Addleworth
This is just a ramble that I don't know where to get out to, I'm sorry if it's not something meant for here
I'm lost, I don't know if this is depression, but it makes the most sense, this is what my episodes feel like, they're hard not to miss
I'm craving for more, something different, but at the same time nothing new and for a long rest, I want to start and end at the same time and yet not at all, I'm just existing, listening, people are here, there, not, what's the point in it all? That's a rhetorical question, I know everyone has different points, I know it all, I'm just finding it hard to find reason when everything is the same and yet so different
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Whether it deserves the depression label or not, ultimately doesn't matter that much. If your thoughts are causing you pain then you deserve a chance to work through them.
Sometimes it can help to have an outsider listen.
Did you want to tell us more? @arbys
It feels good to get it out there rather than writing it down for no one but myself to see, I was never good at it
If you're always up for it, I don't mind writing my thoughts down more, I want to try and write about all my feelings since I struggle to process them, I think it'd be really good
Let me know if you want to be apart of it, and I don't mind listening to anything you'd like to write out too @bestVase7265
Of course I want to be part of it. So I respond once a day, but I am really regular. You can write long or short. I have been answering people for a few years here and it really helps me to write back to others.
Tell me more about yourself in general and the kinds of questions that you have been having.@arbys
I think it's neat that you've managed to stay on here as often as possible, and for so long, I really admire that.
What can I share while simultaneously staying mysterious online? I assume everyone shares basic stuff, like the routines they have. I've got school, and then half of the week involves work. The times I stay after school I have speech or drama. It's all pretty mundane, it feels so surreal, how do we (as humans) do it? @bestVase7265
I think we all reach points when we wonder if our lives are enough or if we are doing enough. That questioning can be hard especially when we start thinking about whether our lives are too mundane. Is anything really mundane? Is life always supposed to be exciting? I honestly don't know.
I have just started reading a really short book by Parker Palmer called "Let Your Life Speak". I am really enjoying the approach which focuses on listening to your inner voice in deciding how to live. What do you think that your inner voice is telling you right now?@arbys
I love the fact that you see life as exciting by default. When you are able to see that part of things you are already in better shape than most of the rest of the world at the moment. The mundane stuff is only mundane if you see it that way. A flower, a nice breeze, all sorts of things are exciting if you see them as such.
And I love the idea of a slushee. I could use one right now. I actually made myself a smoothie today but I put a bit too much milk in it. Maybe that will be a tomorrow goal. I like to think of such things as "grounding moments" and I try to find one each day. Mine for today was opening up the windows because it was warm enough outside.
What exactly are you interested in dropping and leaving at the moment?
Probably the "perfect" moments. When you're laughing with a partner or friend, or having deep conversations with people you care for. Moments you wish you could pause and live in that moment forever.
I apologize for the lack of reply within the last month, I never got the notification and then the app signed me out. I honestly thought you stopped messaging, which is understandable if so!!
@bestVase7265
Those moments that you describe are perfect moments. Perfect moments are always fleeting. That is part of what makes them perfect.
Nope, I never stop messaging if people message me. But you are right about missing them sometimes in all of the threads.
How have you been doing?@arbys
@bestVase7265
I've been okay, how about yourself?
I am doing okay. We have spring break this week which will be a nice change of pace, although I still have too much to do. @arbys
@arbys I hear you ❤ I understand those feelings, have you talked to a doctor or health professional? They will be able to help you best ❤ motivation is hard to find sometimrs, try doing a little thing at a time, any small victory is a big one. I hope you soon find your smile and get back on your feet ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ let's you know everything will be ok ❤❤ never be afraid to reach out for help here ❤
@arbys
That makes a lot of sense to me. I have a lot of drive for things that don't quite exist as I could use them. Maybe it's magical thinking, but I feel like we're meant for so much more than a world with all these mindsets. Then again, in order for things to get more interesting, I feel like I have to build off of other points of view rather than getting sucked in, and also, just be able to appreciate the little things I do have here.
I feel like I relate to this a lot on another end of suffering too. Sometimes it feels like things just have to give, and different horizons feel both appealing and further out than your current state can reach. They can feel further and further out over time too, but that's not necessarily the case.
Anyway, is any of that kinda close? It just sounded close to me.
On another note, your name is Arby's and you said the word "craving", and now all I can think of is curly fries. 😂
@Torean
I believe you understood and felt perfect what I was trying to get across, and I think that's so interesting. How more than one being can experience the same if not extremely similar feelings based off of completely different reasons, actions, etc..
I also think you just found the reason to live, your first paragraph. (I'm half joking)
Arbys fries are on my menu tomorrow
