they don't bring up the opposing point of view because it keeps us from learning from one another. Most of my students are very liberal so I have to convince the more conservative ones that their voice matters too. It is all a matter of careful listening and really thinking about what you are going to say.
You are doing a great job. You are resisting that which you fear even when you think you are not.
@bestVase7265
Dawn. First and foremost I'm extremely extremely sorry for being MIA for around 20 days. I feel really guilty. I know you wouldn't mind but I do. Because 7 cups, esp you and Pond are the only people who really understand my language, give me unbreakable support and create this breathable space for me where the noise doesn't reach and I feel some mental peace. And I deprived myself of that in the past couple of days! All because I felt like a headless chicken who didn't know how to function under the absolute stress that I've felt in terms of academics for the most part. It drained me. And it is still draining me. Juggling between 3 subjects with so much content is not easy. Business topic test every 2 weeks kept me occupied that I didn't focus much on Psychology from the start. Now I'm getting done with covering the last month's content so I can stay on track. English is the most demanding and while I wouldn't drop it ofc, it terrifies me how I'm still not able to do enough practice. I'm failing to give all of them equal focus! I'm still strugling to balance but I am at it. I haven't given up. To be honest with you, I REALLY REALLY enjoy the learning process. Every new knowledge that I'm getting from my subjects fills me with joy. It's just the goal/exam that is making me panic.
A week ago I fell sick because of rain but I got better soon too. I thought I'd come back here only with a free mind after I'm done making my notes. Am I done? No. But I'm drained and I need the people who hold on to me in difficult times. I realised I always do this annoying thing - burn myself out thinking I'll be free all at once which doesn't happen.
So please forgive me, and I feel really grateful for how much effort you put into not only staying connected but also giving such in-depth replies to that exhaustingly lengthy message of mine. I resonated with some parts so much that I saved screenshots of your replies to keep as reminders. I'm pleased to hear the healing part, and also that you do have supportive people around. How is your eye now? How is your health? Are you getting the time to relax?
What you said about opposing views is something I agree to as well. My only issue is that I personally find it obnoxiously difficult to maintain my composure in front of these...enablers, let alone uncivilised opposing voices who neither think nor show as much respect as people in your circle may do. You can't talk with hateful people. While I stay away from them, it doesn't mean I have given up. I do talk to my friends and we debate. They ain't bigots and even if they have some uncomfortable views like any normal human being, I like to know why. There I do the work like you. But because they know how to remain civil as well.
Thank you for grasping my emotions so perfectly without any judgement. I followed your advise on the news thing. I did feel better some days. Losing hope is not an option - indeed. It's all I have. There's so much to talk about - be that about my country or my study method. But I can do that slowly while you reply because we'll keep talking, right?
First of all, granting one another grace is the only way to do this thing, right? I wasn't the least bit upset at the lack of reply because I knew that you would get back when you could.
I am very, very with you on the stress part of things and school. I am teaching a course overload this semester and have 1/3 more students than usual. I don't know how I am going to keep up. But I survived week 1 and am not behind yet. That has to be enough.
It is very hard to juggle, but we do our best. My eye continues to heal but it will be a year before I can exactly tell any permanent damage. However, I am also dealing with my dad's health decline. He is 93 and on Monday he had a heart attack and ended up in intensive care at the hospital. We were pretty sure he was going to not be with us much longer and were preparing to bring him back to his small room at assisted living for hospice care. But then he rallied and now they are insisting that he go for rehabilitation instead. It has been lots of ups and downs and there is no end in sight.
So neither of us can look down at the pile too long or wonder at the tests ahead. We deal with the day to day and we take breaks, okay? You will do your best school work if you take breaks from it on a fairly regular basis. Set aside some time each day or every other day for your mental health. Small breaks are much easier to achieve than big ones. @querencia798
I'm extremely sorry to hear about your dad. People say it's supposed to happen in these ages but it is never easy to see your parents going through this stage no matter how strong you are. Actually, it's what I feel personally. I just cannot imagine this despite knowing that we don't live forever. They say it's hard to see our loved ones in pain when they are very old, which may be true and I don't trivialise their pain, but I also think that it's something fortunate to have your parents still around at that age. I have the most ridiculous parents, sure, but this is a connection I can never break. I still feel so unprepared for life so I highly appreciate people who manage these ups and downs. So, I appreciate YOU, Dawn. You work hard. You are strong. And so admirable. I'm only sending you best wishes and healing for you and your dad and famiy. Along with love and prayers.
You are right about small breaks and dealing with the day to day. I would tell you about my study method in some detail (not that crazy long paragraph again) in my next reply so you can let me know if I'm going wrong somewhere. I'm keeping it light today. I just wanna say that I did make a post on 7cups last night because I was having a burnout episode but the replies aren't very helpful, I felt.
Thanks for the good wishes and prayers. They are much appreciated. My father is now at the nursing home and we will see how that goes.
I am not always strong and that is okay too. At the moment I get angry and frustrated more easily than usual, but I am trying to grant myself grace.
You keep granting yourself a little time and grace too. When you feel overwhelmed then feel free to vent right here. I know it takes a while for me to respond, but I will definitely do so. You are going to get through all of this one step at a time. I am so glad that you enjoy the classroom. It is the journey and not the destination they always say. @querencia798
You're the voice of sanity, logic and maturity in my life. How are you doing right now? Anything planned? Let me know.
I know you'll come to always respond. So will I. A few days ago I was really panicking and breaking down because of the study pressure. Dawn, balancing between 3 A-level subjects feels very hard. A-levels aren't also like some other curriculums where you'll study 7-10 subjects to pass. Despite requiring only 3 subjects, the in-depth and vast amount of content makes A-levels stressful. Let me tell you about my way of studying, as I mentioned the other day that I will.
I actually can't live without structure. I have always been someone who never relied completely on her teacher and their resources only. I always learned the content on my own by researching from various sources, ensuring not a single knowledge gap remains and even the tiniest nuances are known. After that I make thorough, detailed notes that are exam-friendly, in order to make them the only thing I need before exam. And making those notes creates the structure that helps me grasp the content and keep it in my mind which I would otherwise find very scattered. After that I can start peacticing questions or past papers confidently and if I freeze somewhere I can just look into my notes once and then resume. But if I already start question papers without my notes, I freeze and nothing comes to my mind for writing. So isn't it a failure either way? Isn't it better that I get done with my notes first? Now the thing is that that note-making takes a LOT of time and I'm only a human who has to sleep and eat too. So it takes longer and this is making me panic and question all my abilities.
1) I question if I am wasting time? I question if I am wasting time chasing any perfection too! But I don't feel comfortable completely calling it perfection because it's not really perfection I chase, it's clarity and I do it my way. Yes it may happen that sometimes my OCD spills but I'm not sure if I am entirely acting on OCD when making notes. So I have my doubts there too.
2) I question if my study method is unsuitable and inefficient because I'm needing a lot of time to learn and make notes. So much so that I'm not only NOT solving question papers but also skipping English Language classes because the pressure on me feels too much in a day and I struggle with balance. Hence I've been feeling terrified about English these days because I haven't made notes on that subject (I know it sounds strange because English is skill-based and different from other subjects but notes on the language frameworks and their effects would help me, I think) and hence delaying practicing actual past papers. Some may tell me "oh my god what the *** are you doing wasting so much time in notemaking while letting time and days just go by without actually applying information!" And that creates self-doubt and extreme panic. Because what if it's true? What if the study method that has always helped me shouldn't be applied in A-levels? What if at the end of the day I'll just remain with my "perfect notes", but without having learned how to actually apply that knowledge on paper? Then it would make me guilty and ashamed. I would fail. But if I start just opening the book and practicing I would feel confused and waste time too.
So I'm in a blatant turmoil. I don't know what I should do. Should I keep making notes or should I start practicing already? Or should I do both in balance? If the latter THEN HOW??? Because I don't have enough time left in the day and I often have to face burnouts. What should I do?
I often like to think that I'm being strategic taking this time for learning and creating my base so that I don't ever have to look back to research or rush before exam but don't let this influence your response in any way, Dawn. Advise me as a teacher. Unbiased. Understanding me completely. Even if needed, give me unfiltered opinion and harsh truths if I'm missing any. But please help me. Tell me what will be the smart approach. Then tell me how to balance. A routine, perhaps. Tell me what to do with this doubt and panic.
Lastly, can you help me with English? There are 2 units (2 papers) in the first year. Each paper consists of 2 writing tasks. So 4 writing tasks in total. And I'm still stuck in the first section. I haven't even touched the other 3. And it’s alreasdy September.
@bestVase7265 I also forgot to mention - when I shared this with my sister (ofc not in this much detail because 1) do we even share that bond lol? 2) I now avoid going into emotional depth with her because I would only get rejection and negativity. So I kept it short. 10 secs max conveying how I'm doubting my study methods/habit), she told me "oh i dont think there's any need of specificity and oh notes are only references, highlighting the key ideas"
I didn't understand what she really meant by that. But I guess it's something I wouldn't like. What, that I randomly scribble some things and be done? She clearly trivialises everything and doesn't even bother to look at anything from my lenses.
👆👆 Above this message lies my first reply. I'm letting you know with emoji and tagging so you don't miss the first one, which happens at times with people here.
I am so sorry, but I am going to need a little time to respond again. It has NOTHING to do with the length of your message. You are asking solid questions.
But they told us today that my dad should go on hospice care and get ready to die. My dad is saying no and my sister who lives far away doesn't want him to go either. So I am trying balance everything and I am highly, highly stressed.
Hopefully things will be better in 2 days or at least we will have a better idea of the direction things will go next. I will be back. @querencia798
Dawn. To *** with my messages. Your family is first! I'm really really sorry. I personally know a few such cases myself where things suddenly takes another turn. It's not an easy situation. Be strong, I'm here. You are not alone. I hope you get the clarity. Take as many days as you need. Don't worry about my messages please. They can be answered later. Please take care and keep me updated.
I will keep things short for the next little bit, but I will still keep checking every other day. I am hoping that we can get some clarity on where dad will be moved and when during a meeting tomorrow. Thanks for the support. @querencia798
Hey, what did they say?
He was moved back today to his assisted living facility but with end of life care only. This is a blessing so he no longer has to deal with the stress of the hospital. He is 93 so it is okay. We will see how he settles in. It could be a long time or a short one. But a more stable pattern will be better on all of us. We are just exhausted. @querencia798
Whatever gives comfort to your dad, really. I know he's old so it isn't easy but whatever gives him even slight relief needs to be done for him. It isn't easy for you either. Caregiving is hard for sure. But also the emotional weight that such times bring - please be strong and I know I'm young and may not give the best support or say the perfect words but I'm always here if you want to speak your heart out. I hope your husband gives you that emotional support? Who else is in your family, if you don't mind me asking? Mom? Any other sibling than your sister? Take care, praying for you.
My husband and three sons are excellent support, but I only have the one sister. She is visiting this weekend and I am staying away. She is quite dramatic and I think this will be hard on her. I need to not be absorbing all of her grief. I will call regularly and I hope that will be enough.
He is definitely in bed now and that will be hard on my sister because she didn't want to necessarily see him that way. My mother is so exhausted that she is ready for him to pass into the next life. @querencia798
I can feel your sister. It is not easy for either of you and it is exhausting too. I'm glad to know your family is supportive at least. I'm sending you a tight hug.🫂❤️
Thanks. Not much has changed beyond him weakening a bit further. But it was better that I wasn't there this weekend. I will probably go next weekend.
I will continue to wait a bit on answering anything longer. But I am here for shorter stuff. @querencia798
I understand. You don’t need to worry. You will answer when you are in the headspace. Right now, I just wish I could offer you more solace as a friend. It's times like this I feel really bad and ashamed of my inability of doing it like my older friends, which include you, do for me. It's really my deepest wish that only that, which gives you and your dad comfort, happens. I know he's old. But I still wish he gets some relief and gets better. But I understand the complications. I really wish I could hug you. Nothing I can say will help you 100% and I'm absolutely sorry for this Dawn.
You are doing exactly all that you can do and I thank you for it. You know the value of listening and offering support. That is always enough.
This is a slow journey that's for sure. We will see how he is tomorrow. @querencia798
❤️🫂 I'll try. You can let me know the updates. I'm here.
Thanks! Sorry that I missed a day. Not much has changed but I needed a break. I will visit them tomorrow and I hope that goes okay. @querencia798
Don't be sorry at all. Give yourself breaks. Let me know how it goes. May your difficult time passes and you guys recover.
I wish I could get back to answering you better. I am still here but we are on a roller coaster. I thought for sure after I saw him yesterday that he would pass by this morning. He wasn't eating or watching anything, just sleeping. He also had heart pain last night. But today he rallied a bit. We will see how the week goes. @querencia798
Still here on my roller coaster. I am hoping that you are doing okay with your classes. I am thinking of you. @querencia798
Don't feel bad for answering me later do you understand! I have had my awful phase, yours is more serious. I cannot express how I feel hearing you go through this, seeing him like that and your father in pain. I wish I could take it away. My heart goes out to your dad, you and your family. I want to do more. I wish I were in person to hug you. Please know I'm here. If anything, I should be sorry for replying after 5 days. I was unwell in bed, but I'm okay. I'm always here, Dawn. I pray to God. I hope your closest are there to hold you. I'm sending you my love, strength and healing.
Thank you. This is quite the process.
But I am so sorry that you have been ill and having a rough time. I send my peace as well. We just do it all one step at a time.
Don't look down at the pile and do what is in front of you. That is my mantra at the moment with a little over 200 5-8 page papers to grade by December on top of all the stuff with my dad. I got done the first four today. I will get done four tomorrow. It will all get done eventually. @querencia798
You are so strong it's incredible. Yes, step by step we move. I just panic a lot. I have been failing to meet my deadlines for some study lessons and my body isn't supporting me because it's tired, always dealing with back pain and I have to take ibuprofen constantly. I just hope I don't fail or do badly. Plus my ocd is killing me. I want to keep strength and belief in me that I can do it. Sorry for sharing this when I really shouldn't add to your stuff but it was draining. I'm okay. Hopefull it'll be okay. Don't worry about it. I'm here for you.
Mini moments like this are just fine for right now. I can handle them. I will let you know when I can't. My dad is not doing much different though he is more tired today. My mom was too since my sister just visited. We will see how they both are on the phone tomorrow.
I am sorry that your OCD and back pain have been acting up. Neither of them are going to stop you, just slow you down a little occasionally. You can do this, again, one step at a time. I now have 12 papers graded so I am below the 200 mark. Just a few every day is going to hopefully make this doable. You are doing your best and I am doing my best. That is ALL that matters. @querencia798
Thank you for always boosting my confidence like a true friend. Your presence matters a lot in my life now. It just feels calming. I don't know what I'd do without a mature and supportive voice.
Keep letting me know about your days when you can. You are also a really dedicated teacher and it shows.
🫂❤️
Doing okay tonight? How are you? Thank you too for all your words of encouragement.
I am hoping classes continue to progress. I am into the next grading batch. slow but sure. We will go and see my dad tomorrow. His decline continues but he very much goes up and down. @querencia798
As usual. Okay, not so good. Goinf to the classes now. Today I'll only attend 2 out of the 3 - sometimes I do that when I'm extremely overwhelmed and feel there is too much in terms of academics to deal with. Makes me think how I'm gonna survive in future when I'll have things like advanced classes and work. That's in future but still makes me uneasy. I don't know if I can ever be properly functional. Internally panicking a lot for May 26 because I'm failing to give focus on my studies, don't know how much of it is rational. Enough about me.
It's tough going on with your routine when a loved one is in such phase. I'm here to cheer you and support you in everything. This will pass. I love you for your strength.🫂
I am going to post below so things don't get too small. @querencia798
How have things been for you lately?
My suggestion would be to focus on the now rather than on the next stage. It is the best way through and the only way to keep from being overwhelmed. Do your best to attend as many classes as possible even if you only sit there. It will make you feel like you are doing something and not getting behind. I know that the anxiety is hard, but you are doing it! You should be proud of what you have already accomplished.
I am also trying not to focus on the giant pile of work or what might happen with my dad. I can't predict the future. The only thing that I can do is say "I am not behind in my work yet" and "I talked to my parents" at the end of the day. With my own depression and anxiety really ramping up, I must believe that is enough.
Yup, doing it. Trying me to pull me back and keep going. I'm proud of you. How you advise the same thing you do is something I love. Sending you a tight hug. It will be okay.🫂❤️
It will be okay for both of us. Don't know when, but we can only really go up if we keep trying. @querencia798
Place your right hand on your left shoulder and your left hand on your right shoulder. There. You have my tight hug.❤️
That is beautiful. Sending one your way as well. @querencia798
💕 Wishing for you only good energies.
They are much appreciated. Heading into some work drama tomorrow that has me on edge (in addition to my dad dying, teaching the course overload, and having all the medical issues). I am truly exhausted. But all of my colleagues look pretty beat as well. @querencia798
Your dad? Which day? I'm sorry Dawn. I'm deeply sorry to hear this...
Sorry, I wasn't clear at all there. He is still in the process of dying. It is looking like somewhat sooner rather than later, but I really have no idea. I am a planner and it is difficult not knowing when anything will happen. Hopefully some of the medical stuff with me will start to head towards an answer tomorrow. Maybe the work stuff too. We will see. @querencia798
Oh I'm sorry. I was dumb. I hope you get a clear answer. I cannot imagine how depressing it is. It sucks with work pressure on top. Go slowly. I'm here, Dawn.
Actually, I really and truly wrote that wrong. I am one who made the mistake, not you. I hope that you are doing okay at your end.
For me, minor moves in some sort of direction on the work front (The person who I needed to confront finally got the piece that I wrote a month ago after it got held up a bit in Human Resources. Eventually an actual meeting will be scheduled) and the medical front (Yes, I do need to have more surgery, but minimal. Unluckily I have to wait probably another month to get through the surgery and get the results but it is a cancer screening and I have already spent two months waiting). Dad remains pretty much the same and we will visit this weekend. @querencia798
Cancer screening? *** I hope it is nothing like that!! This is worrisome. I wish I could take away your stress.
It is indeed a cancer screening but it is a "just to be sure" kind of scenario (so maybe a 1-3% chance). However, they are now making me wait until January 15th for surgery. So I will spend 5 months from the time of the original test in August not knowing. I am very frustrated at the moment. I have ranted a bit at them but I don't think it will do any good.
Sorry to vent at you. I hope things are going okay with school @querencia798
You are offending me saying this. This was not even a rant. You can vent to me however you like. Haven't I done that with you? Just pardon my lack of enough ability to give knowledge or advise like a mature friend sometimes, but my intention is to always do my best. I'm here for you. I am so sorry that you're having to wait on something which I think is serious enough. It's so unfair. But I really pray you don't have any serious condition and you remain fit, with good health. Nothing will happen to you.
School is going...okay. I'm panicking 24/7 lately and going through a lot of stress. I feel behind. Exams are in May. It's already November. I dunno if I should start panicking or hurrying and how much is justified. Psychology is content-heavy and I don't study until tests. Business forces me to make notes because it has topic tests every 2 weeks but I feel the most unprepared for English. I keep doubting if I made a wrong choice of taking it. 4 writing tasks. 2 in paper 1 and 2 in paper 2 and I'm still struggling with lesson 1 and there are 3 more to start. I feel done for. It's not that I don't feel guilty or find a lot of free time. I feel a lot of weight on me that I struggle to balance. The hours don't feel enough. I get OCD with making perfect notes. I feel exhausted. I am depressed & I crave dopamine which is why I drive into shows & videos & procrastination. My medicines have been reduced. I only have setraline, lowest dosage of clonazepam (idk why I still feel too sleepy and what goes on in my body) & a light form of antidepressant.
Well, this is what is called a rant. :( I'm sorry. Too much in my head.
